Mystery Diagnosis

I'm sure you are probably thinking I am going to write a blog post on the CoVID-19 virus but nope. I think people have heard enough about that to last a lifetime. This time, its about my recent trip to the Urgent Care facility.

I woke up yesterday morning with pain in my right side that was getting stronger by the hour. It didn't matter if I sat, stood up, walked or laid down. It had no affect on the pain. Now to give as specific as a pain comparison as I could, it felt like when I would run in high school and you get the stitch in your side. It wasn't constant but in waves. So I would have moments of reprieve.

So thinking I wanted to rule out things like appendicitis, I thought I would head to the Urgent Care over the Emergency Room. Not only to keep the wait time down, but to prevent me from having to be around so many sick people too. Thankfully, there was only one person waiting so I knew it wasn't going to be a long wait.

So when I was finally seen, the pain was on a scale of 5-6 if I wanted to be reasonable. I didn't really want to try and take something without knowing what is going on. The doctor asked all the usual questions, but when he pressed on the area that was sore, it almost put me through the roof. So he agreed that we should rule out appendicitis. So he said he was going to send me out for a CT Scan and run an IV just in case. So after all the usual paper work being faxed over and approvals, I was off to get a CT Scan with contrast complete.

To sum up long waiting times and getting through all the testings, lets just fast forward to the end result. No appendicitis, which was a relief, but it could be kidney stones, or the large stone I have in my gall bladder. Since the pain from the gall bladder didn't match up with what I was experiencing, he didn't think that was the case. So he said to give it a couple of days and see if perhaps I didn't move the right way, or caused something to pull when it shouldn't have and if it gets worse of course come back.

They weren't even going to prescribe anything for the pain, and wanted me to take Tylenol or Advil and rest. I kindly smiled and said if that were the case, I wouldn't have come into the office today. So he agreed to Tylenol 3. I was so happy to leave, I didn't really consider the pain level I would have to deal with later, that taking a Tylenol 3 wouldn't even touch. They did offer to give me Toredol in my IV before they took that out. However hours later, it didn't do anything.

The most interesting thing was looking at my discharge paperwork to see what they thought was wrong. I found 6 sheets of instructions for kidney stones, gallstones and stomach pains. Then I thought, did they seriously expect me to manage my pain level based on over the counter meds for any of those, with the exception of stomach pains?

I hate being the mystery diagnosis. The one they know there is something up, but they don't know why. That has been something I have dealt with my whole life. The one where all signs don't point to the same thing and instead remains a mystery. So while last night's sleep eluded me, and today I am barely functioning based on being so tired, I am just hoping to get a good nights sleep.

Do you ever face these issues or am I that unusual? Share your story with me today.

Roadblock Ahead

Today is a day find with a lot of unknowns.

While waiting for a call from my doctor's office about my test results, I told my husband, I didn't think the results would reveal anything and that in their opinion, everything was normal. While crying I began to explain to him that my biggest fear was facing this road of jumping through so many hoops to find someone, (1) who is willing to listen, (2) someone who will work with me to find a solution, (3), someone who will believe I have a serious pain problem and not just looking for the next pain prescription.

Having IC or Interstitial Cystitis, is a nightmare for anyone who has it. You will spend countless hours bouncing from one doctor to another who will automatically diagnose you with a bladder infection or UTI. ALL your tests results will come back normal or no infection found. Yet all the doctors want to do is pass the buck around rather than working WITH the patient to find the answers to what works for them. I don't know why my medication isn't helping any longer. I don't know why I am facing this road ahead of me again. I don't know how long I will have to learn to manage my symptoms until I get the answers I need working with the doctor who really wants to help.

Trust me, I don't want to be on any pain meds, but this pain for those of you that have had UTI's know, can be debilitating until you find pain relief. For now I am on a prescription for the medical equivalent of AZO until I can find someone to see me. Funny how my previous urologist is no longer practicing medicine at the facility near me anymore. Funny in the sense that I have gone through more doctors in 3 years than most people circulate through in their life. Most only stay for about 6 months and then they vanish. No one even is notified they have left the facility until you call for an appointment.

