How Does Your Garden Grow?

Spring is just around the corner and already new life is just bursting at the seams wanting to break forth with newness inside. I know my poor trees and rose bushes barely had a chance to take their winter's nap before the temperatures became unseasonably warm and thus they are beginning to prepare for spring sooner than they normally would. In fact my poor willow tree had barely just shed it's leaves and already new buds were beginning to form. Now the tree is filled with potential new life just waiting for the pollination of our bees which are just buzzing each time I walk outside to check our mail. Kinda sad when you think about it too.

It reminds me of the nursery rhyme of Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary, How does your garden grow? I'm not even ready to head outside and begin preparing the plants for another tough season. So why should it matter. It might still grow without any help from me. It might gain enough moisture from whatever rain we get, even though in Southern California, it hasn't been much at all. In fact as of today, just four days in just four months.

I remember when I first moved into our current home, I feel in love with a plum tree in our neighbor's yard, the beautiful pink blossoms just waiting to bear fruit in due time. Over this last year, however they simply stopped caring for their yard, they stopped watering it, and I guess I can understand in light of the drought we are having. Water can get expensive. But to look at his yard now, it's sad because the tree is now almost dead. I'm sure that it might come back with some loving care, but left to its own, I'm not sure we will see anything this year from it.

When you look at your own garden how does it grow? Are you one of those green thumb types who can grow anything with just the right look? Or are you the prayerful type that when you plant something, you hope it doesn't die and often pray that it doesn't?

I've had to ask myself these same questions and to be perfectly honest, my garden outside pretty much looks like my marriage on the inside. It needs some serious work if it's going to last this year. I'm not be any means saying my marriage is falling apart, but much like my garden outside, if I am looking for some strong roots and blooms to fill my plants, I have to invest some serious time. It will stay if I don't because Steve and I have vowed our marriage will never end in divorce but if I want something more than mediocre, I have to put some time in.

Now to be fair, marriage is about both people putting in equal time, but I can't control my husband. Oh how I wish I could, because I know it would be so much easier with both of us working on it at the same time, but because I am held to a higher standard as a believer in Christ, I will have some answering to do before God if I don't. Simply put, love is all about action, and it is only love when it acts.

It's not about saying all the right things, it's about doing all the right things. Love is a verb, it isn't a noun. It's all about showing the other person, that they are the most important person in the world next to God in your life. That you are willing to put aside all your own interests and instead ask the question, What can I do for you to make your day better?

For us wives, I think the question we need to ask ourselves is how are we doing at our job as a wife? Honestly ask the question, "Am I being the best wife I can be to my husband today?"

If I am 100% honest, I can say, "No, I am not."

So as you can see, I have some work to do but in my garden and in my marriage. I want to invest the time, because I want a marriage that is vibrant, strong, sustaining despite the world around us that simply wants to redefine what marriage is. I want to do it God's way and not my own. So we need to heed the words of Winston Churchill, Britain's Prime Minister who in the midst of the war, stated, "Victory is not won by evacuation."

It's time to dig deep and invest some time. Be filled with God's Spirit because you can't win this war on your own and the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy our marriages. Are you with me? 

Keeping Romance Alive

It's that dreaded time again. I don't look forward to it when it comes and spend those final minutes memorizing every feature on his face. The color of the pale blue in his eyes and the way I know that those eyes will only look on me and find the love we have been able to capture, grow, maintain and strengthen in almost 20 years together. February 9th, we will celebrate 17 years of marriage together and as I was going about my errands yesterday I realized how wonderful it is to be with the right person God has in mind for you.

I had thought that about my first marriage, but maybe I falsely jumped at the idea of being married, and I certainly wasn't a Christian at first when I did. Later after 10 years, I watched that marriage dissolve into divorce following an affair by my ex and wondered if God would ever bless my life again or would I be forever a single mom for the remainder of my life.

Well he did.

And for this blessing I know I am a rich woman indeed. While my husband may not hold the keys to keeping romance alive, I know he loves me more than anything. He shows it in the way he makes the perfect eggs for me, to getting up early to feed our impatient cat Bella most mornings at 6am, to just hanging out with me and being the best friend I could ever have. We've gotten to the point of finishing each others sentences and even find our thoughts are aligned as well, when one of us will say something and we look at the other and say, "I was just thinking the same thing!"

He will be the last love of my life as well. I can't imagine a life without him in it and that is why I miss him the most when he is gone, whether for a handful of hours or for days traveling for work. I am blessed that he cares enough to call me every day and tell me he loves me. That there is no place he'd rather be than home with me and the kids. I hate that feeling when you suddenly realize that he isn't coming home tonight and that feeling of fear creeps in.

What if something happens? What will I do? Who will I call?

Most of the time nothing happens, but when it does, I handle it. I've earned my big girl panties these past few years. I've mastered fixing sprinkler links, to repairing broken locks, to handling life until he returns. Oh it wasn't always easy. There were hours I would spend crying my eyes out why life had to be so unfair to make my husband have to travel so much. I never thought I would be able to handle it like most women do, but then one day, those trips didn't hurt as much. I missed him as much as I ever did, but I trust God to bring him back. One day He might not, but I know God will always have my best interests in mind and I will ge through it.

Until that time, however, I truly cherish and love the man I've been blessed to have in this walk of mine on Earth and the best part is knowing I will spend an eternity with him as my best friend forever. So I wrote him a love letter telling him how valuable and loved he is. I secretly gave it to him and hoped he would read it on the plane.

He did and it make him cry. Not because of what I wrote, but that love could be put into words to let a wonderful man like my husband know how much I really and truly love him. I think that's important for us wives to do, as much as we can and in all sincerity. Because life outside our marriages is cruel, heartless and full of things that would tempt what we share. We have no greater honor than to pray for our husbands daily and whenever we think of them. I can't wait for the day when God shows us how many times we prayed for one another. It's the most powerful weapon we have to keep the enemy at bay and it's so much easier to lay the foundation before the house is built than to try to do it afterwards.

Our foundation is found in our commitment to God and in doing so makes it possible to truly have an unforgettable and truly rewarding marriage. Ours isn't perfect for it's perfect for us. How do you keep your marriage strong? I'd love to hear about it.

Husband's Need Help Too!

Sharing a story I got a few days ago that really hit home for me in so many ways, I just had to pass the message along for others who could benefit! Enjoy!

A Plea for Understanding

by Charles R. Swindoll

Read Job 2:1--9

I want to confess that for too long in my ministry I took unfair advantage of Job's wife, especially since she was not present to defend herself. I think it was probably due to immaturity on my part. Furthermore, I hadn't been married long enough to know better than to say those things. I cannot leave this one snapshot of Mrs. Job in the story without clarifying the record in her defense.

Now that you've seen the incredible disaster they shared, isn't it a little easier to understand how she could suggest, "Job, darling, let's just pull the plug. Don't go on. You can't keep living like this, I can't stand it. Curse God, and let Him take you home to be with Him." I think so. She's reached her limit and is willing to let him go. I'm not justifying the woman's reasoning as much as trying to understand it.

Always guard your words when your husband is going through terribly hard times. I want to confess something about us men. Mainly, I want you to remember: going through sustained hard times weakens most men. For some reason, hardship seems to strengthen women; we admire you for that.

But we men are weakened when times of affliction hit and stay. In our weakened condition we lose our objectivity, sometimes our stability. Our discernment is also skewed. Our determination lags. We become vulnerable, and most men don't know how to handle themselves in a vulnerable state of mind. So in light of all of this---hear me---we need your clear perspective, wisdom, and spiritual strength. Most of all, we need you to pray for us as you've never prayed. We need not only your prayers, we need your emotional support. We need you to take the initiative and step up.

We need your words of confidence and encouragement. We even find it hard to say, "I need you right now." My wife could tell you that she lived with me for our first ten years of marriage before she ever thought I needed her. I finally admitted it and learned how to say it. In the lonely hours of a man's great trial, nobody's words mean more to him than his wife's words. That is one of the God-given reasons you and your partner were called to be together. When we husbands lose our way, you wives help us find our way back.

What is Romance Anyway?

According to Webster's the definition of romance is a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. Yet when women claim they want more romance in their life just what are they alluding to? It's a questioned I have posed to my husband more than once over the almost 15 years we've been married. I'm the person in the relationship seeking more romance from my husband. Something I'm not sure he's able to pull off.

It got me thinking just why aren't men more romantic? Is it because the pursuit and acquisition of a wife are complete once they are married or is it that they are simply not programmed to be "romantic?" I guess in my search for answers the definition changes depending on who you ask even though Webster's definition can be open to who is interpreting it. Everyone has their own meaning of what it means to them.

