All Is Not Well!!!

So I did it.

I made the decision to get the cystoscopy done today. It is where you go into the urologists office and they take a camera and take a peek at your bladder. I had talked to so many different people about the procedure, did it hurt, what are the expectations afterwards, and after some consideration made the choice to go through with it.

It was the worst decision of my life. When I woke up this morning, my pain scale was already at a 6 moving up, meaning it would be a worse day over yesterday, so I was reconsidering whether I should follow through with the appointment. Then I thought, well what if they find something simple, that justifies all this pain and it can be fixed and the only way they'll know is if I do this test. So I made up my mind to do it.

I went in pajama bottoms because they say you have to get undressed from the waist down so I thought it would be easier on me when it came time to go home. SMART decision by me. There is no way I could have put on jeans after this procedure.

So once I disrobed from the waist down and carefully sat on the padded table, with nothing to cover me but a paper sheet, the nurse came in, had me lie down, and she proceeded to wash me down with a COLD solution and then insert the lidocaine syringe. THAT REALLY HURT. Then she left and said the doctor would be in shortly. I had to ask my husband who came in the room with me, what they just did and he said they inserted a syringe into your urethra and pushed in the lidocaine. It felt like a searing HOT needle and the worst part is the more I sat there waiting to feel numb, it just kept throbbing.

Then enters said doctor, my urologist. Let's just call him Dr. L. He told me the procedure would last about 5 minutes, and then inserted the camera. MY pain scale went from a 6 to an instant 10. I couldn't even focus to watch him do his camera stuff, as I had my eyes closed praying for God to take me now and breathing through the pain as well as I could. I could feel every single time he moved the camera and I wanted to Scream!!!

Then he pulled out the camera and said he was done. As I tried to get up, I asked when I would get the results back and he said about a week. I asked what can I do for the pain I was in now, and he said, the medication he had already prescribed for me should be working. I told him that for the most part it really wasn't on a day like today. I couldn't even stand up straight. I was so doubled over in pain. He asked me to use the restroom while he continued to talk with my husband who was adamant that he give me something.

When I attempted to use the bathroom, it felt like shards of glass and my urine was lemon juice. I was almost in tears. When I came out, Dr. L looked at me, and said, "that wasn't so bad right?" I looked at him and said, "Are you kidding me? My pain scale went from a 6 to a 10." He said I could take AZO for about 2-3 days and that should help along with Tylenol or Advil. I was just in shock.

How could a well meaning doctor not see a patient in physical pain and not do anything? He said he doesn't like to prescribe narcotics because patients abuse them. Then he walked away. I told my husband that I needed to leave, but honestly the hardest thing was trying to walk out of the office with any sense of dignity I had left. I could only manage a partial half standing walking position. Once I was in the car, I immediately got my pryidium out and took the pill, just like AZO only a bit stronger, along with a full NORCO tablet.

My poor husband, there wasn't anything he could do except drive as quickly as possible to get me home so I could self treat and medicate. We also made a decision to find a more suitable doctor. While he may be convenient, he lacks the bedside manners most doctors are missing any longer. I cried all the way home hunched over wishing Jesus would take me right then and there. I couldn't imagine what my weekend would even look like.

Once the medications kicked in along with laying in a fetal position in bed with a hot water bottle between my legs, I felt somewhat better. I have been drinking tons of water to flush all the stuff out of my system and will be taking it easy today.

I am not blaming anyone for their recommendations to bite the bullet and just do it. I made the decision on my own, but oh how I wish I would have waited. This is NOT how I wanted to spend my weekend, drugged up, in bed, and in pain. For now, the pain is about at a 5-6 which is considerably better than when I came home. I had to write this in hopes that those with painful bladder or UTI consider that you might want to opt for being put out if they ask to scope your bladder. If you are already in pain in those areas, there is nothing they can give you that will make this procedure comfortable. The way I described the pain afterwards to my husband is that they made me a new hole to urinate out of. It was that bad a full 10 out of 10.

Prayer for pain relief for me.