So today, I prayed to God, that He will give me enough to get through each day and He will need to clear the road blocks placed before me. I guess I took for granted all those pain free days for the last couple of years when it seemed like I had somewhat of a normal life, for anyone facing this situation. You can't call it a disease, an illness, so I guess you have to lump it into an incurable diagnosis. Join me in prayer to just make it through each day, one at a time, with what I can self medicate with for now. Lord, please throw open some doors I have yet to see. Help me with Your strength to get through each day, one hour at a time. Help me during this time to not lose my focus and take my eyes off You! Don't let me remain focused on me, but on what You are doing, even though I can't see what's happening and if it is according to You will help me walk through this while I wait for Your healing or more answers to help. In JESUS name, Amen!

To Scope or Not To Scope, That is the question!

Today is a bad day.

What I mean by that is I rate most of my days now by my pain scale and today is a 5. The lowest I have even been able to get it down to is 3, although there are moments in that 3 day where I almost feel normal. Today is 66 days since I've been dealing with the issue of IC or Interstitial Cystitis. It is all the signs and symptoms of a UTI or bladder infection but without the infection part which means that taking things like cranberry juice, cranberry tablets, over the counter meds like AZO doesn't work. AZO is only supposed to used for 2 days at the most and for me, 2 days isn't going to cut it.

So on Friday at 8am I am scheduled for a cystoscopy, which is where you are given something to numb you locally while they insert a camera for a look inside your urethra and bladder. The procedure is supposed to take anywhere from 5 minutes to 15 minutes and there is expected to be some discomfort following that for a day or two.

While it will rule out what it might or might not be, the issue I have is the pain that might accompany me during the procedure and for sure afterwards. Right now I am attempting to manage my lifestyle around 3-5 on my pain scale with taking Elavil 25 mg and taking Marshmallow Root capsules before every meal. If this diagnosis is in fact IC, there is NO cure. Taking things like AZO will NOT help my issue.

If it were only a UTI or simple cystitis than those might be options I can benefit from. I hate looking at my life now and wondering, "Is this as good as it will be?" I am almost out of options for the treatment of IC, besides increasing my dosage of Elavil which may or may not help. I hate that every time I try to talk to my doctor he simply dismisses my issue of dealing with ongoing pain. He simply writes a new prescription and tells me to follow up in about 4 weeks. 4 WEEKS?!!! What about the pain I am dealing with now?

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want pain meds just to be on pain meds forever, and even the one's that do help don't allow me to function in any normal level of being able to move on with my life. Ibuprofen, the doctors choice prescription is a joke. If simply taking that would help, I would not be coming to the doctor. I have taken Advil, Aleve and nothing helps. I have even succumbed to trying the Ibuprofen but NOTHING. Don't get me started on Tramadol, it does nothing. NOT ONE THING for me. That is usually doctor's recommendation # 2. I had to beg my primary to give me a prescription for Norco and I am able to take half of those and keep my pain level way down, but it doesn't allow me to be up and about, it is sitting in a chair or laying down.

Truly I am at a loss at this point between toggling with cancelling everything, postponing it for a later date, but I think well if I am going to postpone it, why not just bite the bullet like someone said and just go for it. Oh how I wish this was treatable in a sense that you take some pills for a couple of weeks and you're back to normal. No pain when you urinate, no acid like pain in your bladder and of course the constant need to feel like you have to go and of course don't.

For now it is a depressing time and I find myself toggling between crying a lot, praying daily, and of course researching anything and everything anyone with IC has tried. Is there anyone out there that has this and can help me? ANYONE?

If so, what has worked?

How are you dealing with your pain and discomfort?

Are there things you are doing that have worked or not?

Advice?

Ups and Downs

Hard to figure out why some days are better than others when managing my IC pain. I try to keep to my approved food list, but there are those moments when it seems like you're doing everything right and nothing seems to help. I am trying to stay positive and most of all, trying to keep my emotions in check. That in itself seems like an impossible task.

To say that IC (Interstitial Cystitis) sufferers have to deal with life style changes is an understatement. You can't just hop of to a random lunch at your favorite restaurant because your food choices have changed. My hubby in hoping to cheer me up offered to do just that, a lunch date to get out of the house. Where does one go when you have IC? No more Mexican food with my favorite people, No more Italian food, no more Pizza and now I really have to scrutinize the ingredient list in what I do order, so we opted to eat at home since it was more safe for me.

