Keeping My Faith in Tact!

Why God? It is what is circling through my mind right now. The spiritual battle today has been relentless but it shouldn't surprise me at all. In fact, far too many times I go about my day forgetting it's a battlefield and not a playground. Yet I find myself caught off guard when it seems like you're at the beach dodging one wave only to get pummeled by another one. 

So as a believer in Christ it is logical to question what's up? Is there any guidance to be gleaned? My first thought is prayer first, and then wait and listen to see what God has to say. 

I got a phone call today in the midst of a hard day already. Trying to deal with so many family issues that are all raging out of control today and all happening one after the other. Today, I am trying to remain in control of the one thing I can and that's my faith. 

It's my go to when things like today happen. My dad, almost 81 years old was scheduled for hernia surgery today and we prayed together last night that no matter what happened it would be a win-win situation as a believer. He would either have a successful surgery or he would go immediately into heaven and be 100% restored again and living a wonderful life til we get together again. 

Only neither of those were the outcome. During the midst of his surgery, his heart began to act up and both the doctor and his anesthesiologist decided to stop before risking his life. Not even sure how far or even if they started his surgery. All I know is he is in recovery and they are waiting for him to wake up. Was God getting ready to take him home? Not sure, but at least He decided my dad's time here on earth wasn't done yet. He still has a plan and a purpose for this right now. He was needed here. 

I am praying that God will give him some sort of peace in the midst of this. He had been looking forward to hanging out with his military honor guard friends again that he volunteers with and with the onset of this hernia, he hasn't been able to participate due to the pain. Will God heal him in spite of a failed surgery? 

These are the questions rolling through my mind as I sit here once again taking up blogging to give myself some sort of outlet for all the things. I wait to hear from him and see what he has to say when he wakes up. I pray that he won't lose his faith. He may question it all after this, but I pray God will be there with him and give him a sense of purpose again. I am thankful he is still here. 

Is there another answer for what has happened to his heart during his surgery? We have to wait for more answers when he meets with his doctor. What I am grateful for at this time, is I can feel God's presence with me. I feel a strength that isn't my own. I feel Him holding me. 

So now I wait for more answers, both from God and from my Dad. But the one thing I won't give up on is my faith. I may not know the Why, but I do know God and I am trying to stay in His presence. That is here I can find peace and strength. 

How do you handle those tough days? 

Seeds of Faith and Seeds of Doubt

Do you ever have one of those days in your spiritual walk that make you wonder if you have gotten off the path and have wandered away? Those days when doubt creeps in, a heavy weight feels like it has landed on your shoulders and you just feel like crying but can't really figure out why?

What do you do?

I had one of those days and unfortunate while dealing with it, things kept happening to intensify that effect from a handful of text messages I could have dealt with better had I not been feeling that way to being asked repeatedly for help from everyone who could. Those are the days I think you are beyond feeling overwhelmed.

You are just wiped out.

Even though the days and weeks before you were doing fine, things are going along perfectly, you're reading your Bible, doing your devotions, serving to the best of your ability and then WHAM!

It's like you woke up in your body but in a different period of time.

It's like you lost that lovin feeling.

Then people will ask you "What's wrong?"

They want to know how they can help.

How can they when you can't even figure out what went wrong, what is going on and how to get over this horrible feeling of uncertainty.

I didn't even feel like listening to my praise and worship music like I do every morning when I get up. Even just the idea of celebrating Christmas left such a horrible taste in my mouth. I wanted to run away and tell everyone to just leave me alone.

But I didn't.

Because life still goes on around you even when you are dealing with something beyond the blues. People still need your input and you are called to put your emotions in check and paste on that happy face and fake it.

Not even food sounds appealing either.

I didn't even want to pick up my Bible and read my morning devotions or do my study. I didn't even want to pray. I had nothing I could think of to pray for and I certainly didn't want to talk about what I was feeling, because I didn't know myself.

I even tried to speculate what it might be but honestly, I could probably chalk it up to a series of things coupled with lack of sleep and being so worn out in serving everyone I had nothing left to give.

Perhaps that is why Jesus often went away to just spend time with his Father, to pray. To revive; to be filled with the Spirit so He could give more of himself away.

Add to that mix spiritual warfare at its finest.

The enemy is like that.

Wanting to take advantage of the situation. To keep us down.

So I did what anyone does.

I cried.

A lot.

I told myself I didn't want to feel this way and I will not be ruled by my lying feelings. I prayed and asked God for help. He didn't answer right away. In fact it took til this morning to feel any better at all.

I read my Bible despite being so torn in my mood that I couldn't even pay attention to what I was reading. I found a lot of wisdom in the day however.

During my study of what I was supposed to be reading. I came across the story of Michael and Satan arguing about the condition of Moses body and rather than argue with Satan of lying about it, Michael simply stated, The Lord rebuke you, and he left the judgment of Satan up to God.

I didn't remember this until late last night I thought more about how bad my day was going but that in the past, I may have lashed out at the first person who made me made and let them have it. But I didn't.

I didn't even talk to people who had made me mad to tell them how I felt. I simply chose to be quiet. Quite out of the norm for me as well. I will  usually confront issues rather than wait.

In the midst of my reflection I realized how very much God did answer my prayer, just not in the way I had imagined.

He never left my side even though the feelings persisted.

I could take joy in noting how far I had grown in my spiritual walk this year because I am doing things He would be proud of. My small harvest of spiritual seeds of faith.

Confessing things I am afraid of saying.

Doing the right thing despite how I feel.

Praying first instead of as a last resort.

Controlling my tongue in anger.

Letting rumors lie.

In the end, it wouldn't have been the way I would have handled things. In fact during my last plea to God last night knowing I was facing a spiritual attack, I simply called out, "The Lord rebuke you." The voices of torment went away and I feel into a deep sleep.

This morning I can still feel the effects of yesterday as they tried to rage again but I was able to push it away. Today is a better day.

Today I got through the storm that sought to overcome me, and like I learned yesterday....

You can't stumble if you aren't walking or running in the race for God.

Yes....I'm doing something right. I'm definitely seeing my growth in God and it's a great thing. One that makes me smiling just thinking about it. I got a long way to go, but as long as I am walking, I am moving in the right direction.

Next time the enemy rages against you planting seeds of doubt in your mind, simply take Michael's advice, and say, "The Lord rebuke You and let God deal with him instead.