Keeping Romance Alive

It's that dreaded time again. I don't look forward to it when it comes and spend those final minutes memorizing every feature on his face. The color of the pale blue in his eyes and the way I know that those eyes will only look on me and find the love we have been able to capture, grow, maintain and strengthen in almost 20 years together. February 9th, we will celebrate 17 years of marriage together and as I was going about my errands yesterday I realized how wonderful it is to be with the right person God has in mind for you.

I had thought that about my first marriage, but maybe I falsely jumped at the idea of being married, and I certainly wasn't a Christian at first when I did. Later after 10 years, I watched that marriage dissolve into divorce following an affair by my ex and wondered if God would ever bless my life again or would I be forever a single mom for the remainder of my life.

Well he did.

And for this blessing I know I am a rich woman indeed. While my husband may not hold the keys to keeping romance alive, I know he loves me more than anything. He shows it in the way he makes the perfect eggs for me, to getting up early to feed our impatient cat Bella most mornings at 6am, to just hanging out with me and being the best friend I could ever have. We've gotten to the point of finishing each others sentences and even find our thoughts are aligned as well, when one of us will say something and we look at the other and say, "I was just thinking the same thing!"

He will be the last love of my life as well. I can't imagine a life without him in it and that is why I miss him the most when he is gone, whether for a handful of hours or for days traveling for work. I am blessed that he cares enough to call me every day and tell me he loves me. That there is no place he'd rather be than home with me and the kids. I hate that feeling when you suddenly realize that he isn't coming home tonight and that feeling of fear creeps in.

What if something happens? What will I do? Who will I call?

Most of the time nothing happens, but when it does, I handle it. I've earned my big girl panties these past few years. I've mastered fixing sprinkler links, to repairing broken locks, to handling life until he returns. Oh it wasn't always easy. There were hours I would spend crying my eyes out why life had to be so unfair to make my husband have to travel so much. I never thought I would be able to handle it like most women do, but then one day, those trips didn't hurt as much. I missed him as much as I ever did, but I trust God to bring him back. One day He might not, but I know God will always have my best interests in mind and I will ge through it.

Until that time, however, I truly cherish and love the man I've been blessed to have in this walk of mine on Earth and the best part is knowing I will spend an eternity with him as my best friend forever. So I wrote him a love letter telling him how valuable and loved he is. I secretly gave it to him and hoped he would read it on the plane.

He did and it make him cry. Not because of what I wrote, but that love could be put into words to let a wonderful man like my husband know how much I really and truly love him. I think that's important for us wives to do, as much as we can and in all sincerity. Because life outside our marriages is cruel, heartless and full of things that would tempt what we share. We have no greater honor than to pray for our husbands daily and whenever we think of them. I can't wait for the day when God shows us how many times we prayed for one another. It's the most powerful weapon we have to keep the enemy at bay and it's so much easier to lay the foundation before the house is built than to try to do it afterwards.

Our foundation is found in our commitment to God and in doing so makes it possible to truly have an unforgettable and truly rewarding marriage. Ours isn't perfect for it's perfect for us. How do you keep your marriage strong? I'd love to hear about it.

What is Romance Anyway?

According to Webster's the definition of romance is a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. Yet when women claim they want more romance in their life just what are they alluding to? It's a questioned I have posed to my husband more than once over the almost 15 years we've been married. I'm the person in the relationship seeking more romance from my husband. Something I'm not sure he's able to pull off.

It got me thinking just why aren't men more romantic? Is it because the pursuit and acquisition of a wife are complete once they are married or is it that they are simply not programmed to be "romantic?" I guess in my search for answers the definition changes depending on who you ask even though Webster's definition can be open to who is interpreting it. Everyone has their own meaning of what it means to them.

For some, it's doing the little things and not the big ones that answers the question. Little love notes left, washing the car, filling the tank up with gas, or the occasional unexpected flower delivery fits the requirement. But what does it mean for me? I know for one thing, if I have to write out a list of the things that fit my definition of romance, and then he follows it, it's not romantic. I guess it has to be the things I talk about in the conversations we have at random. It could be that the mention of just how much I love the smell of a real Christmas tree over an artificial one could be taken as a clue. Or how much I love the Christmas season and how a home can never be over decorated, while it can be tacky. I've often mentioned that just once in my life, I want the Christmas Vacation house, just not the electric bill. I guess, romance in a sense comes from spontaneous desires mentioned when we talk. It's not so much that someone is diligently taking copious notes, while I'm speaking, but just seeing those desires manifested when you least expected let's you know that you are loved in the most unexpected ways.