It is hard to even think about going anywhere based on this because not only do you have to have a restroom readily available but you also carry water with you everywhere you go along with your approved food choices and let me tell you, there are not many I can have. My beverage choices are water, milk and milk substitutes like Almond Milk and such, eggnog, pear and blueberry juice. That is all my friends. Can't even infuse my water with things I used to love like strawberries and other berries. I even tried Hibiscus Tea yesterday with blueberries, and that left me reeling in pain all night to the point I was considering taking some pain meds.Last night was not a good night.

So what does one have on your typical day, breakfast for me will be bagel and cream cheese with water, followed by lunch which will be a grilled cheese sandwich on wheat bread and cottage cheese, and dinner will be salmon and broccoli. All with my ever full cup of ice water. I do have an appointment with a natural doctor who deals outside of prescriptions drugs but that is not until May 25th. I have a scope scheduled for Friday but trying to decide if I want to do that and deal with pain all weekend long.

From what I have been reading and researching, scopes are generally not scheduled unless prior treatment has failed or there is blood in your urine. For now I guess, I can manage my symptoms as best as I can, and no blood in my urine at this time. I am still waiting for the results of my urine culture I completed yesterday so time will tell. I will call for the results on Thursday, but I know what it will reveal, no infection. So today I pray that God will strengthen me to walk the path He has laid before me today. There will always be something good in all of it so I am thanking Him that He has a plan and a purpose for this. For now, just trying to find ways to enjoy some coffee so I don't have to deal with migraines from caffeine withdrawal and finding ways to get my energy level back.

Please pray that the pain will be manageable today, that my energy levels will increase, and that I will be fully healed from this in God's timing. 

If God Loves Us, Why Does He Allow Bad Things to Happen?

In light of the recent controversies surrounding our Right to Die, I thought I would share this. I hope it reaches just who needs to hear it the most.

“Dear God….”
Why do you allow people to die before they should?

Someone died before his or her time. Don’t we assume that we have a timetable slated when we are supposed to live a full life, like into our older years like 70’s or 80’s? When does the Bible say that? It doesn’t. It states that there is “a time to be born and a time to die”. (Ecclesiastes 3:2) God is in charge of that. We don’t have a say about when we get to be born or when we get to die, but we have everything to do with the time in between and how we choose to live it. Psalm 90:12. “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” means to make the most of our time. Don’t take any of your loved ones for granted. Don’t put off telling someone in your life just how much they mean to you, because no one knows how much time you have left. You don’t have a guarantee on how much time you have left.

There is a book that tells you about “The Things You Must Do Before You Die”, with some of the examples such as going to the academy awards, or running with the Bulls? Running with the bulls? Isn’t that a way to die? Did you know that the author of this book died at the age of 47 after hitting his head after a fall in his home, and he only completed half of the things in his book. The goal isn’t to do all these things but to glorify God. Sure it’s ok to do some of things but they shouldn’t be our life’s focus.

God will give you a peace that passes all understand not give you an understanding.

Don’t worry about it, pray about it and he will give you enough strength to get you through it day by day.

Psalms 61: Here my cry of God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

No one ever said that you would live a trouble-free life in this world.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Bad things happen to Christians as well, problems with our families, dying in unexpected accidents, getting cancer. No one is guaranteed a problem-free life.

Why is it that the words trial and problems occur in the same sentence. Why doesn’t God remove my problems if He loves me? Because God loves you, it’s your definition of how He should show that love that is our mistake and what we think good means in our life. No pain, no suffering, no death, a problem free life with the sun shining and birds singing. Doesn’t that sound appealing?

John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Our definition of good is what benefits us in the here and now and not in the by and by. We are interested in what will benefit us temporarily while God is interested in our eternal benefit.

We are interested in what will make us happy, while God is interested in what will make us holy.

He doesn’t always remove suffering because it makes us stronger and keeps us closer to Him. We can also be used in our situations to glorify Him and bring others to Him through our problems.

Why does God allow it?

1. Adversity levels us and keeps us humble. Prosperity has a tendency to make us proud. We don’t need God when things are going smoothly, the bills are paid, we have a great job, family life is incredible and there is money in the bank. Hopefully however, when adversity comes, we turn to God and see what really matters. It is during times of prosperity we will forget God. When tragedy and adversity hits, we pray and pray a lot.

2. Adversity teaches us eternal truths we would not learn on our own. Our basic objective is to avoid pain at all costs. We want to be comfortable. We want to look good, but we don’t want to sweat, we don’t want the muscle aches and pain, but pain reminds us of a deeper need. Hunger pains, birth pains, back pains, you get it.

