Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Happy 12th Anniversary Honey


That's right, you've read it correctly 12 years and still going strong. I am sure people were taking bets somewhere when they heard that Steve and I were going to be married. Some on both sides of our family honestly speaking.

I can honestly say when we recited those vows 12 years ago, I wished someone told us the hard reality of what marriage comes with. It ain't all easy, as a matter of fact, most of it is some of the hardest compromising and work, I've ever had to do and I don't get a salary from it, although, we should.

Marriage for those first couple of years, and I so say soooooo narrow on the couple, when the blinders come off and that yucky romantic, head over heels in love stuff finally wears off, reality soon reveals itself.

You are faced with the real person behind all that romantic, eros, facade. The person who has grown up from a child, dealt with whatever life had to throw at them during those year, through high school, early adulthood, until the sparks flew when your eyes met for the first time. Yeah that person.

That person who when they entered this marriage, had their own fantasies in their mind of just how they envisioned life with that perfect someone, and was destined to go along with a little dose of watching life happen around them, be it with their parents or friends that joined that marriage wagon. They had formed an opinion of how married life should be.

So now you have the person who comes with a history of life before you; a person who has a fantasy of what they wanted married life to be; and a real person complete with their own set of quirks that just months before you didn't seem to think they had. You know the ones I am talking about. The toilet seat lid forgetters, the ones that can't make their laundry find their way to the right spot no matter how close you move the bin to them, the ones that love their sports, leave the cap off the toothpaste, razor clippings in the sink, and will always use your towel in the shower no matter how close a new one is to them. These are the people you married.

These are the people you have to learn to deal with day in and day out. Some days aren't so easy, even despite being a Christian. We are not living in Eden any longer thanks to Adam and Eve. Thus we have to deal with the things the world and our enemy tosses our way.

The battle rages each and every day in our relationships and marriages. Especially those ordained and blessed by God, our fight is a daily one. Some days, we lose, if we are being honest. I don't know of one married couple that can honestly say, that they have never had a fight, a disagreement or a heated discussion. You name it whatever you want, the world calls it a fight.

Even in Christian households, fighting happens. You probably just label it something else, but compromise is in order no matter what our situation is or what life hands us. Someone has to agree and someone may not get their way most of the time. The choice we make to engage in that warfare as Christians sometimes is what sets us apart.

We may not have the all out drag down fight, although, if I am being honest, I've had those in these 12 years. I've questioned divorced more than once with Steve. Yet, the one thing I can say is that we've never separated in anger and stayed gone away from our home. We deal with it in the four walls of our own home.

Sure, there are times we go to bed angry because one or both of us is simply too stubborn to apologize or even accept an apology, but the fights get resolved pretty quickly. Mostly on Steve's end. He's great about getting to the bottom of it and moving on with our life.

Yet in 12 years, we as friends, have grown stronger. We've built our relationship over some very brutal storms, job losses on both sides, bankruptcy, one divorce (on my end), a step relationship between Steve and Caitlyn, and raising our daughter, Kailee, together under one roof, along with three cats.

It sure hasn't been a piece of cake, but I honestly wouldn't trade it for anything. I would change some things, but the result of what we've gone through has shown us, we can weather anything life hands us, as long as we do it together. God created marriage because He did not intend for us to be alone and it's not good to be alone. We are always looking for our other half until we find it.

The point I am trying to make is marriage is hard, down right difficult, sometimes questioning whether you are meant to go through it all, which is probably why, when we get married, we complete marriage vows that include things like, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, Steve and I, have seen it all. I love him and will love him for the rest of what God allows us to live together while we are on earth. I love the things I can't change about him and I love him for the person he is, although some days are more difficult than others, I still love him.

Yes, marriage is worth it, and you have to work at it every day to make it successful and to grow. You don't plant a rose and cross your fingers and hope it will make it own its own. You water it, feed it and make sure that it gets enough sunlight. In return it blooms for you each and every year! Love is like that, the greatest gift you could possibly want.

Happy 12th Anniversary Steve!

26 comments:

SusanD said...

Hey Kat, I nodded my head in agreement and chuckled out loud reading your post. Thank you so much for your honesty. Congratulations and blessings to you and Steve on your marriage. Blessings, SusanD

Denise said...

Happy Anniversary sweetie, may you two be blessed with many more years of happiness.

Brookie said...

Thank you for sharing, Kat. I'm at a place where I'm not so sure about this love thing - especially the head-in-the-clouds, life-is-always-perfect part. Thank you for your honest portrayal of your years married to your husband. I believe what you write and believe you when you say its worth it.