The last thing I want to do is change my husband. I find that if he were to change to be in fact, more romantic, he may lose his charm that makes me love him each time I look at him. Romance also isn't something that needs to happen all the time. It's like great chocolate! Too much can literally make you sick and then you find yourself not wanting any chocolate for quite some time. It's just the way someone lets you know you are special, love, wanted and respected in small and sometimes big ways.

I love romantic picnic dinners to go at sunset on the beach. Just drive through and grab some take out for an impromptu romantic dinner overlooking the beach at sunset! It's making you breakfast in bed when you are literally too tired to do one more thing for anyone in your home again. It's a clean home with nothing to do. It's rose bushes planted instead of flowers delivered so they bloom all year long. It's taking something you said in passing and making it happen instead. That's why lists will never get the desired results when men follow them to the letter. Yet I am curious to know just what is your definition of romance and how do you find time for it?

Leave a comment below and let me know. I'll keep you posted how things are going!

Restoring Romance Again

Too often life gets out of control and we find ourselves wondering where has all the time gone? We have so many demands placed on us by family, friends, church, job and others that by the time we get to ourselves we have just run out. Physical stress and fatigue wears on us since we weren't programmed to handled so much in one day and the consistent demand to do more is ever present.

Our relationships then begin to suffer when we don't have time for everyone who is demanding that time. We will take care of our job responsibilities usually first, because that is what pays the bills, then our kids come next and then if we can find time, maybe our spouses. Forget any time for us. So how do we capture the romance that is nothing more than a smoldering spark that used to be a raging fire. It's quite simple really, we need to change our priorities.

First and foremost it should be our relationship with God. I mean God doesn't want someone who dates Him, He wants a marriage to us. Imagine if you will that God only remembered you, when you remembered Him during your day. Kinda scary when you think of it that way. I don't think for most of us, that we give God any time in our day, because we know He will always be there later, like we tell our kids, "later honey!"

If we can rearrange our priorities to include God in our daily time management schedule, our whole days would go smoother. Since this is about romance, our next item on that priority list should be your spouse. We need to include them in our appointment books or Blackberries or whatever you schedule your time into. Whether it is phoning them just to see how they are doing, or making time at the closure of your evening to hang out, watch some TV, attend Bible Study or church, the point is to make time. No excuses!

I am not saying to put your job on the back burner by any means, but if we don't care of our spouse, our marriage will wither away and someone else may just be offering what we aren't. You'd be surprised at how often affairs begin because the husbands or wives simply didn't have the time for the other, no one to talk to, or to do the things you normally do. We weren't supposed to live our lives like room mates thanks to the added responsibilities of households, kids and jobs. We are supposed to put our spouse's needs even before our own.

So if you are wondering how to get that spark going again, beside just sex, you need to begin by nurturing that relationship you have neglected and stop taking advantage of your husband or wife, thinking that you will have time for them later. Begin today and show them just how much they really mean to you. Plan something to do with just them, keeping it out of the bedroom preferred. Guaranteed the longer you continue to show your spouse the attention we all need to have, the better your relationship and marriage will go!

Can't wait to hear your results!

The Heartbreak of a Teen

I was sitting at home watching TV and waiting for my oldest daughter, Caitlyn to arrive home from her youth group with her boyfriend. They attend a high school group with some of their friends from high school.

My daughter came in sounding like she was laughing hysterically and when I went to see what was up, I soon realized those weren’t laughs. They were heart-breaking sobs, coupled with never ending tears and hunched shoulders.

I asked her what was wrong, and she just cried worse. I am thinking, car accident, something went wrong at church, or a death of a friend. It was worse than that.

Her boyfriend of almost 8 months, cause in teen years, every day counts, had broken up with her. He started the conversation like so many of us have heard before, “We need to talk.” Then he dropped the bomb, and left her standing on the porch crying while he got in the car with his dad and drove off.

This is where we enter the story again, with my daughter in tears. It honestly breaks your heart as a mom, because you want to take that pain away and just make it all better. We know better that only time and a lot of prayers make it better.

I had her call her best friend, Samm, that lives down the block even though it was getting late. Girlfriends never think anytime to deal with a break up is too late. She was over in a matter of minutes.

During that time, between sobs, and hugs, we learned that he felt they would be better friends. Oh how I have heard that before. Typical excuse, even though deep down, I felt there was more. Since they are both so young, communication skills were something that they were both learning.

My daughter explained that for a couple of weeks, they were arguing a bit more, and there were longer periods of silence between them. He was spending more time away from her than with her and their phone calls were getting shorter.

Background: She is going on 16 in two months and he just turned 15 in January. They don’t go to the same school, just occasionally get together on Wednesday nights for youth group and some dates on the weekend with friends and family. They are both committed to keeping themselves spiritually pure until marriage and both have strong Christian upbringing and families.

During the remainder of the night we tried to get her calm enough to at least try and get some sleep and we would deal with them more in the morning. I tried to explain that since they were both so young, it’s hard to learn the art of communicating when things are going well in your relationship, to try and resolve them. It takes practice. Lot’s of practice.

My daughter seems to think my hubby and I are seasoned experts. I had to explain that things aren’t always as great as they seem and we have to work things out when we don’t agree. I explained that we already have an agreement based on our marriage covenant that we will stay together no matter what, so we have to agree to work together when we come to a fork in our road.

We agree that we are committed to talking it out.

I often wonder in this turbulent time in our world if this isn’t the enemy trying to break up a great pair of people who are committed to furthering God’s work among the teens. If he can try to cause separation, he knows they won’t work on trying to stay together, they will simply turn and walk away. Too much trouble to deal with.

I wonder what would have happened if they simply agreed to sit down together to discuss their differences openly to see if those are changes both are willing to make to keep the relationship intact.

Why is it easier to walk away rather than try to work it out?
Are relationships so disposable that we can treat people like they don’t matter?

I believe if you commit to one another, even in a teen relationship, you need the support of both parents to help teens through issues such as this.
Otherwise, how will our teens learn how to deal with issues once something like this comes up in a marriage?

If we don’t teach them how to communicate, how will they learn?

My daughter saw how well my husband and I get along, but what she failed to understand is what she doesn’t see.

She doesn’t see compromise, she doesn’t see a willingness to work on things and never give up, and she doesn’t see how we honestly resolve our conflicts together when we don’t agree.

Please pray for her to be healed in this breakup process. Please pray that God won’t allow her to harden her heart towards others God may bring her way. Pray that God will reveal any lesson to her that she needed to learn by this experience and that He will send her comfort. By the way, she is the person pictured above.

With so many teen suicides these days, we never know what teens are thinking. We are truly blessed that she has a great network of Christian friends that we are making sure she is with daily right now. Dark times lay ahead and we pray that parents are open enough with our teens to make sure they can come to us with any need they have no matter how dumb or stupid it may seem.

We need to pray for not only our teens but the others they come into contact with daily, who may be searching for a willing ear and a shoulder to cry on and a heart that understands.

Valentine's Day Ideas

Feeling romantic lately, or in the mood for love? Could it be with Valentine's Day just around the corner you are feeling particularly inspired? I often feel so bad for husbands, boyfriends and any male person in general on Valentine's Day. It's the biggest day for pressure ever put on men by women in general. Do you ever sit back and wonder what it must be like for them to deal with this day upon all the others we place on their "To Do List"?

I mean, they have to actually plan on doing something or finding time in their already busy days to get to a card store or at the very least the grocery store. Most of them wait til the last minute and finding their pick is very limited if they can manage to find a card at all. Then they have to actually write something in it, because they just can't sign it. We would think that they didn't put any thought into it.

Then there is the gift, there has to be a gift of course, even though we tell them dinner or breakfast in bed is ok, it's a set up for most men. If they went off of what we said and not what we meant, it would be a long night for most of them on the couch or sleeping someplace else, not even the dog house is good enough for them. So what do they buy, over priced roses that during any other time of the year are only about $ 20.00 for a dozen and now they are $ 80.00? Or should it be another box of candy? Forget dinner out, since that is what every other person is doing on Valentine's day right? I mean you got to have reservations or your wait time will be over an hour, and the prices for the meals just jumped as well to double what they should be.