God teaches us lessons in those pain filled valleys we wouldn’t have learned on the mountaintops of our life. Things we need to know, things we need to share while we are passing through this life into our eternal one.

3. God allows us to go through these adversities so we will have compassion for others in pain. Never minimalize someone’s pain, but reach out for him or her.
Success builds walls but failures build bridges. When things are going well for you, you got that promotion, you kids got all A’s again, you just bought a new house, paid off all your debt, and you’re sharing that with someone whose life isn’t going well. They are losing their home, they don’t have enough money to put groceries in their home, and their kids are failing in school, it puts up a wall between you and them.

But what happens when a friend comes to you and tells you that they need prayer, that they were just diagnosed with cancer. You care and you want to help them. You should. When we go through adversity, we can help others.

2 Corinthians 1: 4-5 “ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

It was only through the death of Stephen that the worst Christian killer, Saul of Tarsus, was brought to God and became Paul. So sometimes good comes from adversity and tragedy. We just need to look for it and seek God every minute of every day.

Stormy Night

She sits in her bedroom staring out at the open window into the night sky. It's filled with clouds that make the sky look darker than it should be. A storm is coming.

The night remains a constant reminder of what her life has become at this point. She keeps the lights turned out, partly because it's easier to see the display of the storm in the clouds as they light up from time to time, showing a crack in the sky of the bright lights before the sound of thunder booms in the distance. Each time the sky lights up the storm grows closer.

The other reason for the blackness in her bedroom is because that is how she feels about her life. It's dark and void of all light and life. It matches her mood for the moment which is empty. Its also a way to hide the fact that once more she is alone again. The darkness provides a sense of escape. It's here that she can pretend that somewhere in her room she isn't alone. That someone is with her although they can't be seen.

Once again, she isn't forced to face the fact that she will go to be alone. No warmth on the other side of the bed. No tossing and turning or even the game of tug of war with the sheets. She places pillows on the bed to take his place. A reminder of just how big the bed really is when it's missing someone she's supposed to share her life with.

It's a reminder that he has chosen something other than her to fill his time with. His job, his TV programs, and even video games take her place. It places a certain amount of value on her even though it isn't what she wants to know. That she is alone. Again.

The lightening once more travels in its downward path and for one moment, her room lights up, but it's still just a reminder that what she believed isn't real after all. Her room really is empty and the only sound she continues to hear besides the thunder is the sound of the tears hitting her pillow. But at least here in the darkness no one can see her pain. And then the rain begins to fall.

Calling All Help!

I apologize for being gone for so long and here in a nutshell is what is being going on. First of all with last week being Thanksgiving and celebrating it with family I haven't seen for quite a while I took some time off from blogging. Then my mom and my sister offered to take the girls for us for a few days so Steve and I could actually have a date weekend.

Then lucky me, got my period on the Friday following Thanksgiving. Even with minimal pain I managed to still enjoy my time with the hubby.

On Saturday, I still wasn't feeling too hot and thought maybe I picked up a bug of some sort, cause I was feeling nauseated but not to the point of throwing up, my body works in the opposite direction and you know where it goes from there.

After spending a few days dealing what seemed like the flu, I forced myself to the ER again. After being seen at 8am, I was given some pain meds but the diarrhea still was coming on. I had to ask the poor ER nurse to unhook me from my IV to use the bathroom every 15 minutes. After that I was told that they were going to have me take a CAT scan of my lower abdomen because I was still having pain and it would show them so much more.

So I had to drink this god awful stuff within 30 minutes and then wait 1 1/2 to get the tests. Thank goodness the test was only 15 minutes long.

After that was done, it was now 12 and they decide they are going to admit me to find out why I am still having abdominal pain along with diarrhea. I was finally taken to my room at 3pm and I am told that I will be meeting with some doctors later that day. I saw one and he told me he would be in the following morning to do some xrays of my colon. See you tomorrow.

Then they take me to a Hideascan to get an in depth look at my Gall Bladder which takes a hour. Did they mention, I have diarrhea and can't wait that long? I manage to barely get off the table and scramble to the bathroom. The bathroom is my new best friend.

After I get settled in my room I have about 2 hours before visiting hours are over. They end at 8pm and resume at 11am the following day. Seriously? I can't have a patient advocate for me for that long?

