Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Real Women!

I just finished watching an episode of the Bachlourette this past Monday and was heart broken by what I saw. The girl's name is Jillian and she came from a past episode of the Bachelor when she was left high and dry at the alter. She was proposed to, but it never came to pass.

My heart breaks for this poor girl because she seems like the girl next door. She is pretty although I wouldn't call her drop dead gorgeous. I guess everyone has an opinion on what gorgeous is anyway. My heart goes out to her because she is in pursuit of what every woman wants, love. Pure, honest, don't lie to me just to get me to go out with you, love.

In the course of the last two weeks she has had one guy completely use her to further his career by being on the show and lasting as long as he had, with a girlfriend at home, no less. Could love be so blind on her end, she couldn't see this person for what he was?

Do we, in pursuit of love, put blinders on and jump at the chance for happiness no matter what lies ahead?

I am saddened because watching someone get their heart broken, makes me cry real tears. I hate to see it. Even during break ups, one person gets their heart broken and the other does the breaking up.

No wonder society has labeled perfect women as being 5'7" to 5'9", about 120-130, thin as a rail, works out all the time, generally isn't married and has the perfect career so she doesn't depend on anyone for financial well being. They also fall in range from 25-35 years old. They are also a size 2-5.

Now don't get me wrong there are plenty of women that meet all these criteria and there is nothing wrong with any of them. They are the lucky ones, blessed with youthful skin, no kids most of the time, and a super high metabolism. For the ones looking for love, for most men, this the also the criteria for the perfect wife.

The sad reality is, most women don't fit that bill. We are the ones that are over 35, range in height from 5'4 to 5'8", weigh between 130 and up, and have real curves. For the most part, we also have not received any kind of plastic surgery to enhance that look. We are the girl next doors, the ones that don't fit societies model for the perfect woman.

This is why girls in their pre-teens are constantly focused on looks, weight, and status of rank within the school population and this carries on until they get married, if they can maintain their looks. This is where suicide rates climb and so do the number of cases of bulemia and anorexia for these teens.

These are the same women who diet pill manufacturers are trying to market their products to. We must fit the image society deems as appropriate.

Wait a minute. Real women have curves. Real women are comfortable enough with themselves to be happy being them. Do you know that the average size for women isn't 3-5, but 14 to 16?

I know for every woman out there reading this, we are never happy with what we look like. We always want to look better, be better, feel better, so we pursue the status society labels for us. We get our hair and nails done, try and look our best all the time, and keep our hubby's eyes from wandering. We want approval. We want recognition. We want love. Real, honest, no lies, love, forever. Love that doesn't leave us for the younger more updated model of us.

I am glad that at 45, I am content with as good as it gets. I am 5'7" and weigh 185. I know it's a lot higher number than what I would like, but I am not 20 any more. I am not 30. Each year our bodies change so much that taking weight off in our early 20's is a bigger challenge the older we get. Our metabolism shuts down. Heck I was a huge workout freak in my early 30's but I had just faced a divorce, so I had to fit societies mold or risk being left alone with kids for the rest of my life. Face it looks, attract.

I am not making excuses, but I'd rather go rollerskating with my kids on a Saturday than sweating it out alone in the gym. I'd rather sit on the couch with my hubby than spend the day getting my hair and nails done. I'd rather eat cheesecake because just one slice is pure heaven on earth to me, than a large green salad with no cheese and dressing on the side.

I still work on looking nice, doing my hair and makeup, getting dressed nice, but I am comfortable with who I am. Hubby says he is too! He likes me that way I am. If you ask him if he would like some improvements, he would probably say yes, but then he would say he needs them as well.

So we are aging and growing older together, the way God intended it to be. It is sad to watch marriages and relationships fall by the way side, because women gain more weight over time and they aren't the same size as they were when they met them. If they won't attempt to improve, there is the door. Goodbye. Not all marriages or relationships are that shallow and based on those stats, but I have seen personally my fair share.

The sad thing is, we are all going to die someday, whether we work out or not, whether we look good or not, and sure we can try to keep from dying any sooner than we want, but ultimately only God knows when our number is up. Isn't not like He is going to change His mind just because you finally got your looks where society thinks they should be. I have seen people beat themselves to death with working out and eating all the right things, and drop dead riding bikes with their kids. Now that is what I'd call irony!

For now, I would be happy if we would take the focus off how women look and put it on how we can improve world hunger all over the world or helping out people less fortunate than ourselves. I think there are definitely more important things in life besides looks. Everyone gets older!


