Did You Think I Fell Off the Face of the Earth?

I should have checked when it was the last time I posted before I decided to sit down and write this post. So many things have happened since we last chatted and blogging has always been a huge thing for me to do. (Update: I checked the last post from me was in the beginning of April 2018) Has it really been that long?

It is what allowed me to share my thoughts with the world, without knowing if anyone would read them. It enabled me to meet some incredible Christian men and women that I still maintain contact with through social media more. It has also allowed me a platform for first book reviewing and now supporting my small business.

I guess if I had to begin somewhere it would be that reviewing books is a chapter in my life that is truly more for relaxation instead of a passion and obligation to do each day. Most of the publishers have now gone the way of eBooks or electronic copies of books, to help reduce costs and while I can appreciate it, nothing beats holding a book in your hand. The smell of the pages, and just the weight in your hands. Also no batteries or charging is required. I don't even know if my Kindle is even charged anymore to be honest. I have set that one down as well.

So many changes with family now too. Steve's parents are still having all kinds of health issues. His mom is still dealing with AFib and keeping her heart in the right rhythm without racing too fast. I guess I never really understood the challenges with patients who have been diagnosed with aFib. She is also the main caretaker of the two and with her own health issues, it can become a lot to deal with. They are kinda local for us right now but are making plans to head back to Havasu to live in assisted living so they can be closer to their siblings and friends. Not sure when that will happen.

Our youngest daughter, Kailee got married in November of 2018 at a beautiful barn wedding, surrounded by family and friends and honeymooned in Jamaica! So we have added another family to our ever growing family tree. Our oldest daughter is going through a divorce after her husband decided that marriage and family was more than he initially wanted from life. So we have been working with helping her out in Modesto and enabling her to be more self sufficient living alone with adding a security system and alarms. This was prompted even more by an attempted home invasion break in which she was able to keep from happening due to quick thinking and a call to 911.

Needless to say, things have been more than interesting. Steve and I have entered our empty nest phase of life and while our kids are close enough to visit, this has been a welcome change of sorts. Steve travels quite a bit which has allowed me to work on expanding my growing business with Kat's Creations, a small business that sells wreaths, home decor and now offering online training and a monthly subscription group to learn how to make beautiful things for the home. I also teach people how to make wreaths in my Facebook LIVES every Friday night at 5pm PST if you're interested in talking to me, or learning how to make them.

I just wanted to let you all know that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth or been a recent celebrity death, but simply busy, but wanted to let you know I am trying to pick back up my writing so I can stay in touch with YOU, my dear blogging friends once more. Oh how I have missed you all! Hope you'll stop by and say Hi again!

Christmas Card Exchange Requested

It's Christmas time again! My favorite time of the year. I live for this each and every year that rolls around because it means for me, not only the Savior's birth which we celebrate, but it genuinely seems that most people are a little more kind than they usually are. More giving perhaps. More willing to be charitable and pass along a kindness or two.

Just the other day, my brother Mike and I talked about our Christmas growing up. Great memories even though we lived with my mom, who divorced was working two jobs just to make ends meet, so we didn't get a chance to see her that much. But we lived for the day we knew she wouldn't be home for a while so we could climb up to the rafters and get all the Christmas boxes down and begin decorating as a surprise for her.

We would use EVERYTHING we found in the bins. We added colored garland to each of the beams in our house and some sparkly snowflakes hung on fishing line or even left over glass bulbs that didn't find a home on the tree between the swags. It was never decorated the same twice. We would turn on Johnny Mathis' Christmas album and get to work. It took us all day working together, singing beloved Christmas carols. If we had time we would climb up on the roof and add our traditional Santa and two lighted reindeer along with the traditional glass bulbs. None of these icicle lights or LED's but the old stand by's you had to screw into the sockets. They were great cause when one burned out, you simply replaced that bulb.

It was such a joy to see the surprise on my mom's face when she got home and was immediately filled with the Christmas Spirit and a whole lot of love from her kids. I miss that. Traditions are important. They need to be passed along to our kids who may or may not pass them along to their own kids.

One of the traditions I see disappearing are Christmas cards. The old fashioned kind you wrote in. Not pre-printed ones, but ones you went to pick out and added your own Christmas wishes for whomever you were sending it to. Now a days, you get photo Christmas cards, with pre-printed messages on them or the Christmas letter telling you what someone's family accomplished all year. Those are great because things are so busy these days, but I miss Christmas cards. The old-fashioned kind that fill your mailbox with something other than bills or advertisements.

I love pulling out some of the one's I have kept over the years because they still mean something like Christmas decorations. They hold memories I want to hold on to. So today, I sit and write out Christmas cards because I want the person I am sending them to, to open them, smile and know that I cared enough to send them a bit of Christmas Spirit. Do you still send Christmas cards? This is one Christmas tradition, I hope never dies out.

If you want to join in a Christmas card exchange with me, I'd love to send you one if you'll send one back. Email me at Stevenkat27@gmail.com and lets exchange addresses and get them in the mail. Perhaps I share them on my blog but know this, they will all be treasured in my heart.

Gift of Love

It's been a true blessing to have time to spend with my family and even my extended in-law family who I refuse to acknowledge as in-laws. To me, they are my family as well.

I had the rare opportunity to spend Christmas with my Dad, Randy whom I hadn't spoken with for more than 17+ years. I have to say it's my fault because nothing kept us apart except our respective refusal to communicate with one another. On my end, I was afraid that the things my dad could say to me, to upset or hurt me, would always be there even though now that I am 50. That fear kept me from my Dad.

No more.

This was our first Christmas reunion, and despite the fact that all of my immediate family couldn't be there, it was enough for me to simply keep my promise and agree to spend it with my Dad.

I have watched, read and witnessed so many others watch their relationships with their own fathers slide into eternity, either through death, broken relationships or like me, simply neglect, I knew I didn't want it to continue. I had to make the first move.

And I am so glad I did.

God is the master of restoration. If you think for one moment there isn't anything He can't restore, I would challenge you to give Him a shot. You just might be surprised. Then again, you might be a whole lot like me, and fear that it might just work and you just might be happy for whatever amount of time the good Lord has given you both time to be together.

Watching my husband's father Bill, who seems to be a master at close calls, gave me much needed insight into the value of being with family.

All those childish arguments, hurtful words spoken in the heat of anger, runaway emotions that simply got the best of us, are the things keeping us apart. Time to lay those at the cross and allow God to handle the burden of carrying those things around.

In fact, the enemy would like nothing more than to keep you apart from your family. Especially apart from the family of God. Wouldn't you love nothing more than to wreck those plans?

I guess things really hit home for us when Steve's mom, Vera mentioned that she hoped this would not be her husband's last Christmas. It was important for all of us to simply be together. It's funny how some people will relinquish such control to others to keep them from experiencing the joy of being together with family and allow resentment to continue, rather than simply letting go and moving forward to the happiness and love that family can provide.

Nothing made Vera and Bill more happier this year than to see the entire Smith family together at Christmas. Nothing in my heart could ever remember a more fitting moment than watching it all come together like a Hallmark movie and being a part of it, not merely observing it. The memories created in those priceless family photographs is worth more than any amount of money we could ever hope to see.

In fact, the same could be said of my family Christmas. I loved more than gifts or cards, the memories I gained simply by watching my own children interact with their grandparents. Sharing intimate conversations they will carry with them forever. There is such wisdom and connection when families come together over dinner and I personally can't wait to spend time with them again, especially when we have no excuse why we can't get together because we all live within 5 hours of one another.

As for the gift I was super surprised to get from my Dad, well here it is.

That's right, my Dad who is super amazing got me a Turkey Fryer so next year, the hassle of trying to get the turkey done in time for dinner will NOT prove to be an challenge and will free up more oven space for other things. I especially can't wait to try a seafood clambake in this baby either. I'll make sure to send you pictures when we do!

