Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Fairy Tale Life at 45


I sit back and wonder where did all the time go? 45 years is a lifetime to a child, but mere memories to us. Our children would tell us we are so OLD! Yet if you really sit and think about it 45 is about mid way for most of us in our life if we expect to be 90 when we die.


So when thinking about it that way, I look at where I am right now in the middle. Here is where you will really get to know me and I hold nothing back. I am a person who is OK with being completely honest. I have nothing to hide from things I have done in my past. As a matter of fact, I see them as things needing to be said because it may just help someone who is thinking to themselves, no one understands this but me. Hopefully you just found a friend that has gone what you are going through.


I am not ashamed of my past even though looking back there are things I wish I had done differently. However if I could go back with my magic pencil and erase those things, every other event moving forward would also change in retrospect. Maybe those are things I wouldn't want changed.


So what happened to living happily ever after and marrying my prince charming? Where did that life go?


Living happily ever after is something I am still in pursuit of and not sure if I will honestly ever reach it. That is because things that make me happy today aren't the things that made me happy yesterday. That is frustrating because there is no formula for happiness. Happiness is what you make it today for yourself. No one can make you happy. That life truth I have finally figured out after 45 years. Only you can make yourself happy.


I used to wait around wondering why some person in my life couldn't just look at me, see how unhappy I was and try to do something they knew I liked to make me happy. So I would wait. And wait. And nothing.


People can't make you happy. So get over that fact. Sure things people do can make you laugh or bring you happiness but ultimately how you respond to things is yours and yours to control alone.


I used to think if I had no financial problems I would be happy. Nope. This just meant someone in our family had to work more hours, work further away or work two jobs. Now the person you wanted to share time with is no longer there. They are providing financial stability for the family now. You can't have it all.


I used to think if I had my personal life all squared away, life would be organized and simple to manage. Kids prevent things from being managed. They are always changing and always on the go. The more you have, the more you realize you can't really manage them the way you dreamed. They are children, mini humans in the making waiting to be molded and shaped to become adults of their own in the future.


I used to think if I could only stay home, manage the home like a pro, handle all the things mom, I would be content. I could leave everything to the outside of the home for someone else. Do you realize how vast that job is? It is beyond a full time job. When school is in full swing look out!


Your house will never be what you dreamed it could be and your kids could care a less. They want time! Your time! All you can spare! It's the one thing you can't put a price tag on. They want parents that want to spend time with them. Only thing is, the older they get, the less they want you around. See where the happy ending went?


I guess happily ever after is what you get when you finally reach your heavenly home. You are happy forever after you have lived your life out on earth. See how that works?


As for prince charming? Well he is charming some days when we get a chance to see him. Things are strained at best for us right now. He is at a crossroads of decisions to determine what he really needs in his life besides providing for his family. There is a huge cost on the back end of that and not sure it is something that would benefit all of us. So the gap increases daily because for now I just live with my best friend, while I wait for my hubby to return.


So you see fairy tales are something that are just written in a book and not something people live out their whole lives. Some come darn close however, I used to think that way. Please pray for Steve at this point. I believe he needs to choose what is right for him. The rest, as they say, should take care of itself.


11 comments:

Jennifer said...

Great post, Kat! You are exactly right on all points. As for happiness...it must come from within. I am trying to get there myself and no one can do it for me.

As for Steve...I will pray that God has His way in his heart, his life and in your marriage.

PS...I didn't get an email from you yesterday. Please re-send it...to jennleigh301@yahoo.com

Lots of love and hugs!
Jenn

Heart2Heart said...

Jenn,

I sent it this morning to the email address you left. I am crossing my fingers that you get it. Keep in touch and thanks for your prayers. I desperately need them right now.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

RCUBEs said...

It was more fun when I was a child. Nothing to worry about. Not knowing I have to go through this same cycle of life my parents walked on as I grow up and have my own family.

Happiness is not something to pursue. It grows from within.

You got it sister Kat! I'm praying now for you and Steve. May the Lord give him the wisdom and guidance in everything that he does and the decisions he needs to make. May the Lord cover you both with His love and protection. Love you sister Kat!

Mari said...

This is such a true post! You at exactly right!

JacquieM said...

I still believe in fairy tales. It may sound weird but I am living just that. Is this my happy ending? I hope not, I believe there is so much more for me in this life. Times do get tough and I'm not saying they don't but from where I came and from what I've lived, if there is one thing that I've learned it's "this to shall pass." So we live our lives making our own fairy tales (when time permits) and hanging on to the happy times. For without the bad times the good times would not seem as such.

Hang in there Kat, call me once in a while. I am right here always have been, and keep believing.

~*Michelle*~ said...

WOW....this is an amazing post. So beautifully written and straight from your heart (I love your honesty....and keeping it real, my kinda gal!)

Will keep you in prayer..... prayers of guidance, clarity and peace....

xox

ps. love the photo of the rainbow. What a image representing hope and promises from Above.

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skoots1mom said...

very well written and oh so true

prayers for you and yours

Sharlyn Guthrie said...

Your transparency is so refreshing. It's true that so many things we think we want or need don't turn out as planned. I think we just have to remember that in life we are the main character of the tale, not the reader. We can't know what's lurking out there in the forest or around the next bend, nor do we know how many frogs we'll have to kiss to find our prince. Hang in there with your prince. I have no doubt that God will bless you for it.

Warren Baldwin said...

A lot of wisdom in this post, Kat. Life is a series of adjustments. We can plan, work and pray, but we don't have as much control of the outcome as we would like. We have to adjust to the situations and people in our lives. I hope a lot of young people can read what you wrote here!

Heart2Heart said...

Sharlyn,

So true what you said. I wish someone would write a reality tale and discuss what life is really all about. It would make starting things out so much easier. I love following instructions. I just hate that we can adjust choices we just don't feel like making.

Warren:

Love your words of wisdom. I get so excited when you post because I feel like my mentor is providing so much needed advice for me. Besides stopping at your blog each day for my daily insight of family and life, I love and appreciate all your wise and loving comments.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat