Saturday, February 23, 2013

Surving Loneliness

How often, do we pass by a need, a life that could be changed with the smallest bit of effort? And it's not that we don't care but that we're driving so fast, all we see are the fence posts flashing by on the side of the highway?

Maybe the first step in changing the world is in slowing down and looking through the fences. ~ Lisa Wingate (Firefly Island)

The beginning of 2013 has been a whole lot about changes. Changes I think at least for my family we didn't think we'd ever see. 

When most people buy a home, they think of being part of the American dream. Part of the bigger picture. They think of it as being an investment in their futures. Never in their wildest dreams while making the decision to buy would they ever think that something might happen to take that dream away like ripping out a piece of your soul. 

At the closing of 2012, we found ourselves joining the many others, that were losing their homes thanks to bad predatory lending practices, federal bailouts that didn't unfortunately involve our mortgage company and watched, despite all our best intentions, our home slip into foreclosure. We made necessary arrangements and found a wonderful house to rent while we watching our credit slip into the black abyss. 

Here it is, at the end of February and despite our mortgage companies threats to sell our house at auction, it remains in our name. The auction has been postponed for yet another month. This is the 5th such postponement and no letter or explanation explaining why. Still I find myself wondering what lucky family we eventually buy our wonderful home. Will they finally make all the improvements we always wanted to make, or will it simply sit vacant like so many others in the area. Will someone break in and wreck havoc seeking to sell off whatever they can, or will it house someone who is looking for a place to sleep? 

Who knows? But I do find myself occassionally stopping by to visit. Much like an old friend. A distant memory perhaps of better times? Times spent sharing love, laughter, joy and even sorrow within the walls we knew as our first home. So many happy times of simply knowing that despite what was happening in the world, that this small piece of property was ours! A home! Our home to do whatever we wanted, paint the walls crazy colors, add new lighting fixtures or even perhaps create a back yard haven for hummingbirds, butterflies and myself on so many sunny days. Smelling the roses my husband, friends and family all planted over the years. I'll miss that in the spring. The blooming of virtually ever color rose, the sweet fragrances of my pink perfume delights filling the house whenever you opened the windows. The bees busy gathering pollen from my overgrown lavender that filled the corner of the backyard by the faded wood fence. The wonderful pink and white blossoms from the apple tree that shaded our favorite kitty Tosh's grave that passed away last year on my birthday. 

So many star filled nights sitting in lawn chairs on the front lawn watching in anticipation of the Perseid Meteor shower in August or simply enjoying a wonderful bar-b-Que with friends. The summer rain storms that would fill the picture windows with the falling of rain, beautiful big thunderheads like balls of giant popcorn across the desert sky. Even the snow that filled our backyard one year with the most snow we ever saw and enabled us to build a 6 foot snow man in our front yard alongside his snow dog. 

I'll miss my house. I'll miss it with the many loving memories that all those years tucked behind the walls will bring us. I know in time the move will be easier to handle, but until we move far enough away, I'll still drive by and remember those wonderful years and all the memories a simple house brought to my heart.