Poor men, I often feel that this day is so over rated by women. Let me give you a hint to avoid taking it out on your man this Valentine's Day. Be specific when he asks what you want. Don't tell him "Oh nothing really, just you", when deep inside your thinking card, candy, roses and dinner. He wasn't born with the God given talent of being a mind reader so tell him. If you don't and you come up short on Valentine's Day, guess whose fault it is? Yup, YOURS!

Here are my simple tips in today's economy to focus on the love part of your relationship. Girls feel free to print this out and hand it to your man for help. Trust me some need help while others deserved to be cloned to help other women out.

1. Re-enact your first date. For me, it was a movie night with Toy Story, dinner at a restaurant that isn't there any longer, which used to be the Hard Rock Cafe, in Newport Beach. Then we took a ferry to Balboa Island which was a 5 minute ride but still nice to see the lights of the harbor at night with the most incredible man of my life. It doesn't matter just try to relive that special night.

2. Make your own valentines! Agree that each of you will make one instead of buying one from the store. It has so much more sentimental meaning.

3. Agree to make breakfast in bed for each other, one of you does it Saturday and then the other does Sunday. Even if Valentine's day isn't over the weekend, celebrate it over the weekend anyway.

4. Write each other a poem that expresses your love for each other, how it began and how it has changed over the years or months.

5. Make each other feel special, make dinner a romantic thing with nice china and candlelight, make a special bubble bath with candles or add a bottle of wine while sitting under the moonlight, or watching the stars!

6. Remember what it was that brought you two together and remember that. Do something special for the other person that you know they will like, buy a book or magazine that they are interested in, have their car washed and the gas tank filled up, write post it notes and leave them everywhere your man or woman would likely find them, inside the refrigerator, inside the medicine cabinet, on the steering wheel of the car, you name it and you may just find yourself having more fun writing them and coming up with unusual places to find them.

7. Take Hershey's kisses and cover the floor of the bedroom with them along with the note that reads, I covered the ground you walk on with kisses!!

8. Get a lottery scratcher and enclose it with a card that reads, Ready to get lucky?

9. Write a note of the spice rack that reads "You are the spice of my life".

10. Get a book of matches and a note that reads, "You are the spark in my life".

The more creative you are will show that you not only put some thought into this day but it will be memorable as well. It is something that will live in their memories for a lifetime and one that they will talk about the next day to all their friends!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Keeping Romance Alive Part 2

Too often life gets out of control and we find ourselves wondering where has all the time gone? We have so many demands placed on us by family, friends, church, job and others that by the time we get to ourselves we have just run out. Physical stress and fatigue wears on us since we weren't programmed to handled so much in one day and the consistent demand to do more is ever present.

Our relationships then begin to suffer when we don't have time for everyone who is demanding that time. We will take care of our job responsibilities usually first, because that is what pays the bills, then our kids come next and then if we can find time, maybe our spouses. Forget any time for us. So how do we capture the romance that is nothing more than a smoldering spark that used to be a raging fire. It's quite simple really, we need to change our priorities.

First and foremost it should be our relationship with God. I mean God doesn't want someone who dates Him, He wants a marriage to us. Imagine if you will that God only remembered you, when you remembered Him during your day. Kinda scary when you think of it that way. I don't think for most of us, that we give God any time in our day, because we know He will always be there later, like we tell our kids, "later honey!"

If we can rearrange our priorities to include God in our daily time management schedule, our whole days would go smoother. Since this is about romance, our next item on that priority list should be your spouse. We need to include them in our appointment books or Blackberries or whatever you schedule your time into. Whether it is phoning them just to see how they are doing, or making time at the closure of your evening to hang out, watch some TV, attend Bible Study or church, the point is to make time. No excuses!

I am not saying to put your job on the back burner by any means, but if we don't care of our spouse, our marriage will wither away and someone else may just be offering what we aren't. You'd be surprised at how often affairs begin because the husbands or wives simply didn't have the time for the other, no one to talk to, or to do the things you normally do. We weren't supposed to live our lives like room mates thanks to the added responsibilities of households, kids and jobs. We are supposed to put our spouse's needs even before our own.

So if you are wondering how to get that spark going again, beside just sex, you need to begin by nurturing that relationship you have neglected and stop taking advantage of your husband or wife, thinking that you will have time for them later. Begin today and show them just how much they really mean to you. Plan something to do with just them, keeping it out of the bedroom preferred. Guaranteed the longer you continue to show your spouse the attention we all need to have, the better your relationship and marriage will go!

