Saturday, July 11, 2009

Forcing a Change For the Better

I have been in this funky, melancholy, blue, mood for little over a week now. Not quite sure just where it came from and for honesty's sake it's not a "woman thing!"

Most mornings I would wake up and just dread the thought of one more routine filled, run of the mill day that would undoubtedly wind up with the very same ending. Yet there were variations in the day but once you made that slight deviation, you fell back into that rut again.

I guess I could attribute it to a lot of things that you don't think will affect your mood, but over time, that kinda stock piles one on top of another and pretty soon, you find yourself flat on your stomach with all this extra weight on your back. You are down for the count.

Most people walk by you not noticing you beneath all that stuff you let pile up. You aren't even visible to the world outside anymore. That is why people can't find me!

So I started taking inventory of all the stuff that has gotten me down. You know the stuff, I won't confront or talk to anyone about. The stuff you get dealt and you just shove it down deep inside, perhaps you may even deal with it later.

See I have this issue with emotions. I guess that is a woman thing, but not the one I was referring to above. When I got mad in the past, I would just fling out whatever came into my mind. However, I have been praying that God would change that. Allow me some time to brew it over and then address the issue when I am more calm and emotion doesn't rule my words any longer.

What I failed to realize is how long I let things 'brew.' I couldn't even deal with one thing when another one flew in and I had to let that one brew. Pretty soon, this coffee pot was ready to explode.

All it takes is something so subtle and it's all over. Like building a house of cards and just when you get the last card in place, a wind comes along at just the right moment and you have nothing left. Just a pile of strewn cards all over the floor.

So today, I am forcing a change within me, because it's the only one I can change. I can't change others. I may be able to influence them, but the changes become permanent when they want them to be. So the only person I can work on is me.

I am tired of feeling like time is my enemy. Like I look forward to sleep because I don't have to find things to fill my day with. I feel like this is the only time left in my day for me. When people in my life move forward in their day, and I find myself alone, I will make time to do things I don't have time to do when serving others. They are not waiting for me!

So I am going to stop living life on the side lines.

I am going to stop being the person who sits by and holds every one's stuff while they go through life.

I am tired of waiting for needs to all be met so I can have time for me.

It's not a selfish stage or a me ism.

This about living life the way I believe God intended me to. Jesus certainly didn't sit down and wait for people to help. He helped them out along the way to whatever He had in mind for the day. So it shall be with me as well.

I honestly don't believe life should be miserable while we are here serving others, especially as stay at home moms.

I am tired of letting the enemy kick me down and keep me there. He has allowed me to keep shoving stuff inside and it's him that keeps adding to the pile to allow it to become so great I can't carry it any longer and it takes me out.

Jesus is waiting. He told me that He will take all of my worries and carry them for me. He will provide my needs for today if I will simply give them to Him. Now that is an offer I simply can't refuse!


Gotta Have Faith said...

That is a great way to view the day. Not because it is just another day, but because it is a new day and God wants us to see and live life as we are a child. We need to see the world anew with wonder and amazement! I love you more than life itself and want to spend everyday with you in Gods great creation, Earth!

Love you and can't wait to spend the day with you...

P.S. It's time to have a date night tonight!

~Sandy~ said...

This is a great post!!! I've been where you are. But, I'm not there anymore. I battled Satan trying his best to keep me down, because that is where he wants us to be because when you are down it's hard to praise God, but one day I said "No More" This is my life and I'm gonna be whom I'm meant to be...A child of the King!!!!!! I told Satan to get behind me because I serve one with greater power and he had no choice but to step down. Each day I wake up, and I too face those same kind of days that you described ...every single day. I just decided to look at them from a different view. I know this world is only temporary and I'm leaving here any while I'm here I'm gonna serve God with all I have instead of serving Satan with a down sided heart. I have to fight him every morning and all through the day, but I have victory in Jesus:) He is my strength and He is yours my friend. Don't let Satan break you down anylonger. Tell him to get behind you and remind him of whom you belong:)
Just stopping by to give you a hug my friend.
Love, Sandy

Andrea said...


Blessings and prayers, andrea

Mari said...

What a great, positive post!

Anonymous said...

Very thought provoking post and it was very well written! I know exactly how you feel too...sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions waiting for the next big thing. Than you blink and your children are 7 and 10 and you have no idea where the time went....

Mich said...

You go girl! don't let the enemy win your joy!!!

I have so been there and done that...still have those moments, but I know God is bigger and better than all the "junk" i insist on hanging on too at times.

Sounds like "Gotta Have Faith" has the right idea. :)

RCUBEs said...

The enemy just tries so hard, doesn't he? But he can't prevent us from the doing the works set for us because the One in us is greater than he who is in the world. You will overcome...because you have His strength! God bless and have a great weekend sister Kat!

Keystone said...

Emotions are not a "woman thing", they are a "human thing". They are neither right, nor wrong.
They just are.
Your feelings will always change, as surely as the seasons of life.

I read your "40 things about me" list and number 31 caught my eye. You did not graduate high school, but DID get a GED when you were closer to 30 than 20.