Weak Spots

Being a first time home buyer, my husband and I were super excited to jump in and begin working to make our home truly ours. Since it wasn't a brand new home, there were some things that needed improvements and some things we wanted to see incorporated into our home that were important to us. Both my husband and I are very outdoorsy people and we truly looked forward to spending time outside working on our landscaping both in the front and back yards of our home. We wanted trees our kids could lay underneath on hot days to escape the heat and perhaps ponder the wonders of the universe by looking up at the sky from beneath the leaves of a tall tree. We wanted our home to have "curb appeal" and to offer an invitation to make visitors and even strangers feel welcome. We wanted to add fragrant flowers to entice birds and butterflies to stop by on their way to another place as a haven of rest for the weary.

We wanted the sound of water to be a significant feature in our backyard, a place to simply find a getaway just outside out sliding glass doors, an oasis, a garden of eden perhaps in the making. We knew the vision we wanted and it would take time to make it happen, in fact it took well over 10 years and we both think it wasn't complete, of course lack of finances and manual labor will do that to you, but we both knew what we wanted.

Marriage is a lot like home improvement. It takes time and effort to make is successful and it's a work that will never be complete because like our home, it is always changing. New products come out on the market that we never considered before to incorporate into our home but that would make welcome additions.

In fact just laying in bed this morning, I believe God gave me such an insight into what goes wrong in marriages and results in either affairs or divorce. I call them weak spots. Those are the areas that we all have where we simply wish that things were better. For me, I often tell my husband I wish he were more romantic, the kind of characters I often read about in my romance novels, the ones that possess a certainness about their future, they know what needs to be done, they are strong leaders and never fear when things go wrong, they always have a plan and that is to protect and care for their loved ones. Now don't get me wrong, my husband does all that, but on occasion I wish that he would plan something unpredictable that shows me just how valuable I am in his life, a romantic getaway that shows planning, and is geared to the things he knows I love. For him, he needs that physical confirmation to let him know he is loved, either though a hug or lots of physical touch, cuddling on the couch while watching a movie together or just knowing at any point of his day, that I think the world of him.

When we avoid dealing with those potential "weak spots" it opens our marriages up for the enemy to use those to gain entry into our lives and marriages. He finds people he can utilize to satisfy those needs in the way we can only dream about. Rather than realize those weak spots as what they are, we will often times, willingly sacrifice our marriages for that one thing that is missing in our marriages instead of simply having that need met by our spouse.

No one would neglect a leaky roof to work on the other areas of the house while each storm continued to wear away at the roof, ceiling and destroy the house beneath it, thinking it's simply something we don't want to work on right now. I'd rather have a new bathroom than deal with a leaky roof.

Yet that's just what is happening to our marriages. We all have those "weak spots" if we are honest and willing to admit the truth. Those can also change throughout our years together. If we don't fix our "leaky roof" now, we only have ourselves to blame when the roof caves in. That's why it is so important to work effectively as a team to strengthen our marriages and eliminate those weak spots. For me, it means putting 100% commitment into making sure my husband's weak spot is met by me and not by someone else who can easily turn his head. The same hold true for him, he needs to commit to fixing my weak spot, even if he thinks it's foolish or dumb. Both of these areas are important to us in different ways and if we value our marriage and our spouse, we will want to make those areas stronger and not weaker.

I often wonder just how many affairs could have been prevented if we simply addressed those needs first instead of blaming our spouse for their faults. It's take two to make a marriage dissolve. One to walk away and the other to do nothing to fix it. Aren't our marriages and our spouse worth the effort? Can we agree to work together much like a home improvement project to see that things are fixed now before it's too late?

If you found this message insightful, I would encourage you to thank God for this insight. He provided it this morning and for us, we are working on daily projects to improve our marriage. It's the small things that matter today, and over time, we'll soon see that the efforts we make now will only benefit us later and will make our marriages stronger and ones that outlast all the others.

The Cookie

It's hard to believe we saw him again after thinking we never would.

See it's been about 5 months, since we had our run in with Chester, not his real name of course, because you just never know who is reading blogs anymore, so let's just go with Chester for now.

We first met Chester on a brisk, grey morning in March this year. We were headed to pick my oldest daughter, Caitlyn, up from school and had arrived a little bit early. So we decided to park the car and just wait outside.

I picked up my phone and left her a message just in case we missed each other when school let out and the kids begin to pile into the parking lot. Sometimes you can get lost in a crowd of students because once school is out, it will be the fastest you ever see students move in your life.

So content that she had a message waiting from us, plus that missed call message, we knew somehow, some way we wouldn't miss each other.

So my youngest sits next to me in the front seat with her Nintendo DS propped up in her hands battling whatever unforeseen enemy needs to be defeated and saving the earth in the process, at least its what is sounds like to me.

I lean my head back on the head rest behind me, and put my sunglasses on so I can keep an eye on students walking by without them knowing I am looking at them and occasionally closing my eyes off and on.

That's when Chester showed up.

Kailee, my youngest daughter, looks up and points at him and tells me she doesn't think he belongs here.

If you could see what Chester was wearing, and what he looked like, he obviously didn't fit in.

He wasn't a student that would be attending this school. He looked much too old for that. It look like either time or the elements had taken a toll on him.

He looked at us as he passed by, and sat on the small concrete stone wall just outside the school.

Perhaps he was here to pick someone up or perhaps he was just waiting for a ride home.

He kept looking around rather nervously like he had done something criminal or was going to be in trouble if someone saw him here.

So there Kailee and I sat, just looking at Chester sitting on the stone wall just off to the left of my car. He stayed there for about 10 minutes and when the bell buzzed that signaled the end of another academic day, he ran off.

We tried to look back and find him but he managed to disappear behind some cars and we didn't see where he went.

We had gone back a few times before school ended and when I asked my daughter, Caitlyn about Chester, she didn't seem to know what I was talking about.

I guess that meant Chester didn't go to school or wasn't a parent of one of the students.

The odd thing was, the poor thing looked hungry and hadn't had a bite to eat in quite some time by the looks of him. We would have offered him something to eat, but he didn't look like he would trust anyone anyway.

You can imagine our surprise when Steve, Kailee and I went to pick Caitlyn up from school the night of her dance just yesterday. The dance had let out at 5pm, since it took place during the summer for her school club.

We had mentioned to Steve while we waited outside the school for Caitlyn about the odd run in with Chester earlier in the year and wondered if we would ever see him again.

Steve noticed Chester first. The minute Kailee and I saw him, we instantly recognized him. He hadn't changed much since we saw him last time. Same old appearance and he still seemed anxious and frightful at the same time.

This time, we had just finished shopping at Target and at least had some bags of cookies and snacks with us. So I took it upon myself to try and offer some food to Chester. Kailee even suggested that since he may be afraid of another bigger person trying to talk to him, perhaps she should try.

So I waited for Chester to stop and this time he sat beneath the trees instead of the stone wall. I couldn't have blamed him since it was unbearably hot that day. Poor thing, I bet he must at least be thirsty.

I walked to the back of the car and opened the trunk and reached in for a box of cookies I had just bought. I pretended I didn't see Chester but out of the corner of my eye, I could tell he was watching me. I couldn't fool him.

But he didn't leave. He just waited. Kailee went and sat on the wall and began to talk to him as I walked over to him. He didn't say anything. He just kept watching us. Perhaps the years had taught him to be wary of strangers or perhaps like most people, he was treated harshly by someone in his past.

You could just tell that by looking at him that we needed to gain his trust. We kept talking to him and asked him if he might be hungry.

He just gave us that blank stare where you can tell deep inside someone's mind that they are wondering whether to trust you or simply run away. At least he wasn't leaving. So we passed a few cookies to him.

We just laid them down and waited. We waited to see if we could be the people he begins to trust again. At that moment Caitlyn walked up and we had to motion to her to be quiet, because we were trying to help Chester. We didn't want him to be afraid. If the only thing we did that day was offer food to someone that was hungry, perhaps it would make a difference and he wouldn't be so afraid anymore.