So I sent Steve home last night at 8:30 of getting no answers to why I am still not getting anything to control the diarrhea. The doctors forgot to put it in my chart, and there is NOTHING they can do until tomorrow morning. Sorry deal with living on the toilet all night, not to mention being attached to an IV which needs to be unplugged and dragged to the bathroom with me, plugged back in and then try to lay down.

At 9:30pm I notice that my pain in my ab is coming back really angry and beg the nurse for pain meds. She tells me that it's exactly every 4 hours and if I could just wait, she would oblige. Do I have a choice? I guess the tell tale look and tears streaming down my face did not do justice, although I did mention that this is the worse I have felt since arriving here at 8am. She proceeds to correct me and tell me that I haven't been here that long and they I have only been under their care upstairs for a few hours.

She comes back in 30 minutes to the dot and has a syringe with morphine and puts it into my IV. I ask how long will it take for the pain to go away, she assures me 5 to 10 minutes at the most. I cringe still cripping my stomach and proceed to wait.

After one hour, still no change. I page her again and tell her that it's not working. She tells me sorry, doctors orders, that is all she can do for now, she'll be back in 4 to give me more. I explain that I can not wait or deal with pain as severe as 9, because I believe 10 is what you feel if you aren't dying.

She begins to explain all the reasons behind why she is entitled to receive her RN license and I beg her to see if there is something else she can do.

Why she calls for advice on what to do, I have to use the rest room and can't quite make it there in time to help me undo the IV, so I use the portable commode in my room. The RN comes back to tell me that she is still waiting for a call back from the ER doctor to see what my options are. I explain about using the commode and she tells me she will deal with it. Later I hear her at the nurses station mocking me about how bad my BM smells and how she should be rated a hero for none of the other nurses having to do it.

I just lay in bed crying at this point. After 30 minutes, she comes back and gives me another shot of morphine and explains that the doctor will be giving me a total of 4 mg every 4 hours and she'll be back then.

I beg to ask the question before she puts it in, what if it still doesn't work. She said there is nothing we can do for another 4 hours, do I want it or not?

I ask her why does it have to be morphine, why can't it be the other drugs from earlier in the day that worked?

Why am I asking these questions? Anyone help me?

So she gives me the shot and after an hour....yup nothing. Still in pain. When I call her and let her know, she tells me we are out of options at this point. I will need to wait until morning.

I explain to her that not only did I come to the ER today to have my diarrhea taken care of and my ab pain gone, I am back in square one again. Nothing is being done, doctors can't be reached and tests can't be pushed back to give this girl some life back. Needless to say, I checked myself out, on the threat of by doing so I could die and went home.

I took one Norco and some gatorade and went to bed. I am now working with my personal doctors to figure this out. If they had just provided something for the pain, I am sure I would at least know what it is by now. For now however I am working with my family health care doctor to find out what is going on, so I am taking antibiotics to get me through the weekend and once she finds out what the results are of my blood work and stool samples, we will go from there. She was also nice enough to give me something for the diarrhea to get me through the weekend til we meet again next week. I was able to have all my results from the old hospital transferred to her today so that she will have them on Monday and my stool samples were also dropped off so those should be back by Monday.

The downside again, Steve's job is telling him that he needs to get back to work or no getting paid. Apparently according to them he only has 2 vacation days left and no sick time. Let's just say that is all gone today. So we are praying that someone has made a mistake since sick time is not calculated on pay checks. Please lift him up in prayer as well.

Kailee our youngest just got sick this morning and is off to the doctor even now, thanks Steve, tossing her cookies all the way there. Who knows perhaps this family just all got a good dose of the flu all in the same week!

So if any of you have any recommendations, please free free to email me directly at Stevenkat27@verizondotnet or leave a comment for me here if you have any suggestions on what I can do on a go forward basis.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and well wishes and I will check back with you as often as I can, and promise you are all not forgotten. You all remain in my heart and prayers! I love you all!

If God Loves Us, Why Does He Allow Bad Things to Happen?

This was a post of mine from February but with so many people hurting, I felt a calling to repost this for all of you. ~ Love and Hugs ~ Kat

“Dear God….”
Why do you allow people to die before they should?