For some, it's doing the little things and not the big ones that answers the question. Little love notes left, washing the car, filling the tank up with gas, or the occasional unexpected flower delivery fits the requirement. But what does it mean for me? I know for one thing, if I have to write out a list of the things that fit my definition of romance, and then he follows it, it's not romantic. I guess it has to be the things I talk about in the conversations we have at random. It could be that the mention of just how much I love the smell of a real Christmas tree over an artificial one could be taken as a clue. Or how much I love the Christmas season and how a home can never be over decorated, while it can be tacky. I've often mentioned that just once in my life, I want the Christmas Vacation house, just not the electric bill. I guess, romance in a sense comes from spontaneous desires mentioned when we talk. It's not so much that someone is diligently taking copious notes, while I'm speaking, but just seeing those desires manifested when you least expected let's you know that you are loved in the most unexpected ways.

The last thing I want to do is change my husband. I find that if he were to change to be in fact, more romantic, he may lose his charm that makes me love him each time I look at him. Romance also isn't something that needs to happen all the time. It's like great chocolate! Too much can literally make you sick and then you find yourself not wanting any chocolate for quite some time. It's just the way someone lets you know you are special, love, wanted and respected in small and sometimes big ways.

I love romantic picnic dinners to go at sunset on the beach. Just drive through and grab some take out for an impromptu romantic dinner overlooking the beach at sunset! It's making you breakfast in bed when you are literally too tired to do one more thing for anyone in your home again. It's a clean home with nothing to do. It's rose bushes planted instead of flowers delivered so they bloom all year long. It's taking something you said in passing and making it happen instead. That's why lists will never get the desired results when men follow them to the letter. Yet I am curious to know just what is your definition of romance and how do you find time for it?

Leave a comment below and let me know. I'll keep you posted how things are going!

Husbands New Help Too!

Sharing a story I got a few days ago that really hit home for me in so many ways, I just had to pass the message along for others who could benefit! Enjoy!

A Plea for Understanding
by Charles R. Swindoll

Read Job 2:1--9

I want to confess that for too long in my ministry I took unfair advantage of Job's wife, especially since she was not present to defend herself. I think it was probably due to immaturity on my part. Furthermore, I hadn't been married long enough to know better than to say those things. I cannot leave this one snapshot of Mrs. Job in the story without clarifying the record in her defense.

Now that you've seen the incredible disaster they shared, isn't it a little easier to understand how she could suggest, "Job, darling, let's just pull the plug. Don't go on. You can't keep living like this, I can't stand it. Curse God, and let Him take you home to be with Him." I think so. She's reached her limit and is willing to let him go. I'm not justifying the woman's reasoning as much as trying to understand it.

Always guard your words when your husband is going through terribly hard times. I want to confess something about us men. Mainly, I want you to remember: going through sustained hard times weakens most men. For some reason, hardship seems to strengthen women; we admire you for that. But we men are weakened when times of affliction hit and stay. In our weakened condition we lose our objectivity, sometimes our stability. Our discernment is also skewed. Our determination lags. We become vulnerable, and most men don't know how to handle themselves in a vulnerable state of mind. So in light of all of this---hear me---we need your clear perspective, wisdom, and spiritual strength. Most of all, we need you to pray for us as you've never prayed. We need not only your prayers, we need your emotional support. We need you to take the initiative and step up.

We need your words of confidence and encouragement. We even find it hard to say, "I need you right now." My wife could tell you that she lived with me for our first ten years of marriage before she ever thought I needed her. I finally admitted it and learned how to say it. In the lonely hours of a man's great trial, nobody's words mean more to him than his wife's words. That is one of the God-given reasons you and your partner were called to be together. When we husbands lose our way, you wives help us find our way back.

Final Moments

I had this thought today, while I was sitting in church this morning listening to our pastor preach.

He was talking about all the preparation that Jesus went into days prior to his crucifixion.

He prayed a lot, he broke bread and had wine with His disciples, and fellow shipped with those whom I believed He knew would be broken and lost without Him.

Little did they know just how little time they actually had with him, although Jesus did tell them on quite a few occasions just when it would happen, I think like most of it, we think, maybe it won't. Perhaps something can happen to change the event.

Maybe it won't be as bad as we think it will be.

During those minutes of listening to our sermon, I believe God spoke to my heart about my husbands upcoming trip tomorrow. He assured me, He has this all under his control and will be keeping watch out for Him.

Yes, I will miss him when I head to bed and fell his presence missing, leaving me alone in the dark.