Soon, Chester got up and walked over to where we laid the cookies and picked one up. He kept looking at us the whole time like he thought it was some kind of joke. We told him that if he wanted more, he could have the whole box. We just wanted to be his friends and at least give him something to eat if he was hungry.

He ate them all, and when he was eating the last one, a bunch of kids came running out of the school and Chester took off. Perhaps he thought he was going to be picked on or perhaps these were the kids that had made him distrust people.

Whatever the reason, Steve magically caught our encounter with Chester on film just in case something were to happen to him later.

As we left the parking lot, we realized that Chester had a home and we would be seeing him again real soon. I thought I would share that special moment when Chester was eating our cookies. Looking at it even now, brings a smile to my face and makes me realize that we can make a difference just by trying. Even little things make a difference in the life of someone when you show them you care.

What do you think?

Today, Make A Difference

I am sharing a story I got via my email from Max Lucado. If you know me really well, then you will understand just why I love his writing so well. It's as if he really speaks to you as a friend and right to your heart. So enjoy this and I hope it will inspire you today.

Today I Will Make a Difference

Today I will make a difference. I will begin by controlling my thoughts. A person is the product of his thoughts. I want to be happy and hopeful. Therefore, I will have thoughts that are happy and hopeful. I refuse to be victimized by my circumstances. I will not let petty inconveniences such as stoplights, long lines, and traffic jams be my masters. I will avoid negativism and gossip. Optimism will be my companion, and victory will be my hallmark. Today I will make a difference.

I will be grateful for the twenty-four hours that are before me. Time is a precious commodity. I refuse to allow what little time I have to be contaminated by self-pity, anxiety, or boredom. I will face this day with the joy of a child and the courage of a giant. I will drink each minute as though it is my last. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. While it is here, I will use it for loving and giving. Today I will make a difference.

I will not let past failures haunt me. Even though my life is scarred with mistakes, I refuse to rummage through my trash heap of failures. I will admit them. I will correct them. I will press on. Victoriously. No failure is fatal. It’s OK to stumble… . I will get up. It’s OK to fail… . I will rise again. Today I will make a difference.

I will spend time with those I love. My spouse, my children, my family. A man can own the world but be poor for the lack of love. A man can own nothing and yet be wealthy in relationships. Today I will spend at least five minutes with the significant people in my world. Five quality minutes of talking or hugging or thanking or listening. Five undiluted minutes with my mate, children, and friends.

Today I will make a difference.

Preparations for Thanksgiving

Knowing that Thanksgiving is just literally around the corner, I am interested to know just what plans everyone has.

Do you stay home or travel to grandmothers house, over the river and through the woods?

Do you invite family and friends or just keep it close and personal?

Do you volunteer at local food kitchens or perhaps have to work?

Do you have any traditions that you keep every year or have new ones you're going to incorporate?

What do you usually serve?

For us, since family is pretty spread out, we just have our immediate family meaning Steve, and I along with our kids. Sometimes we even include friends of the kids or ours that don't have anywhere to go, that makes it extra special.

We usually watch the Thanksgiving day parade while making preparations early that morning getting the turkey in the oven, which Steve does because it comes out flawless and so juicy. Then we make appetizers to munch on throughout the day like bruschetta and bread along with some olive tapinade, shrimp cocktail and even chips and salsa before the big dinner later on.

We will watch Miracle on 34th Street the color and new version because it's such a classic and it too takes place on Thanksgiving into the Christmas season and gets us in the mood. We don't begin decorating our house until the next day. We are not Black Friday shoppers because Steve and I don't care for crowds and getting up early.

Our menu consists of turkey, mashed potatoes with gravy, homemade biscuits, spicy green beans with onions and bacon, stuffing, cranberry sauce, deviled eggs and of course, pumpkin and apple pie for desert. We serve Martinelli's sparkling apple cider in champagne glasses and of course decorate our table so it looks inviting and festive.

We are hoping for cooler temps to make it feel like fall after these last few days of near 80's. Praying for rainy weather and perhaps snow????

Looking forward to hearing all your wonderful details!!

The Meaning of Family

I just finished watching the movie, "The Blind Side" which was nominated for movie of the year and didn't win. I think the movie industry made a huge mistake because they are missing the bigger picture.

It's about the story behind the story. The story of what family really means. In this movie, Sandra Bullock plays Leigh Anne Tuohy who finds a boy without a home attending the very same school as her kids. So she does what any mother would and offers him a place to stay for the night. Well you can read between the lines to know it doesn't stop with one night and eventually he becomes part of the family. The most significant line from the movie is when her girlfriends while having lunch together comments that "she is changing his life" to which she replies, "No he's changing mine!"

Many people may not understand that the word family does not just mean those that are born to you, they may be kids you foster or kids you adopt or even friends you take in that are homeless and have no where else to go. Family simply means one thing and that is love.

In God's eyes, it's our duty as His creations to care for one another and to love one another, not just til our kids turn 18, not if they deserve it one day or not, but for as long as we live and breathe. We love until we have breathed our last breath!

Jesus replied, "You do not realized now what I am doing but later you will understand." John 13:7

This scripture spoke such love to me today and personally felt God's voice upon my soul when I came across it tonight. God gave us the example of the perfect family when He became our Father and gave us His only son!

His love is so unconditional we can barely scratch the surface just to feel it, but you know what? When you catch just a glimpse and just breeze past it, its so magnifying you don't ever want it to end.

Now imagine just for one moment, to experience being immersed in that kind of love for a full 24 hours. What would you feel like? Loved beyond loving so much that it's beyond overflowing and you just want to branch out and share it as quickly as possible.

It's like having such an incredible experience at something you can't wait to share it with the very next person you see no matter who they are. It's that contagious!

Now, are you holding on???

Imagine feeling that everyday for the rest of your life for all eternity????

Did I just hear you scream??

I bet you did, because you know what? Being a member of God's family is going to be just like that! One incredible moment after another unlike anything you could ever imagine here in this life.

God's family.... I think we need to make sure it's a big as it can possibly be. We all need to be doing our part to make sure we take as many people with us, because we don't want to keep this for ourselves. This type of love is really meant to be shared, passed along and savored.

Let's make a difference in someone's life today and make sure to include them into our family! Oh and by the one...if you haven't seen the movie, you really need to. A personal favorite and one to add to your permanent libraries!

Blog Award of the Week ~ Mich

Here it is another ending to a beautiful weekend. Did I mention Steve is home? He came home on Friday for all those that have been praying for us. What a difference his presence makes in our home. Yeah, Praise God for amazing husbands.

I wanted to highlight another amazing blogger who has blessed me both in the blogging world and in personal emails back and forth. I am hoping to encourage those of you that aren't following her to please do so after reading more about her. Her name is Mich, pronounced just like it sounds and her blog is named after her. Makes it easy. She is the wife of a pastor, mom and great friend to so many in the blogging world. The thing I love about Mich is her honesty when things in her life are not going so smoothly. She shows us that we all stumble and fall, but we also pick ourselves right back up again and keep on going.

I hope you find the same things in her blog that drew me to become part of her family and that you join her today as well. Here is some things you may not know about her.

1. Tell us how long you've been blogging and why?

I started blogging about a year now. My sister had started a blog and decided I needed one too. She thought it would be a great way for our family to keep up with each other. Neither one of us realized how much it would change our lives. We have met some fantastic new friends, all of which provide unlimited support and encouragement, as well as lots of laughs.

I also have found blogging to be a "healing" process for me. It gave me a "voice." As a minister's child and now as a minister's wife, I have always felt the limitations of what I could say, but I have always been able to write what I feel. The blog gives me an outlet to voice my feelings, celebrate my joys, vent my frustrations and keep things REAL in my life. I am amazed everyday that people actually follow my blog and read my posts.


