Missing Out

Why are we so often put to the test to see how we will act as Christians only to fall flat on our face? Sometimes it feels as if we fall more than we succeed. At least that's how it feels lately to me.

I struggle at times in knowing where my place is in our home as a wife. I know my husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader and I am supposed to let him lead, but what if he truly doesn't want to? What if he isn't willing? Who takes the lead then?

Oh, I have been struggling with this very issue lately, wanting to give my hubby all the love and support and encouragement the Bible calls for, but when it seems like he doesn't want to take the lead or simply casts his family aside, what is a Christian woman supposed to do? How are we supposed to act?

Deep down inside, I know what I should do, set my feelings aside, control my emotions and harsh words that really want to say what's going on inside, but then again, I also don't want to be taken advantage of, like none of this bothers me in the slightest. How do you remind a husband what his duties and priorities are for his family?

Being a Christian doesn't mean life is supposed to be easy, in fact, I think once we turn our lives over to God, I believe in fact, it gets harder. There is an ongoing battle to tear down what God has built in our lives no matter how small it may be. Kinda like whenever you play with little kids and build things out of blocks, there biggest temptation is to knock that over, sometimes before you're even done, only to laugh and do it all over again. I feel that is exactly what the enemy seeks to do everyday in our lives only it seems the battle is never-ending and in fact, is taking a stronger attack then ever before.

I saw this happen the night, Steve and I went to see the movie Courageous. If you haven't seen it, please do. It is truly life-changing and it's made to be that way. Immediately afterwards, I could tell, Steve felt like he had let us, as a family, down in ways, as the movie portrays just how important the role of a husband and father is in a marriage and family. Deep down inside, I'm thinking, "I am so glad this really clicked for you, now maybe things might be different. We might do things more as a family now and less as individuals living in the same household, where everyone comes and does their own thing." But I don't say anything except to say that sometimes I even let this family down. But I'd like to see us work towards making things better!"

He agreed but now it seems like nothing has changed. It's what I call the weekly challenge. You see things and want to do things differently to improve your life but it only lasts for a week and then old habits and patterns develop and life falls back into the same routine. I am a competitor and fighter by nature, meaning I will do whatever it takes to make things right, especially when it comes to making our family and marriage stronger, yet I know deep down inside, I can't keep doing it by myself. I wear out. I fall short. I lose it, more days than I win.

Yet I know God will never fail me. God even know is fully aware of these things happening. Just sometimes, I wish He would throw me a clue in what to do. But for now I just pray. I pray not so much for God to work on Steve, but that He would change my attitude. Change what I need from my husband and instead, try to get me to forget it. I feel I'll lose Steve in the process. I feel like perhaps he gets a stronger appreciation from his co-workers and clients than he finds in us. Don't get me wrong he's a great father and a wonderful provider, but I need the other half of my life. I need a husband who is someone I can lean on, someone I can come to for security, someone who will always be there for me.

So if anyone can help, please let me know what I can do and if you find my husband, can you please let him know he's needed at home, he seems to be missing the bigger picture?!!