Someone died before his or her time. Don’t we assume that we have a timetable slated when we are supposed to live a full life, like into our older years like 70’s or 80’s? When does the Bible say that? It doesn’t. It states that there is “a time to be born and a time to die”. (Ecclesiastes 3:2) God is in charge of that. We don’t have a say about when we get to be born or when we get to die, but we have everything to do with the time in between and how we choose to live it. Psalm 90:12. “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” means to make the most of our time. Don’t take any of your loved ones for granted. Don’t put off telling someone in your life just how much they mean to you, because no one knows how much time you have left. You don’t have a guarantee on how much time you have left.

There is a book that tells you about “The Things You Must Do Before You Die”, with some of the examples such as going to the academy awards, or running with the Bulls? Running with the bulls? Isn’t that a way to die? Did you know that the author of this book died at the age of 47 after hitting his head after a fall in his home, and he only completed half of the things in his book. The goal isn’t to do all these things but to glorify God. Sure it’s ok to do some of things but they shouldn’t be our life’s focus.
God will give you a peace that passes all understand not give you an understanding.

Don’t worry about it, pray about it and he will give you enough strength to get you through it day by day.

Psalms 61: Here my cry of God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

No one ever said that you would live a trouble-free life in this world.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Bad things happen to Christians as well, problems with our families, dying in unexpected accidents, getting cancer. No one is guaranteed a problem-free life.

Why is it that the words trial and problems occur in the same sentence. Why doesn’t God remove my problems if He loves me? Because God loves you, it’s your definition of how He should show that love that is our mistake and what we think good means in our life. No pain, no suffering, no death, a problem free life with the sun shining and birds singing. Doesn’t that sound appealing?

John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Our definition of good is what benefits us in the here and now and not in the by and by. We are interested in what will benefit us temporarily while God is interested in our eternal benefit.

We are interested in what will make us happy, while God is interested in what will make us holy.

He doesn’t always remove suffering because it makes us stronger and keeps us closer to Him. We can also be used in our situations to glorify Him and bring others to Him through our problems.

Why does God allow it?

1. Adversity levels us and keeps us humble. Prosperity has a tendency to make us proud. We don’t need God when things are going smoothly, the bills are paid, we have a great job, family life is incredible and there is money in the bank. Hopefully however, when adversity comes, we turn to God and see what really matters. It is during times of prosperity we will forget God. When tragedy and adversity hits, we pray and pray a lot.

2. Adversity teaches us eternal truths we would not learn on our own. Our basic objective is to avoid pain at all costs. We want to be comfortable. We want to look good, but we don’t want to sweat, we don’t want the muscle aches and pain, but pain reminds us of a deeper need. Hunger pains, birth pains, back pains, you get it.

God teaches us lessons in those pain filled valleys we wouldn’t have learned on the mountaintops of our life. Things we need to know, things we need to share while we are passing through this life into our eternal one.

3. God allows us to go through these adversities so we will have compassion for others in pain. Never minimalize someone’s pain, but reach out for him or her.
Success builds walls but failures build bridges. When things are going well for you, you got that promotion, you kids got all A’s again, you just bought a new house, paid off all your debt, and you’re sharing that with someone whose life isn’t going well. They are losing their home, they don’t have enough money to put groceries in their home, and their kids are failing in school, it puts up a wall between you and them.

But what happens when a friend comes to you and tells you that they need prayer, that they were just diagnosed with cancer. You care and you want to help them. You should. When we go through adversity, we can help others.

2 Corinthians 1: 4-5 “ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.”

It was only through the death of Stephen that the worst Christian killer, Saul of Tarsus, was brought to God and became Paul. So sometimes good comes from adversity and tragedy. We just need to look for it and seek God every minute of every day.

The End Is Too Close for Me Today!

I was debating on whether or not to even begin to blog about this, but after all, don't we live for moments to come around in life to blog about. Well today it happened, to ME of all people.

THE END is here!

Whilest skating today with our kids during their skate lessons, all was going well. Three hours into the skating session we were having a great time. Met new friends, feeling good after being so sore for the last couple of days, and our family was together again after Cait finally made it home from Leadership camp.

I was in the process of teaching my daughter, Caitlyn how to begin backwards skating, because, yes, at 45, I am still pretty darn good. I guess you truly never forget the things you learned while growing up.

So the skate floor was pretty crowded since three families were there celebrating their birthdays in addition to your normal Saturday afternoon crowd. I was even pacing myself pretty well so I could make it the entire four hours without need of an oxygen mask or CPR. I am 45 after all.