2. What did you always dream being when you grew up and why?

I have always loved to be creative. I fell in love with art when I was in high school and was actually in the art club. My friends were all in drama, but I have horrible stage fright, so I joined the Art Club. My dad is a pretty awesome artist, so I was always encouraged to draw and create. My favorite project in school was making the car for our high school production of Grease. Great fun!

However, when I left for college, I had a reality check. I realized after a few art classes, that I wasn't as good as I thought I was and changed my major. However, still today, I love art and to be creative. I scrapbook, help my kids with school projects and come up with super fun craft projects for my kindergarten Sunday School class at church. Just the other day, my daughter told me I should have been an elementary art teacher, for I was having way too much fun decorating my door at work, for Halloween. I had made spiders out of my babies' hands which were too precious.


3. When did you become a Christian? How did your life change?

I was at church camp, as a child, when I asked Jesus into my heart for the first time. I believe it was real, but unfortunately sometimes very young children are not discipled like they need to be. I was left with a lot of questions and doubt, afraid to ask because I was the minister's daughter/missionary kid, who was expected to just know...

Anyway, when I was in college, I rededicated my life and surrendered my life to God's calling. I never desired a life in ministry, outside volunteering at church, but God changed my heart. I met a great guy, with a passion for Jesus and young people. I strive now to daily follow the Lord's will for my life. I am so thankful for His GRACE.

4. Describe the most memorable Valentine you ever received and who sent it to you?

I think it would have to be the first Valentine's Day, with my husband. We were just dating, but he sent me a teddy bear and balloons. I remember being giddy over having a guy who actually loved me, just the way I was. Since that day, for years, my hubby would give me a bear as a gift. It is kind of sappy, but when you are young and in love, you love it.(Still do.) What is funny, is that when we were first married, back when the "country" look was big, my kitchen had a country blue and teddy bear theme. I even had bear canisters. What was I thinking?! I'm laughing as I type this, although I have to admit, there is a small part of me that is sad that the teddy bears have been replaced.


5. Describe your grandparents. What did you enjoy most about them?

I am one of those lucky girls who was blessed with wonderful grandparents and many of them. My Dad's parents were divorced and remarried when he was young, so growing up, I had a step grandpa and two uncles, who may not have been blood related, but were mine nevertheless. I use to boast about having three set of grandparents, when I was a kid.

My mom grew up in the country, so there were plenty of great memories, running around the farm with the cousins. Hanging laundry on the line, mud pies, climbing peach trees, horses, being chased by turkeys, fresh honey from the hive...all great memories of farm life. My Granny was the treasure hunter of the family and taught me how to shop the flea markets and garage sales. My Grandpa could fix the best gravy...

My dad grew up in town, and his mom was the lady who liked to shop, go places and was not afraid of a little adventure. She made sure I was spoiled and never bored. She was the one that taught me how to drive when my parents didn't have the patience and she also talked my dad into letting me go on my first date, since it was two weeks before my sixteenth birthday.

Unfortunately, all of my grandparents have passed on. But I have a peace in knowing that they all knew the Lord, as well as having the blessing of some great memories of time spent with them.


6. What did you enjoy doing most as a child? Did you prefer doing it alone or with someone else?

This was a hard question for me. Simply because, while I was a child, I didn't think I really enjoyed that time in my life, but now as an adult, looking back, I'm thankful for it. I was on the mission field for a while. I remember the fear, the homesickness, the loneliness and everything else that went with it, yet looking back I am so thankful of the adventure I was blessed with. I was able to see wonderful things, be a part of some incredible experiences and live an adventure, that many kids dream of. My daughter has a passion for Asia and would love to visit. My son saw an old picture of me the other day and was jealous because I was on an elephant. So traveling around with my family would be at the top of my list for sure.

However, as for my hobbies as a child, I would have to say reading, writing and drawing. I have always loved to read. Books would let my imagination soar and I loved it. My dad often teases me, because while we were on the mission field, if I was bored and had read all my books more than once, I would grab the encyclopedias and read about places I wanted to go and royal families around the world, making up my own stories. I was a dreamer.


7. What two people have made the greatest spiritual impact on your life? What made them so significant to you?

I would have to say my parents. I have had two living examples, my whole life, of what it means to give up everything and follow Christ. Their lives have always been woven in ministry of some kind.

They also taught me at a very young age what true strength and great faith really is. I had a brother who died suddenly when I was five. He was only one and had developed bacterial meningitis's. Thirty four years ago there was little hope for that kind of thing. My mom and dad could have carried a lot of anger through the years over his medical care and God's timing, but they didn't. My dad even preached his funeral. My mom used her situation to help others. I learned at a very young age what it meant to rely totally on the Lord and to do things that one can only do with a strength that comes from God.

My parents are retired now, but are still serving. They are awesome examples and I am so thankful that my children have special relationships with each of them too.


8. What childhood memory comes to mind when you think of winter? What made it so special?

I don't have many "winter" memories, due to my travels as a child overseas, but the few I have stand out in my mind because of that. When I was real young, around second grade, I remember my dad getting out and building snowmen with me and the other kids on the street. But, my dad, being the creative man he is, wouldn't build just any snowman. He would build cartoon characters. I have a picture of my friends and I standing in front of Snoopy dressed as a cowboy. He would also get food coloring and color the characters. I remember being so proud at how "cool" he was,as I stood in front of this giant Snoopy wearing "blue" jeans.

9. Tell me 4 things that you would never leave behind on a trip and explain why?

I thought this would be an easy question and then realized I think I need more than four things, but I will try...

My contacts. I am blind and can't see without them, plus I HATE the feel of my glasses sitting on my nose. One of my greatest fears, is being blind. The Lord will have to help me when I have to give the contacts up one day.

My blow dryer. I have the kind of hair that DOES NOT air dry pretty. On the naturally curly side, it doesn't have enough curl to lay right, without help. I wear it straight these days and can only achieve that with a hairdryer first and then a touch up with the flatiron. Not pretty first thing in the morning.I try hard not to scare little children.

My pillow. Whether going to camp, my parent's house or on vacation, the pillow goes with me.

My Bible. My parents gave it to me in 1992. It is my favorite. I have notes written in the margins, verses underlined and pages marked. I had misplaced it in the house the other day and cried. I was so scared I had left it somewhere. It is one of my prize possessions.

10. What family customs or traditions would you like to pass on to your children and grandchildren. Why are they important to you?

We don't really have true traditions or customs. Never living in one spot for too long growing up, you learn to go with the flow sometimes. However, family is very important to us. We never take it for granted. That would be what I pass down to my kids. Many vacation opportunities were given up, in order to visit grandparents. Lots of miles would be driven to see family. Since my time with my grandparents and my hubby's grandparents is over, I cherish the time spent with our parents and think the time our kids spend with them is so very precious. Holidays are special. We always celebrate. We may not always get together on the actual holiday, but we always get together. I hear of people that are not close to their families and I want to cry for them. My family is my support system. We are all very close. My hubby comes from a very close family too.

Thanks for thinking I am interesting enough for an interview. I am still in awe over the friendships God has graced me with via the internet. Hope I gave you the type of answers you were looking for. If you feel I need to change anything or you would like to ask a different question just let me know.

Thanks for joining me in this beautiful intimate look at Mich and what makes her so wonderful and blessed. Won’t you join me and hope on over to her blog Mich and let her know what you thought of her interview. You will find such friendship and love there!

Gone In A Flash

This story arrived in my email this morning and it moved me to tears I knew I just had to share this with all of you amazing bloggers. Enjoy!

GONE IN A FLASH
Michael Smith

The sun dropped below the horizon. The sky turned dark. The first stars of the night began to shine.

It was the peak night for the Perseids meteor shower. We gathered our grandchildren in the backyard. Some sat in chairs and others stretched out on blankets. No street lights were nearby to hinder our view.

"There's one!" Seth, the oldest yelled.

"I missed it!" I whined.

"There's another one!" Josh yelled.