Darcie said...

Congratulations on 12 years to both you and Steve. The best things in life are worth fighting for and that includes marriage. Everyday is a different day...some sunny, some cloudy...but all worth it.

Loren said...

Happy anniversary !!! Yes, it is not always easy but through the Grace of God and your willing hearts each and every day, every trial, every fight will bring you closer to HIM and to each other! Always keep the Lord the head of your marriage and HE will bless you. I know I have found it true that when we come through a very difficult time together it is some of the best times knowing we worked soo hard and we made it!! I know you will have many blessed years together and I am sooo happy for you both!

I love you

Mari said...

Happy Anniversary! I think we can all say that there have been frustrating times in our marriage, and our spouses could say the same, but it's worth it in the end!

Andrea said...

Congratulations and May GOD BLESS the rest of your days together like never before.
Blessings, hugs, and prayers, andrea

RCUBEs said...

Happy Anniversary sister Kat and bro. Steve! May God bless you and strengthen your relationship the more!!! Yes, it's not easy. But by His grace, a couple can survive, endure...Like you. Have an awesome day!

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

Happy anniversay Kat and Steve!

I will celebrate my 25th anniverary on Valentines Day. 3 children and 5 grandchildren later, we are still going strong!

Love to you today!

Beth

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Happy Anniversary...You said it all....

Heckety said...

Hoo yes! You so nailed it! Ace writing!
And happy Anniversary to you both!

Deborah Ann said...

Aw, what a beautiful tribute to your marriage! Lord knows, it ain't easy living with people.

And about the toilet seat...the men could have the same complaint. They could say "why don't you put the seat up when you're done!" Hehe...

(haha, word verification says "wining"

Joyce said...

Happy Anniversary to you both!

He & Me + 3 said...

Happy Anniversary to you both. 12 years is great. We celebrated our 12th this past august.

Crown of Beauty said...

Dear Kat,
This is such a lovely post. Well said, dear sister, well said.

You have spoken not out of your head, but out of your heart. I love your honesty and your transparency...and really I am so happy for you! For all that these 12 years has done for you.

Having known a bit of your background when you married Steve, how battered and wounded you were, to have a man love and accept you for 12 years, through all the THICK and THIN of the daily-ness of marriage...is such a healing balm! And you have been good for him as well. I love how you have stuck it out all these years, and please take the word DIVORCE out of your options when the going gets rough.

I was married for 30 years and our 30th year was so special, and I never had any idea it was going to be our last...

If you ever have a bit of time, let me just invite you to read the anniversary letter I wrote my husband on our 30th year. It was God inspired, because God knew something I didn't know...that I would never have the chance to write him again any anniversary letter after that one!

http://mla-crownofglory.blogspot.com/2008/03/given-wings.html

Love you, Kat... and praying your health issues are being resolved.

Lidj

Mich said...

Happy 12th!

Blessings always...

christy rose said...

Happy Anniversary to you and Steve! I pray that every year you have together keeps getting better and better! It most definitely is worth fighting tooth and nail for.
Hope you have a wonderful anniversary together. :)

petrii said...

Kat,
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

Love you sweet friend ~~ hope you are feeling well today.

Have a Blessed day,
Dawn

thelumberjackswife said...

Great post! Happy Anniversary!

LeeAnn@Encouragement Is Contagious said...

Happy Anniversary to you and your husband Kat!

I have found, that after 33 years of marriage, it is all of those tough and hard stages, that truly make your love stronger for one another. Who else could understand you more than your mate who too has endured the storms along with you. God is so good that way!

Hope you celebrate in a great way!

Lee Ann

Just Breathe said...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO BOTH OF YOU.
Even if we were warned we wouldn't listen! Love is blind but also very wonderful.

Andrea said...

Sitka has an award for you at All Gods Creatures.

Tea With Tiffany said...

Happy Anniversary! Marriage is hard work. I've had my ups and downs for sure. Especially when we weren't walking with God. We separated once for a week. God is faithful. We are coming up on 19 years. :) Who knew?

Sharlyn Guthrie said...

Congratulations! Marriages are as individual as the individuals who make them up, but bottom line? You're so right...marriage is worth it! What a beautiful picture of Christ's love for us, His bride. Isn't it great to realize that your marriage is really a picture of that?

Deborah Ann said...

Got sumpin' for you at my blog!

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

Happy Anniversary Kat. I absolutely loved your post. I did make me think about what you don't know about before you get married. Congrats and blessings to you and Steve.

Btw I'm back.