Fairy Tale Life at 45

I sit back and wonder where did all the time go? 45 years is a lifetime to a child, but mere memories to us. Our children would tell us we are so OLD! Yet if you really sit and think about it 45 is about mid way for most of us in our life if we expect to be 90 when we die.

So when thinking about it that way, I look at where I am right now in the middle. Here is where you will really get to know me and I hold nothing back. I am a person who is OK with being completely honest. I have nothing to hide from things I have done in my past. As a matter of fact, I see them as things needing to be said because it may just help someone who is thinking to themselves, no one understands this but me. Hopefully you just found a friend that has gone what you are going through.

I am not ashamed of my past even though looking back there are things I wish I had done differently. However if I could go back with my magic pencil and erase those things, every other event moving forward would also change in retrospect. Maybe those are things I wouldn't want changed.

So what happened to living happily ever after and marrying my prince charming? Where did that life go?

Living happily ever after is something I am still in pursuit of and not sure if I will honestly ever reach it. That is because things that make me happy today aren't the things that made me happy yesterday. That is frustrating because there is no formula for happiness. Happiness is what you make it today for yourself. No one can make you happy. That life truth I have finally figured out after 45 years. Only you can make yourself happy.

I used to wait around wondering why some person in my life couldn't just look at me, see how unhappy I was and try to do something they knew I liked to make me happy. So I would wait. And wait. And nothing.

People can't make you happy. So get over that fact. Sure things people do can make you laugh or bring you happiness but ultimately how you respond to things is yours and yours to control alone.

I used to think if I had no financial problems I would be happy. Nope. This just meant someone in our family had to work more hours, work further away or work two jobs. Now the person you wanted to share time with is no longer there. They are providing financial stability for the family now. You can't have it all.

I used to think if I had my personal life all squared away, life would be organized and simple to manage. Kids prevent things from being managed. They are always changing and always on the go. The more you have, the more you realize you can't really manage them the way you dreamed. They are children, mini humans in the making waiting to be molded and shaped to become adults of their own in the future.

I used to think if I could only stay home, manage the home like a pro, handle all the things mom, I would be content. I could leave everything to the outside of the home for someone else. Do you realize how vast that job is? It is beyond a full time job. When school is in full swing look out!

Your house will never be what you dreamed it could be and your kids could care a less. They want time! Your time! All you can spare! It's the one thing you can't put a price tag on. They want parents that want to spend time with them. Only thing is, the older they get, the less they want you around. See where the happy ending went?

I guess happily ever after is what you get when you finally reach your heavenly home. You are happy forever after you have lived your life out on earth. See how that works?

As for prince charming? Well he is charming some days when we get a chance to see him. Things are strained at best for us right now. He is at a crossroads of decisions to determine what he really needs in his life besides providing for his family. There is a huge cost on the back end of that and not sure it is something that would benefit all of us. So the gap increases daily because for now I just live with my best friend, while I wait for my hubby to return.

So you see fairy tales are something that are just written in a book and not something people live out their whole lives. Some come darn close however, I used to think that way. Please pray for Steve at this point. I believe he needs to choose what is right for him. The rest, as they say, should take care of itself.