"I saw it!" Ginny and I said together as a streak of dust burned across the sky and faded into nothing. The youngest, Benny, sat in a chair beside me.

"Are you watching, Ben?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Did you see that last one?"

"No!" He sighed. "I missed it."

"Then you weren't watching, were you?"

We cheered and pointed each time a meteor lit the night sky.

"Poppa Mike?" Benny asked.

"Yes, Ben?"

"Clara is the loneliest train, you know?"

I had no idea what Benny was talking about or where the thought came from, so I just played along. "Is that so?" I asked.

"Uh huh?"

"Why is she lonely?"

"She has a boyfriend you know." He paused.

"But she's still lonely?"

"Yeah."

Another meteor made a white slash in the night sky. "Wow! Did you see it, Ben?"

"No, I missed it again."

A few weeks later, a lightning storm slowly crawled across the western sky. We watched the bolts of lightning streak diagonally from north-to-south. It was a spectacular display of nature, one we safely watched from a distance.

"Wow! Did you see that one boys?" I asked my grandsons.

"No! We missed it again."

"Guys, you have to focus, these things happen fast. If you don't focus, you'll miss them."

Later that night, after the boys went to bed, I sat out on the deck while Ginny, her daughter, Heather, and her son-in-law, Nathan, watched a show on TV. They laughed each time I screamed, "WOW! That was a good one."

Alone with my thoughts and the lightning, I remembered the meteor shower. The lightning was the same. The flashes of light were gone in the blink of an eye. I asked myself, "Mike, how many of life's meteors and lightning bolts have you missed because you weren't paying attention?"

I had no answer to the question, for if I knew, then I wouldn't have missed them. How many times have I come home from work too wrapped in my own thoughts and missed those "daddy's home" smiles of my children? Those little smiles are lost forever, as I walked right by them.

How many opportunities did I miss to praise my wife or my children? How many chances to say, "I love you" to my wife did I miss?

I made a pledge that night to pay more attention to those around me. When I arrive home from work, work stays at work and my attention is on my family, because those opportunities -- those
streaks of light -- don't last long.

They're gone in a flash.

Give Me Five!

I found an interesting post when I stopped by Mari's blog, My Little Corner of the World and she was doing a post based on five words she was given. She invited us to play along if we wanted and you know me, the avid gamer, I asked her to send me my 5 words. If you too are interested, leave me a comment and your email address and I too will send you 5 random words.

1. Music. I have it on most of the time throughout my day to 88.5 which plays Christian contemporary music and occasional devotions. It helps keep God going throughout the day and keeps Him ever close to my mind. Sometimes it can completely change your day for the better as well. Some of my favorites are The Motions by Matthew West, Otherside by Mikeschair, anything by Jeremy Camp, Third Day, Never Going Back to OK by The Afters, and my all time favorite the Fray!

2. Family. This is the most important thing in my life next to my relationship to God. I've been married twice, and on the second try God bestowed His greatest blessing on me, with my best friend, soul mate, and husband, Steven. I had a daughter from my first marriage and it was the very best thing to come out of the fire. She is 16, a Junior in High School and very active in church with her faith. Her name is Caitlyn and she even has a blog if you want to stop by and check it out. It's called Teen Life. Steve and I were blessed by God to have a daughter of our own, and she is our strong willed and determined 10 year old Kailee. She never ceases to amaze me with her natural ability to pick up on anything technical. We share our 2 story home in the high desert of Southern California with three cats, Moo, Tosh and Bella.

3. Faith. It is the greatest gift God has blessed all of us with. Without it we wouldn't have hope in the things we can't see but believe in anyway. Many times we think that we must see it to believe it, but God says you have to believe it, and then you'll see it. Thankfully I know that no matter what happens to my family in this life, I know without a doubt it doesn't end there for us. I will be reunited with them once again in my eternal home in Heaven.

4. School. I have to admit I was your A typical nerd in school, the book worm and the geek all rolled up into one. For years I was the pride and joy of my parents. Then when I entered highschool things changed, people looked to me for the quick answers to last minute homework or quizzes. I hated it. I hated that people only needed me for their lack of discipline.

When I received my CAT test scores that year, they were off the chart and the school asked for a meeting with my mom. They explained, I would be bored during the next 3 years of my school and there was nothing further to teach me that I didn't already know. They asked my mom to provide me with the GED test so I could graduate early and move on to college. My mom said no. She wanted me to finish.

I felt betrayed by her and so I controlled the only thing I could and began to fail all my classes. I was sent to continuation school and before the Board of Directors but I was bound and determined to prove them all wrong. My mom in her frustration, gave me an ultimatum which was work or finish school. I chose to work. It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I took my GED and rated 98% in most of my subjects nationwide. Sometimes you just need parents to trust you.

5. Thankful. I am thankful for so many things in my life. I am thankful for my salvation in Jesus Christ so I know my life doesn't end here and He continues to work in my life at all times, even when I don't think He is. He has walked and carried me through the darkest valleys of my life and saved my mortal life on more than one occasion. I am thankful He has provided me with an amazing family, a home to live in and the finances to get us through each day. I just need to remember to give thanks to Him even when things are going badly.

Once again, if you want to participate, leave me a comment and your email and I will randomly select 5 words for you. What a great way to learn just a little bit more about each other and have fun sharing our lives with you.

The Man Hole Cover - Chapter 5

Well it's Monday again and time for all of you to become my editors, critics, and book reviewers. I am now up to Chapter 5 in my book, "The Gallery" which is where this story begins for those of you just jumping in. I would love your blunt honesty and nothing you say will hurt my feelings. I need the honest criticism. So let them rip. Blogger is having issues allowing me to post a picture which is why there is one missing for this title. I hope I can get it to post later. I hope you enjoy this!

The Man Hole

They are there every day. Right smack dab in the middle of the street. You wouldn’t even notice them unless you were looking for them and I have one right in the middle of my street. Not more than 500 feet from my front door. The only way I noticed it was there, was during a picture scavenger hunt I gave my daughter and her friend more than 2 months ago. One of the items was to take a picture of a man hole cover. They found it. Yet there it remains. A cover to whatever world lies beneath it.

Oh sure I have watched my fair share of discovery shows on TV to know that just below the man hole cover is a pipe that lead to some sewer line buried beneath our street. It’s where all the stuff from our home drains away so we don’t have to know where it goes once toilets are flushed or showers are turned off. It just all disappears down the drain. No need to know from there. Just gone.

Yet it puzzled me in a creative way one day to wonder what possibilities could lead to what lies underneath the man hole cover if we didn’t have someone to point the way. The imagination is a very powerful thing. So I stare at the man hole cover while watering the lawn today. I don’t have time to wonder today. I have too many things on my plate today. I will think about it later.

After I roll up the hose, my cell phone is already vibrating and ringing away in my pocket. I put it there because I need to make sure I don’t miss a call. My job requires that I am pretty much on call whenever they need to reach me, especially in this economy. I have to do twice the work as every one else. We just can’t hire more help right now. The company is already teetering on whether or not to close our local office, so for me, I am just happy to be working right now.

I look down at the phone and sure enough caller ID reveals it’s my boss. I roll my eyes before pressing the send button and prepare myself for whatever dilemma or crisis will reveal itself to me in an instant. I hesitate momentarily but press the button anyway. Can’t avoid it, he will only call back.

“Hello? Hey Jake, what’s going on?” I asked trying to sound wide-awake.

“We’ve got a really big issue going on at the mall project you’ve been working on. Our contractor never showed up and the client is pretty upset.” Jake yelled. “We need you to get out there right away and make sure there is some presence on site so that the client knows we will handle the materials delivery that is already in route. There isn’t anyone else on site that can receive it in, and make sure nothing is missing. How soon can you be there?”

Without thinking, I answer, “Give me an hour and I will take care of it.”

“Great! I knew I could count on you. Call me when you get there.” Said Jake before hanging up.

“Sure, no problem.” I say as close the phone and put it back in my pocket.