Martha said...

I struggled with my self image my whole life, I water fasted for many years and gained nearly 100 pounds when I became pregnant with my son :o) it was really hard to adjust to having a "mommy bod" especially at age 19. Now I am redefining beauty and rediscovering beauty in a different light ;) what a beautiful post!!

P.S. To answer your question on my blog, nope we don't have to send the books back! :D

Charlotte said...

My friends and I love this show but what we the viewer actually get to see on TV is always edited so it's difficult to tell exactly who ends up with the girl

I certainly hope Jillian finds the love of her life but I'm not holding my breath.

As for watching people who are not a size 2, I believe that Fox is getting ready to launch a show for from the creators of the Bachelor for women who are size 14-18, so time will only tell if this concept will sell with the public or not.

And as anyone who wants to read how this show may or may not play out in two weeks? Here's a link to a SPOILER ALERT:

FlowerLady said...

Very nice post! I am 60 and have been trying to age gracefully. Not always easy with what is portrayed as the 'perfect' woman out in the world.


Anonymous said...

Awesome post! Just the slap of reality I needed to hear! I am working really hard on not agonizing over my weight...I need to just be happy being me!

Loren said...


I love this post and have seen the depths in which women will go to to make sure they remain looking good. My mom has had everything you can imagine done! Really. It was her last "lift" that really got me! I just mourned so deeply at the extremes people go to to look good. My mother is beautiful inside and out but she doesn't see herself this way, why I don't know.
It breaks my heart but I know I will never ever do any of these "improvements" because the Lord loves me, my husband loves me and that is all that matters!
I do enjoy getting my hair colored and nails done but that is it :)

thankyou for a wonderful post!

love to you

Leslie said...

I've gained at least 20 pounds in the last 5 years. Thankfully, my husband says he likes me with a little more "junk in my trunk"! And he didn't run away screaming when I got up this morning looking ever so lovely after sleeping in a tent for 2 nights and not having had a shower since Monday!

As I was typing this, I saw a commercial about botox and one about weight loss. No wonder we're all so paranoid about our looks!

Sandra said...

Great post Kat and though I've struggle on and off with my body image since having children, I think I'm getting to the point where I need to just enjoy life and not worry so much about my weight.

Kelly's Ideas said...

Great post and so very true - I too am watching the Bachlorette and she needs to stop majorly making out with each one.... save it for the winner - I too hope she finds what she's looking for..
Kelly with too many curves to count and my husband loves me anyway.. after 20 years...

Mich said...


I couldn't have said it better myself.

Jennifer said...

Girl, I have a ton of respect for you. I love your vulnerability, and your willingness to share so openly -- even to the point of sharing your own weight! I know very few women who would do that.

You're a great example of a "real woman."

RCUBEs said...

Society's standards dictate for a woman to be thin, gorgeous, etc. I'm glad God's standards are way higher than that. I know that He loves me for who I am. He looks into my heart not my physical appearance.
I think it helps, too when we have a loving and supportive husbands who understand that no matter what sags, he will continue to love their wives the same :) That's all that matters. Take care sister Kat! Real women - the one who can smile naturally without having a cheek lopsided from a failed face lift...The one whose lashes blink gracefully, without falling. The one whose chest stoops low but doesn't leak saline...Sorry...Got carried away...I hope I don't offend anyone...

Annette said...

Amen, Sister! Thank you for such inspiring words!

Silver said...

Contentment is great gain, Kat. And you are one wise woman.


christy rose said...

Great insight Kat! Sometimes I think if we would all just relax a little and just be content with who we are, we would look and feel better. The struggle of perfection within ourselves causes our wills to be tested and given too much attention. You know, like when you look at a piece of cake long enough. You obsession with it will eventually cause you to eat it. But if you just walk away you forget about it. If you keep thinking about dieting and exercise, you become obsessed. But if you just live in contentment, eating and exercising will happen naturally in our lives.
I hate that society puts so much pressure on us especially my girls. I see them struggle to attain what they think everyone else looks like, or I mean everyone in a magazine, and I feel sad that no matter how much I tell them they are beautiful and God thinks they are beautiful, it only seems to make a small difference in their opinion of themselves. But I know that as I trust God to bring His plan to pass in their lives He will perfect that aspect of their lives too.
Thanks for sharing your life so honestly. It is very refreshing!