Well I got myself wedged between the wall which is where most of the wall walkers go. You know the ones just learning how to skate so they walk or skate while holding on to the wall. I was skating backwards, looking where I was going and then realized just how tight things were getting, and to avoid taking out a little girl next to me, I attempted to turn around. Too late! I had no room to rotate and before I knew it, WHAM!, not the band, but the sound I heard when said tailbone meets the solid wood floor.

I saved myself from hitting my head, thankfully but not before realizing as severe pain shot up my spine into my brain as well as down both my legs. Hubby came by and stopped to help me up but I sat there, honestly wondering if I would be able to stand.

It hurt that much and things felt like they were going numb. All I knew was I had to get off the floor and sit down, if that was even an option. I knew at that very instant, I was done. I even said that to Steve as he helped me up.

I hobbled off the floor and cringed as I attempted to sit down. Since we know most of the people that work there, Mark, the DJ, stopped by and asked how I was doing. I told him honestly, not well. He completely understood and offered me a free drink ticket and told me that Coke seems to magically make it all better.

My youngest, Kailee, went and got me an ice pack, but seriously in the middle of a family skating rink, where was I going to put the ice pack?? I placed it on my wrist since I supposedly put it down to help catch myself.

Steve helped me take off my skates and offered to help me to the car. My biggest fear was just the thought of walking.

Long story short, and an Urgent Care visit later, cracked my tailbone, on heavy pain meds and off my feet for at least a week if I can manage it. No sitting is prescribed. So I lay here in bed, typing this small request of you reading this, to please pray that the healing takes place a little bit faster than normal and I refuse to let the enemy steal my joy while recovering.

Still smiling however despite the ever increasing pain!

Feeling Older Than Dirt Today!

Hey remember how we chatted via my blog yesterday about how I wasn't going to let things get me down and I was going to get out and enjoy all that life has to offer?

Um, perhaps not all in the course of one day?!

At least that is what I felt like last night after retiring to the sanity of my old familiar bed.

Old, older than dirt, old.

I mean feeling every bone in your body ache kinda old.

Old like you should start slow and work you way up slow, old!

The day started off brilliantly (Sounds like a line from a Harry Potter film, I can hear Ron say Brilliantly to Harry, sorry)with a great cup of coffee. We started things off slowly and didn't rush to get to making plans on our day. It was going to be a sort of challenge to just take whatever opportunity passed our way and say YES!

Well we decided if our kids were taking their roller skating lessons, we would join them for a short two hour skate afterwards. It has been about 5 years since I skated, loved doing it at the beach and something I loved since I was a teen in high school. Hubby hadn't done it in about 10 years, pre-Kailee days and our last memory of that was roller blading at the beach.

Sorry but I am a fan of the old quad wheels not inlines. My ankles and coordination skills aren't that great much less balancing all my extra weight I now have that I didn't when I was a teen.

Age kinda does that to you.

Well our kids were just tickled pink with that idea of watching mom and dad skate with them. I must say we weren't the only ones about 5 other parents were there and a bunch of kids that could literally skate circles around the things we did back in my high school days.

After about an hour we sat inhaling large quantities of water and wheezing in and out, trying to rest between a game that was in the works of being started.

I looked at my watch, then at Steve and said, "You know, we've only been doing this for an hour?"

I think he seriously stopped breathing and his eyes enlarged in his head, as bead of sweat continued to roll down his neck. "Your kidding right?"

"Nope, we still have an hour left!" I said wiping my own sweat from my forehead and fanning myself with my hand.

I think we both at that moment in time questioned our sanity but threw caution to the wind anyway.

Fast forward to the end of the night, once gravity takes control and time begins to wear thin at those muscles that haven't been put to good use in way way too long. Oh, man! Were we ever sore!

Sore, aching, plagued with enormous pain, racked with agonizing muscle aches. I am sure you get the picture.

It wasn't pretty, but we both looked at each other before toasting over water filled glasses and muscle relaxers, "It was fun wasn't it?"

"Yup, want to do it again?"

"Absolutely, if we can manage this about 4 hours a week, we'd have exercising just down pat."

"Cheers to next week. I'll call the pharmacy and refill these before we run out."

Ah all in a day's work and just loving life even if it feels like it's going to kill us.