Now reality sets in. Once again I stopped to think about my recent decision. I can’t even believe where the words came from. I said I would be there. I would be on my way. How was I going to be able to leave?

Since it was still relatively early, I made my way into the house quietly to see if anyone was awake yet. The coffeepot still sat sleeping in its holder, unaware of my presence. No automatic light signaling the brewing process was in the works or even on a delay setting. The house was silent.

Every one was still asleep. So I quietly slipped into the shower while leaving all the lights off in the house. I was in and out before the water had time to warm my feet still cold from watering the lawn. I grabbed my clothes that were lying on the floor from where I left them, and headed downstairs to get dressed.

I slipped into the bathroom downstairs and quietly turned the handle before turning on the light. I got dressed and brushed my hair. I had very little time for anything else.

Normally on mornings like this I would make some coffee and set the timer to go off before she would get up. The smell of morning coffee brewing was like heaven in the morning. One thing less that she would need to do before any of the kids put demands on her. If she could just get through one cup uninterrupted, it would be a great day. I simply didn’t have time today. I checked the time on the coffeepot and I had already been here 25 minutes. I knew the commute might take me a bit longer since everyone else would be sharing the road with me. I could cover for that if I needed to and I could push the speed limit a bit on my way in as well. Should be able to make it.

Thank goodness I had gotten up early this morning. I had a sense that I would have to go in today. I worked non-stop for the last four weeks and today should be the final day of the project. Today should hopefully be the last day to head in to the mall for another long day. After today, things would be different.

I had already packed up the car with my laptop and tool this morning. I figured it would be the last thing my wife would want to see staring at her or the kids today. It’s been up and on when I am not gone. Just in case I get something urgent from work that needs my attention. It’s part of the job I tell myself. So I wanted to make sure it wasn’t sitting there again this morning. I figure I would put it away. I put everything away this morning that reminded me of my job. My organizer, my computer, tools, my GPS, my cell phones. I have more than one. I have one for my family and one for my job. This way my family can always call and I don’t have to worry about explaining calls to my boss on my company phone.

So we got the family plan that allows us to have unlimited minutes between us all. It helped months ago when I was gone. I was required to be out of town for a “special project” that needed my immediate attention. Plus I really needed the money. In this market, both your working and getting paid, or you go hungry for weeks. Since we were getting back on our feet again, I didn’t want to risk another possibility of now work if I declined this offer, so I said yes, no problem.

Again I said those same words to my boss. My wife’s brother. I mean could I really say No? You would think he would understand all the previous weeks of being out of town for months at a time. Being flown out last minute with less than a days notice to Florida or Indiana, Oregon or Washington. Always having a start day but never knowing just how long I may be gone.

The answer I usually got? “Whenever you finish what needs to be done. We’ll fly you home.”

I barely missed being gone for Christmas but thankfully I had a court date from a creditor on December 17th that required my presence. It couldn’t be postponed again. I already did that once before since I was out of town the month before. It was a convenient excuse so I let it stand. I would rather attend court than to deal with telling my family; I wouldn’t be home for Christmas.

Doing that over Thanksgiving had already produced the first big fight of many I would have with my wife. At first I thought she would understand. We were almost four months behind on our house payments when her brother as a way to bail us out first offered me this job. I was told the work was always busy and the money was great. What he failed to tell me was the price I would pay to take this job. The price my family would be faced dealing with not having me around. I was told that most of the travel was only for a couple of weeks and the likelihood of some work being available in my state would come before the first of the new year.

We talked and agreed that we couldn’t risk the loss of our home right now with the holiday facing us in a few months, so I took it. I left the very next day to Oregon. Two weeks later. I was headed home. I was home for a few days, then I was told I had to go back. There was more work that needed to get done and still there was no work here locally. I left again after the weekend was over first thing Monday morning.

That time, I was gone for three and a half weeks. I dealt with all the crying of my youngest saying she missed me and wanted to know when I was coming home. It sucked not being able to give her an answer other than, whenever daddy finishes everything up.

I dealt with all the late night calls listening to my wife deal with going to sleep without me yet again. I couldn’t even give her the answer she wanted and needed to hear. I simply didn’t know. I was working to try and get things done as soon as I could.

I got to stay home for a week after that. It should sound great however, when I don’t work, I don’t get paid. So while staying at home with my family was nice and having my littlest one glued to my side as much as should could, I knew I couldn’t stay. I had to get back to work.

This time, I was gone for 5 weeks to Florida. At least it was supposed to be Florida. I was hoping I would be staying here because it was working on a hotel. When we worked at a hotel, all our expenses would be paid for. If we didn’t we had to pay for it ourselves and the company would reimburse us when we returned at $85.00 per day. If we went over that, it was on us. I don’t know about you but you can’t really expect people to live in a hotel away from home, and eat all day for $85.00. Yet that is what I did. I had to. Even then, I was taking that same $85.00 out of my bank account until I could get home, fill out all the expense report forms and submit it before the next pay period. After that, I would cross my fingers and wait. Hoping that I would see that reimbursements appear on my paycheck.

Sometimes they didn’t. There were errors in payroll I was told. They didn’t get my paperwork. They didn’t have a signature on the forms by my manager. He failed to submit the paperwork in time. I didn’t have the original receipts.

So I would have to wait for another two weeks. In the meantime, that money was already spent so I had to take another out of town job. I had to since there wasn’t any work at home in my state. So when the job to Florida showed up it gave me hope. I didn’t have much money to travel on so staying at the hotel and working gave me an out I needed.

It didn’t last. I was needed in Indiana. The very same day I was flown out. This wasn’t a hotel job. Worse yet, Thanksgiving was a week away. This was a high profile job with a major communication's carrier. I was told if we could do this job and make it look good, it would bring our company more revenue and get me back home sooner.

More nights of lonely calls to a house that was slowly losing hope. My youngest daughter was lashing out in anger at both home and school. She wasn’t sleeping and waking up to nightmares. My wife wasn’t sleeping since for 13 years, we’ve never been apart. Suddenly she was being pulled in the direction of both wife and husband.

When the sprinkler system failed at home and began to flood our front lawn, she called me. She was crying because she couldn’t turn the water off. When I told her where it was the shut off valve was, water had flooded the valves and she couldn’t see them under all the muddy water. Water was flooding all the rose bushes and filling our street. I was thinking it had to be the water main since there was so much water coming from the lines.

She hung up with me in frustration and thankfully a neighbor came to her aid. They turned all the water off in the house. I was in Indiana still with no way out. When some time had passed and things dried out, I told her where to locate the water shut off for the sprinklers. Unfortunately for her, she had to dig three feet of mud and debris to locate the sprinkler shut off valve that had gotten buried when the sprinkler valve blew.

She wasn’t in the best of moods when we talked later that night. She had pulled quite a few back muscles in between tears trying to get the water turned back on in the home so the kids could use the bathroom and take showers. Thankfully it worked. She told me the grass could die because she wasn’t about to fix the sprinklers while talking to me over the phone.

Then more bad news. I wasn’t going to be finished with the project before Thanksgiving and our company needed us to work through the holiday. They couldn’t send us home This project was too big. That wasn’t a phone call I was particularly found of making to my family. Thankfully we don’t do big Thanksgiving dinner with family; it’s usually just us. Not this year. It was just them without me. She said she understood and hopefully this would not impact Christmas.

She did remind me that I had a court date pending on December 17th and she would not be able to get it extended. Perhaps she reminded me, that the company would at least deal with it since it was a legal obligation of mine I couldn’t change.

I was home on December 14th. I told them I needed time to prepare with my attorney before the actual date. I was hoping that they wouldn’t send me out after that. They didn’t. I didn’t work again or get paid again for that matter until I went back to work on January 3rd.

Nope it wasn’t at home in my state either. It was in Philadelphia and New Jersey. My littlest daughter was inconsolable at the airport that day and it broke my heart as I watched both my wife and family leave me at the curbside check in. I didn’t know when I would be back. I would be there at my job. No problem. They could count on me.