My mom left school in 8th grade, and never returned. She raised 12 kids, had a miscarriage, and spent 6 years with my twin sisters, getting sick at age 6, and both dying age 10 and 11.

After all were raised and gone, my dad was sick for 5 years, and died. Mom was 63. Grief took over for 3 years (we put her on valium).
She said that she was always sad that she did not finish high school.

We said do it now!
Mom did.
She obtained her GED at age 68, the oldest in her class, and caught the attention of the Mayor, who showed up to present the diploma to mom. She would live until age 87.
It got her no new job, but it gave her a sense of satisfaction!

Jesus was hungry, tired of walking every day, miracles up the ying yang for everyone, saw a fig tree, and it had no figs.
He screamed at that tree to die!
And it did immediately!

Notice there was no brewing an emotion by Him.

Matthew, Luke, and John all record the turning of tables, and kicking out moneychangers at the Temple. Christ was royally angry that His Father's house was so abused.
Matthew and Luke record this event right after the triumphal entry into Jerusalem. He would be dead by Friday, but this mess was going to be taken care of NOW!

Curiously, John tells the story as happening directly after the Wedding Feast at Cana.

"This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed in Cana of Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him.

Jesus Clears the Temple

After this he went down to Capernaum with his mother and brothers and his disciples. There they stayed for a few days.
When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts he found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money.

So HE MADE A WHIP out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, "Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father's house into a market!"
~~~John 2:11-16

This baffles me, for I do not know if Jesus cleared the Temple TWICE, once after Cana and again in his last week as the others record.

John was the only disciple to go to the Cross. Maybe watching Jesus get whipped made it too hard to write
"HE MADE A WHIP" the week he got whipped. I just do not know, but I suspect he cleared the Temple twice, as every Passover these folks did this money exchange to rip off people.

Do you know how long it takes to make a whip, Kathleen? I suspect some time goes into braiding the leather and adding a handle to it. He had to make it long enough to add sting. THIS was a contemplated action, acting out on an emotion!

Kind of like getting a GED long after high school, not because it gets a better job, but because it makes a better person out of the one who fulfills their dreams.

When I got sad or melancholy as a single dad of 2 little girls, I entertained myself with fresh flowers.
I did not care the time of year, or the budget (mighty slim as I could not travel and do sales when staying home full time). But seeing those fresh flowers of varied type each week, taking in the aroma, arranging them on the table, always lifted my spirits anew.

I will reread your list of 40 things to see the clue, that makes you.....YOU.

The Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians (5:22-3) lists:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

You have self-control; you got your GED!
Pick another Fruit in that basket.
I will add a prayer that you choose wisely.

Blessings to you this day.

Peter Stone said...

I agree, life should not be miserable while we follow the path set before us. When I suffered from severe depression Jesus introduced so many constructive hobbies for me to engage in and enjoy, writing, computer games, the gym, and friends.

Loved your last paragraph, reminds me of Matthew 11:28. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” and 2 Cor 12:9-10.

God bless :)

Loren said...


I just wanted to say thankyou for visiting my blog and your kind words of encouragement. I have always wondered about this infamous
Love and hugs ~ Kat

I see this in everyone of your comments and I am so happy to begin to know you!

Drawing a line in the sand and setting healthy boundaries are exactly like what Jesus would do!
He loved, healed, encouraged, taught but he didn't allow himself to be overcome....he rested, prayed and sought the Father and He knew His boundaries. They are difficult to set when you have such a beautiful heart but the Lord will lead and guide you and help you to be all He wants and created you to be!

Blessings to you my new friend :)
I will be praying for you

Crown of Beauty said...

Dear Kat,
Again, I must thank you for your honesty, and your transparency. While reading your post for today, I could sense a fierce determination to wage war against the enemy of your soul, and I just know that God is helping you deal with what needs to be dealt with, one layer at a time.

A dear friend of mine, when dealing with her depression once shared with me that her greatest fear was to be peeled off layer by layer like an onion, and to discover that when the last layer is removed, nothing was left...

I never did quite agree with that picture... for I do believe that when God peels us off layer by layer, then our true worth, a beautiful and shining gem, is revealed.

You are a beautiful gem, dear Kat. Thank you for having the courage to share your heart.


Sharlyn Guthrie said...

John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that (you) may have life, and have it to the full."

It is never God's intention that we live a defeated life. Even when our circumstances are less than ideal, "under the circumstances" is not a place to wait it out. You are wise to recognize this as the enemy's ploy to steal your joy. I'll be praying for victory as you seek God's new direction for your life.

Thanks for being real.

christy rose said...

Amen Kat! Now that is an offer you simply can not refuse! Take Him up on that for sure! Hope you had a great date night!

3 Blessings said...

Sorry it is taking me awhile to respond. We have been traveling this week and we haven't been by the computer that much.

I just wanted to say that I know where you are coming from and I am glad to see your attitude towards making the right change. Have you heard the new Matthew West song, The Motions? If not, you need to listen to it. It has been such an inspiration for me. Everytime I get in a bad mood, I listen to it and it reminds me to live for HIM.
Sending you hugs,