But I smile, because I know God is using Him. God has plans for us.

My husband is being sent to Las Vegas, that's right sin city, anything goes as far as temptations there, and most of it's legal or at least not looked at in the same perspective as we would like to see it.

However, Steve's parents live there. They retired there recently and it's been quite awhile since he has visited them.

I see it as opportunity. I see it as time with his parents whom aren't getting any younger, both whom have had health issues, and could use some one on one time, with their youngest son.

Even though he will be working long hours, his evenings will still be spent with them. It will be a nice surprise to get some alone time, with their son again.

Who knows what will happen in the future? But for now, I will completely put my faith in trust in God and see this for the good that God has in store.

So today, we spent the day together after church.

We spent some quality time, just being alone. Just the two of us.

Reminding each other of why our relationship is so special and unique to us.

We had lunch and worked on the yard! We sat around and laughed and had some great memories shared between the two of us.

I will miss him but I know God needs him someplace else for now. I love him in so many ways not only as my best friend, my soul mate, and husband, but also my fellow believer in Christ. The days we have here together will seem like mere seconds when we get to heaven and can share an eternity with Jesus!

Sure there may be things that will be trying to draw his attention away while in Las Vegas, but with God on my side, it's a bet I am willing to make and one that is sure to win!

A Man After God's Own Heart

Ever wonder what God really designed men to be like? Were they supposed to be sports loving, tool craving, beer drinking, women watching person most of us know? I am not talking about those type of men, unless they are claiming to be God fearing, then they should not be doing some of the things I listed above, drinking beer and women watching, especially if they are married. I don't condemn those men that have the occasional beer but the one's that over indulge themselves becoming drunk drinking beer. Those are the ones that I have an issue with.

What I am talking about is the men that God designed for us. Both single and for married women, the men that God created are one in the same. Both should be serving God, first and foremost. These are not the ones that send their families to church, while they stay at home. It's a bit different if they are working however, but they should be a spiritual leader in the home. One that their family would look up to that leads them everyday in the same way that God would. He prays daily for his family. He leads the family in prayers at mealtime. Besides working to provide a living for his family, he helps out, not when asked but when he sees a need.

God didn't design men to just flop on the couch when they get home from work, and then place demands on the family, like we live to serve, like slaves. Nope, contrary to what the world thinks a man is to care for his family, like Christ cares for the church. Jesus never made demands while He was here on Earth. He came to serve people and in most cases, it was the ones that needed Him the most. The lost, the sick, the dead, and the non believers. So our husbands are supposed to care for us, not only for our financial needs, but our personal needs as well.

They never demand equal treatment or even substandard treatment. They are here to serve their families. It is that great responsibility to husbands, like Christ has for the church to bring up his family to be worthy of God. They aren't the ones with the hands off approach to parenting or be a friend type of parent or simply let your mother handle it since she is the mom.

Imagine how great life would be for us wives, if our husbands were even a small fraction of what God designed them to be. How easy would it be for us, to love such a man? I know for me, my husband isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me and our family.

He works doing all he can to provide for our families needs, even going out of town for three to four weeks at a time, because work is so scarce here. I know that alone breaks his heart because I see it in his eyes and in his voice when I take him to the airport. Not only that, when he is gone, he calls every day. Not because we miss him but because he wants to remain connected to us even while he is gone. He calls just to hear our voices and to hear what is going on so it's not so lonely for him.

He emails me thoughtful and romantic notes to let me know how much he loves me and misses me, but is specific to certain events in our life either past or future. He does his best to keep love alive.

When he is home, this man will love this family unconditionally. He gets up when I do, to enjoy a cup of coffee with me before the kids wake up. He helps me get them ready and drive them to school. He shops with me because he genuinely wants to. He honestly spends quality time with me every minute he can. He will fix dinner when he knows I am running late from track practice with the kids so we don't have to wait for me to fix it. He is an incredible cook by the way.

The one thing I enjoy most about him lately is his hunger for knowledge in the Bible. I love being next to him and holding his hand while we read. I love sitting next to him at church and hear him sing praise and worship songs. I love seeing him interact with people at church. I can see he really loves and cares for people and it's not a forced reaction. I was truly blessed by God when I found him at the lowest moment of my life. He gives me hope and faith that God truly blesses those who love Him.

How could you not love a man after God's own heart? I married him and I plan on spending not only this life with him, but I know without a doubt that I will spend an eternity in heaven with him as well.