The only way I made it home in time for my youngest daughter’s birthday was a threat from my wife. It was plain and simple. Either you come home for her or you don’t come home at all. She told me that if I wasn’t going to be able to make it, I would have to be the one to tell our daughter why. She was tired of being the bad guy all the time.

I tried to negotiate with my daughter. I tried to tell her that perhaps we could do her birthday some other weekend when I got home. Perhaps the weekend after or the weekend after that. I tried to explain that I had no control of that situation. She didn’t care. She didn’t want to hear it. She wanted her daddy home. I wanted to come home.

My brother understood and had me flown home the day before her actual birthday. I surprised her at friends and she cried. She said she didn’t want any presents that just me being home was present enough. It broke my heart. I needed to find another job.

I put my resume in a few places, but I really didn’t try hard enough. Just tried to make it seem like I was. I even tried to drive around and put applications in but only at a few places. It just seemed like no one was hiring. So I left when a job offer came around to fly out to Northern California this time with my old company. The jobs were coming through in our market. They were looking for a person to manage mall projects here. So I took the offer since it meant I wouldn’t have to fly out. No problem. I am your man!

This time, however, it proved me wrong yet again. I couldn’t get home for our wedding anniversary of 11 years and worse yet, I was going to still be out of town for my wife’s birthday, two weeks after that. I tried to arrange for our friends to help me. I had one pick up a cake I had bought and paid for over the phone. I had another friend agree to go pick out some flowers for her and deliver them. I even had promised to call her all day. I don’t understand why she was so upset.

She told me to call all those friends of ours back and call it all off. She didn’t want anything and then refused to take my calls that day. I called first thing to tell her Happy Birthday but had to hang up when worked called. She didn’t answer any phone calls that day. I don’t understand why she doesn’t realize I am only working so she doesn’t have to. She can stay home with the kids now all day long.

I came home two days later. She threatened me with divorce if I didn’t go speak with our pastor. I really didn’t want to go because I knew what he was going to say. He just didn’t understand my situation. I sat in the car that day sitting outside the church. I was afraid. Not sure why. He would understand in this economy a man had to do what he could to provide for his family. After all, I am doing what God told me to do. I felt much better after giving myself that talk.

I was right too by the way. The pastor did understand. He understood my need to provide for my family in the best way I could. He understood the economy better than I had thought too because so many other men were in the same boat but losing their homes and families because they couldn’t find work.

I felt so much better. He told me that the cost to my family however was too great. It was something that they weren’t supposed to do. They are supposed to be trying to be a family without me, just so I could provide a paycheck.

I was thinking I was leading my family and being the head of our household, but all I was doing was providing for them financially. I wasn’t present in my home anymore. Phone calls and emails were not a substitute for me.

I vowed to change. He asked me to read a book with my wife to work on putting myself back in our marriage. I agreed wholeheartedly and would hope she would join me. She loved this stuff. He also suggested that I start looking for a new job.

When I returned that morning, my wife thankfully agreed to work on things with me if I agreed to change. I promised her I would. I also told her I would find another job.

I was called out to work in Las Vegas for a week and agreed. That turned into three weeks. I got an offer to complete two more malls in California again and told my boss no problem. He could count on me. There was even an offer to a promotion in it if I could successfully complete those malls on time and under budget.

I finished those projects and got the promotion. I was going to double my current salary. What I didn’t realize after my wife figured it all out, was that all my hours I was putting in during the last six months this year was more than my current new salary. Plain and simple, my company would be saving money by moving me to a salary position from my old hourly one. We would be losing money.

She must be wrong I assumed and waved her off.

“We’ll just wait and see what the checks show.” I said smugly to her.

She didn’t respond. She just walked quietly upstairs. She didn’t even look back when my work phone rang.

“Hey buddy! How’s it going, Congratulations!” said Jake proudly.

“Yeah, thanks a lot!” I said.

“We’ve got a new mall project just a couple of hours from you we need you to manage? You up for that?” he asked.

“Sure, no problem. When do you need me?” I asked.

“Need you out there today to go over the mall with both the client and the manager of the mall to work out all the details of the project. Can we count on you?

“Sure, I can be there in about an hour!”

“Great! Call me when you get there!” he said before hanging up the phone.

I didn’t understand it when my wife lay there on the bed watching TV. I told her I got to go, this new promotion thing and it wouldn’t take too long. No response.

“Bye,” I said standing in the doorway of our room waiting. Nothing. She didn’t even look at me.

“I love you,” I said, waiting. No response. I shrugged my shoulders and closed the door.

I walked down stairs and leaned over the recliner my youngest was sitting in watching cartoons.

“Daddy has to leave for work baby!” I said kissing her on the top of her head.

“Bye” she said not looking up from her cartoons.

I don’t know when the reality of it all came crashing down. I don’t even remember if there was even a starting point at which things went south. I do know that the people at my job loved how well I did my job. I was called at all hours of the night, and I was always able to provide answers to any problem that came up. I was the “go to guy” for the company. I loved my new title and all the recognition that came from that.

My family wasn’t home as much when I got home. They were gone out shopping or to the movies. Heck I don’t even know where they were most of the time. I know that when I needed to talk to them someone was always available on the cell phone. Our family line.

It wasn’t always the same for them. Sometimes, I left my phone in the car or on the ground when I was climbing up in the ceiling. They got used to calling me on my work phone when I didn’t answer the family phone. They didn’t call me very often. I was usually super busy or I had another person on the other line.

I didn’t even notice that they didn’t call so much anymore. Weekends rolled by and work still demanded my presence at the site. I was working so much I couldn’t remember sleeping but a few hours when I got home the next morning. The family was great about letting me sleep before I had to get back to work that night.

One day at work a man handed me a yellow manila envelope after confirming who I was. I figured it was another contractor’s bid that day. It was Dissolution of Marriage form and a date. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't remember breathing. I tried to call that day on the family phone but no one answered. I tried calling our home phone. No one answered.

I went home that night after I finished dealing with work and found our home dark. They must be asleep. I quietly opened the door and found no one home. The upstairs closet doors were all open and empty hangers filled the once full closet. All the pictures of our kids and family were gone. I picked up the phone and called our family phone. I could hear it ringing somewhere in the house.

I ran down the stairs and found a phone lying on the kitchen counter ringing. There was no one there on the family phone for me to talk to anymore. So here I sit looking at the phone and realizing that my family is gone.

The price I paid for that job and the promotion was more than my family could take. They needed a leader and not a financial provider. Someone who would come home instead of calling. Inside my pocket my phone rang again. Not the family phone but the work phone. Called ID showed “work calling” and I waited.

I looked up and wondered how that man got to the point in the painting.

Here he sat in his home, sitting at the kitchen table.

The family phone sitting on the table in front of him.

Manila envelope in his hand.

An empty home.

No blinking light on the coffeepot.

No one would be making coffee for him any longer.

No lights on in the home.

Just above the roof is a pipe.

A pipe leading to the street above.

Covering that pipe is a man hole cover.

Now I know what lies beneath that man hole cover.

The one just outside my home. I no longer need to use my imagination to know what lies beneath it.

I see it in front of me.

The Painting

In an average size room sits a woman. Around her lay the furnishings of her whole life. To the average observer, this would look like a person who hordes things. Never throws anything away. By the apparent disarray of things scattered about it would seem like she never did throw anything away.

The room appears to be a family room. There is a couch and a love seat placed end to end to form an "L" shape, with a coffee table overflowing with things that are spilling out onto the floor. There is a large window across from the couch. The curtains are pulled back and reveal a street just outside.

It is barren, no cars parked against the curb. There are other houses you can see just looking out the window. It appears empty since besides the lack of cars in the driveway, the lawn is brown and dry from lack of water. There is no movement in the house across the street. No curtains in the window, just the reflection of the house that I am staring out of. Almost like a mirror looking back on itself over and over.