By the way, Steve only fell once on his inlines and I managed to avoid the floor! Guess we aren't so old after all!! :)

A Tough Call

I have felt led in the last 24 hours by the Holy Spirit based on so many testimonies that I have read not only in the blogging world but in the news as well.

It leads me to share not only my own testimony in a particular area of my past to hopefully help someone in the same situation or perhaps someone that they know.
It deals with a very painful and shameful subject for me. It deals with abortion.

At 17, I thought I knew everything I needed to know as a high school teenager in a relationship with a boy for over a year. A boy I loved, in every sense of the word, that I knew it at the time. Someone I gave my heart to!

Someone I thought I would marry.

Someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

I woke up to what should have been a normal high school morning and I found out one morning that I was pregnant.

No amount of tears could ever be collected to show just how much I wish crying could erase everything in my life at that moment.

In an instant, my life changed. Forever.

My boyfriend offered his sympathy, but ultimately after the tears and sobs stopped, the question lingered.

"You aren’t going to keep it right?"

"You’re going to do the right thing and get rid of it right?"

"We’re only teenagers and not ready to be parents, you see that right?"

Even though these words came from the mouth of my boyfriend, it would take me many years later to see that they came from the enemy instead.

Of course at 17, I wasn’t prepared to have a baby much less raise one for the rest of my life.

At 14, my mom gave birth to my youngest sister, and it subsequently fell to me to raise her while my mom returned to work. She was a single mom at the time.

So I had spent the last three years, learning what it’s like to raise a baby and hating every minute of it. I had the diaper changes and feedings and constant care. I mean where was my life headed. What about my time?

Thankfully mom took care of the nights, so I didn’t see the things parents deal with at night or when you are at school. When it doesn’t end, the caring of a newborn.

I had already made a decision that day.

I was too young.

I didn’t want to share it with anyone.

I didn’t have an open relationship with my parents to discuss this.

My parents would have probably forced me to keep the baby, but if I didn’t tell them, they would never know.

So I hid my problem. My boyfriend worked, so he paid for my procedure. Let’s call it that for now. It still shames me to hear the word abortion and me in the same sentence.

I was wide-awake for the whole thing.

It was the most horrible thing a woman will ever have to deal with in her life.
No brochures, conversations, or videos can ever explain how you will feel when you go through it.

Besides the physical pain, you know without a doubt what you are doing.
You are ending a life inside you.

You made a choice to have sex and the consequence was pregnancy.

Now you have the choice to deal with it or run and hide.

I hid.

Once the procedure was over, I cried.

I cried for the pain I felt physically but more for the pain I felt emotionally and mentally.

I cried for the life I had taken so easily without a second thought.

I still cry for that life. A child that would be 28 today.

A child I will see again.

I wasn’t a Christian then.

My parents weren’t a religious family.

I have no excuse, what I did will live for me forever.

You will never get over it. You will never forget it.

But since I found God, He forgave me for it.

He took away my grief, my shame and my sadness for that life.

He cleaned me and made me whole again.

He covers my ears, so that I am no longer reminded by the enemy of my shame and shortcoming as a woman.

I shared this personal story today, because I believe it’s time for Christians to stand up for their beliefs. It was time for me to share something of my faith, because I believe people need to see Christians as something other than perfect and never doing anything wrong in their lives.

They need to know how our lives are different and how Jesus can change us. Make us better people because of His love.

I don’t support abortion and would strongly advise any option besides that one. Why?
Because I don’t want anyone to suffer the pain I still feel 28 years later, even though Jesus has forgive me.

I know some that stop by here will judge me. You have every right to do so. However, I believe God uses our circumstances to reach out to a hurting person and can say, "I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there. I can help you. Will you let me?"

God uses everything that happens to us for the good of reaching people that are hurting. People that don’t want to be judged. People that think so far less of themselves than they should. People that have no one. God uses people like me to reach people like you.

I share it because I have been there and can tell you, it’s not worth it. Jesus is! If you know someone who is considering abortion or you, who is reading this, just passing through is, please, stop.

Pray and ask God for help. This is not God’s answer to the problem. It’s the enemies! Don’t run away. Seek help in the Christian community and find a church. Talk to a pastor. Ask for help! You can even email me direct and I will talk to you. You are not alone! You are not worthless but worthy!

There is someone there that is just waiting for you to help you. Don’t forget God loves you and will be with you every step of the way. You will never face anything alone, ever again. I hope this has helped you.