Can't wait to hear your results!

Top 10 Favorite Chick Flicks!

I love what most men would call "chick flicks", primarily because we can relate to the characters or situations in the movies so well, it makes us feel, laugh and most of the times cry. All the movies I have recommended here do have a moment in the film where you will say "Ahhhhh!" Whether it strikes you romantic heart, or bring back memories of a happier time, or take you on a mental vacation, the point is the movies are amazing. I hope you enjoy them and check a few out if you haven't seen them. Trust me, they are a 10+. Here's my take in no real particular order

1. The Holiday - Definitely my all time favorite feel great movie!!! I love this one because it empowers women in the most amazing way and the soundtrack is incredible! It stars Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. The premise for the movie involves two women going through relationship issues and needing a place to escape to avoid men, so they arrange a home exchange between a quaint little English cottage and a sprawling Beverly Hills home. I won't spoil the rest but enjoy it! We have all been there.

2. My Best Friends Wedding! Most movies with Julia Roberts in them are hard to pass up but I have to admit I did see this one with my now current hubby Steve when we were best friends, so it does have some sentimental ties to my life. The movie stars Julia Robert, Cameron Diaz, Dermot Mulroney and Rupert Everett. Her best friend, a man decides he is going to get married and it's when she realizes she has loved him her whole life and decides to try and win him back. Definitely funny as well as romantic.

3. Sweet Home Alabama - This one is starring Reese Witherspoon, Patrick Dempsey and Josh Lucas. Reese plays a up and coming fashion designer who is proposed to by a senators son (Patrick), but can't accept the proposal until she divorces her backwoods husband (Lucas). Will true love eventually win out? Check it out and see.

4. You've Got Mail - Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks make an incredible couple in any movie they star in together. They play two people who met in a chat room and have never met while living in the same city. Hanks plays a big book company builder out to take over Ryans cute and old fashioned Children's Book Store she inherited from her mom, but neither of them realize their chat room buddy is that other person. Gotta love where this one goes! I would also recommend the original movie this was remade from Shop Around the Corner!

5. The Wedding Date!! Oh how I had thought of this in so many desperate situations in my life! This movie stars Debra Messinger and Dermot Mulroney. Kat (Messinger) is invite to attend her sister's wedding and needs a date that she has been telling everyone back home she is involved with, so she hires Mulroney! I'll leave it at that point for you to enjoy all the twists and turns this one goes with.

6. The Notebook! For any and all possible die hard romantics that believe love truly lasts a lifetime! This movie stars Rachel Adams and Ryan Gosling as a younger couple being talked about by James Garner who is reading a story to his wife in a nursing home. Bring a big box of tissues for this one. Trust me, if you don't cry, you will at this one.

7. Shall We Dance? Gotta love Richard Gere! The man grows so much more attractive and likable as he ages! He stars as a lawyer looking for more out of life than watching people he represents getting a divorce settlement, so he settles for Ballroom Dancing. His wife Susan Saradon, thinks he is cheating since he won't confess where he is spending his evenings. Makes anyone want to take up ballroom dancing...ready Steve?

8. The Lake House - Glad to see Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves starring in a love story together. The storyline behind it is about a lonely doctor who once occupied an unusual lakeside home and begins exchanging love letters with its former resident, a frustrated architect. They must try to unravel the mystery behind their extraordinary romance before it's too late. Bring a box of tissues to this one as well and try to breathe!

9. Sleepless in Seattle - This is another Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan remake of an old movie, " An Affair to Remember" that is referred to throughout the movie. Hanks is a widower who is trying to get over his wife, when he sons calls into a radio show to discuss his father's loss. Ryan listening on the radio is drawn to the hope that she may fit that mold. New York will never be the same!

10. City of Angels - Thinking love is something created in heaven? Nicolas Cage and Meg Ryan star in this movie about a doctor questioning the ability of life after death and Cage is the angel keeping watch over her! Another heart tugging tear jerker and for me as a mom, I still have to fast forward over the first scene in the movie so be warned! No spoilers here.

I hope you love this classics as much as I have and find a special place in your heart for each of them. Let me know what your classic chick flicks are....love to read about them.