There is a man leaving with looks like a bag of tools putting it into a truck. He is smiling. He must be leaving for work. The kids wave at him, the blond girl and the dark haired one, as they ride away on their bikes. It looks idyllic. Like a normal life.

Inside the house, it appears dark. There is a lamp on the table, but it is not turned on. Again more piles of books and boxes sit on the table next to the lamp.

On the walls are pictures framed in various colors and sizes. There is a picture of a girl, blond, blue eyes, smiling likes it a picture from school.

Another one is another girl, dark hair and eyes, smiling like the first only older. Another school picture perhaps.

There is a picture of a man and the same two children, posing for a silly family portrait. They are all dressed in similar colors and a fall like background makes it appear that they are outdoors, except there is no leaves or grass on the ground below them.

More pictures fill the room and behind them lay a dark and dingy grey color of paint. It is old and peeling much like someone who has just sharpened a pencil and the shavings remained curled up. It is like that in most places on the wall.

The woman is sitting in the midst of the family room. Sitting amongst the stuff piled high around her. Upon closer inspection you see, cards, lots of cards. Some with Happy Birthday written across the top, others have Anniversary printed on them. It appears that there are boxes upon boxes of these similar cards, packed neatly inside as if someone had saved each and every one because they hold memories. Memories of a time when it was given to commemorate a special occasion or time in this persons life. I count at least 10 of these boxes. Pictures scatter what should be the floor. These are pictures much like the ones that appear on the wall but much smaller, like ones you take from a camera. There are pictures of the same family along with the women in various places, all of them smiling back.

On the table sits a phone. A plain black phone, cordless, perhaps waiting for a call or to make answering the phone much easier since to get up from this mess and find it again would be like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. There is a clock on the wall over the couch. It is wooden and about 3 feet around. It has what looks like roman numerals, to display the current time. Here it is 3:01pm. You could almost here the clock ticking, like the loud tick tock sound you hear when all is quiet in your home, except for the ticking of the clock. Ticking away the minutes from your life, one at a time.

The woman appears to be waiting. Waiting for something or someone. She is sitting on the floor with her blanket of pictures. Her cheeks appear to be stained by tears that are still sitting on the curves just waiting for more to appear so they can follow the path down her face, like the ones before those. There is a paper on the table, with the faint words marked at the top, "Things to Do." Numbers appears after that with a list of tasks. Some have been checked off, because a line is drawn through them. Laundry. Grocery Shopping. Water the Lawn. Feed the cat. Take out the trash. Take kids to the mall. Pick up present for hubby. Only the last one remains unchecked.

I notice the small details in the picture now. Ones I didn't quite notice before. That the house across the street is this same house because if you look quite hard enough you can see the reflection of the woman in it. One thing is different in the reflection is that the man leaving for work and the children riding the bikes are missing. They aren't in the reflection. The clock is still at 3:01pm and the tears haven't fallen just yet. It's a painting. A painting of a woman waiting for her family. A family that isn't coming. A husband that isn't returning. The woman is waiting for something that isn't coming. The painting has one word painted in red, across the bottom, capital letters. It simply says, "Selfish"

One thing catches my eye that I didn't see before, is that this home or room is sitting in a pit. I can tell because only the rim of the pit is above the room this woman sits in. Above that, only a faint glimmer of light. It is a room in the bottom of a pit.

This picture is the latest addition to the gallery. It's still wet from being painted. The woman sits looking at the picture sitting on the floor and this time, the tears do fall. They catch up with those that have gone on before them. They join the others on the floor of the gallery.

Don't Worry. Be HAPPY!

Here we go again!

Another business trip is looming on the ever- nearing horizon.

Steve is being sent out again, last minute with no preparation to head to all places, Las Vegas, for a few weeks to complete a project.

I am struggling with finding the smallest bit of happiness with this bombshell after it was dropped on me last night.

Immediately my mood changed, not for the worse, but more melancholy.

Like the air was just let out of my balloon that I had just had blown up. Not popped thankfully, but like, the spitting sound that it makes when you let go of it, just after you got it blown up.

Then you watch it scatter all over the air and then land in a flop on the floor.

Yup, that’s me.

The balloon flopped on the floor.

God has been preparing me, often times in the harshest of ways for this time once again.

Call me co-dependent, but I honestly love having my husband home at the end of the workday.

I could live with a trip through the weekend, I am still OK. Missing him terribly but still OK.

Then God expanded that thinking for me. He stretched it out for two weeks.

Yikes, I often questioned God’s ability to know just how much I could take without popping. Exploding all over the first person who became my pin. Miraculously I dealt with it.

It wasn’t so hard and I loved the feeling of him coming home. Wait God isn’t finished yet.

Then Steve came home for 4 days only to leave again for three more weeks. Get out the padded cell, Mom’s going in!!!

Yet, I came out of it alive. I got phone calls daily and I think we as a family made it through a tough war, scarred but still intact. Time away changes things. You have to deal with all the little things alone.

You don’t have that extra pair of hands to help you when you need it.

You have to regroup and deal without dad. Everyone does. Until he comes home.

God eventually stretched this out to a full 5 weeks before we saw that it was straining our marriage a little too much and church counseling was necessary. Mostly because I couldn’t deal with the fact of talking to friends only to hear the same old excuses, “be happy your hubby is working when so many aren’t” “It’s just a few days away, others have done it.”, “at least it will pay your bills and you’ll still have a home?”

What we needed was our pastor to tell us that the sacrifices we were making for our marriage were too great.

It doesn’t really help. The excuses, part.

I already know all those things, it just doesn’t make it any easier to watch my hubby leave, and we aren’t sure exactly when he will be headed home.

So we prayed a lot! Daily, nightly, two or three times, or whenever we had a low moment. God answered and kept him home for a little bit.

Now we are at the crossroads again.

Just when things are starting to seem like a family again, we stand at the door and knock.

At this point, I believe I am pounding on the door, pleading and begging for God to tell us, what to do? Does my husband continue with this job and we trust God to know when enough is enough for our family? Or do we try and find something else that will pay the bills and still keep us together as a family?

I feel that we are to wait at this point. Wait for God to open that door for us, or to close it entirely.

So until that time, we wait.

I learn to deal with things.

I try hard to imitate the Proverbs 31 woman, and be all that I can be to him while he is home.

I lift him up in prayer and ask for God’s hand in dealing with this.

I trust.

I trust God knows what He is doing.

I trust that God will work this out for us.

I trust that all the temptations that may face him in Las Vegas, he will overcome thanks to God.

I pray that God will remove him from that situation as soon as he can, but for now I believe in God.

I believe in what is written, "that all things work for the good of those that love the Lord". I hold onto to that and trust God.

What else can I do? I believe it is enough for now.

Real TV???

What ever happened to those wholesome shows that would leave you feeling warm and fuzzy all over? It seems that those shows are long gone and no one is really making them any longer. I have found those wholesome, feel good shows and they are mostly on the same channel. Of course, its only if you have cable and it's the Hallmark channel.

If you haven't stopped by, I would strongly encourage you to do so. Remember those great family shows when growing up such as Little House on the Prarie, Touched by an Angel as well as some great movies that are created that don't fear what the networks have to say, or what sponsors are going to pay for ads on those Godly channels.

They are missing one of my all time favorites and that is Highway to Heaven. I loved most of the shows that Michael Landon had a hand in producing because I think he was on the right path to keep families close, immorality was non existent, and God was always at the center of things. It's the way TV should be and the way it should go back to being. It's a way for families to reconnect and have something in common. No rude language, subject matter, nudity, or violence. That's what TV should be!

For now, my TV will remain a faithful Hallmark channel favorite since I don't have to worry about what my kids will take away from it. I don't have to worry about them acting up based on something they see. I can, as a parent, feel comfortable with the subject matter. I will continue to support the Hallmark Channel and will support the Hallmark stores with my business.