Thursday, February 18, 2010

Frustrated and Throwing in the Towel


Today I sit here in my bedroom just wondering how did things get so messed up in the first place. I always envisioned when you married someone and had kids and completed those sacred marriage vows that everything would just work out OK somehow in the end.

You would have thought I would have learned my lesson after failed marriage number one when he couldn't commit to staying at home, having a wife and a child without still carrying on as those he wasn't married.

Yet here I sit in yet fight number, oh who knows and I can't remember just how we got to this point. I thought I married the perfect person, the one that would give me my self esteem back and would make me a better person.

Then failures began to set in. This is the starting point for those failures I believe got us to where we are at today. I got laid off at my job of over 10 years and never found my way back to work. However it was Steve's advice that told me maybe it was my turn to stay at home and raise the family. We were certainly pulling in enough money to make that happen. So I stopped looking and settled for family life, homeschooling my kids and trying to live a Godly life.

Then Steve began hating his job. Once more he was faced to settle at beginning a new job at the low end of the scale and start at rock bottom when he clearly felt he was deserving of so much more. Don't we all?

Yet in spite of all the hunting he did, he was never able to pull himself out of the escrow crisis that would soon envelop us all that work in the real estate or banking industry.

Thankfully for him, he got injured on the job and faced a long disability to recovery. I managed to find a part time job but in the midst of this, Steve was never happy. He couldn't get better so he felt he may as well throw in the towel and get back to work before disability ran out.

My brother provided him with a way out but at the hidden expense we would come to see at a much later date. This new job gave him all that he was looking for, more than entry level, the ability to get out of a cubicle and out of an office and seek greater money and challenges ahead. He jumped.

In the end, this job has caused a tremendous tear in our marriage. It has pulled us apart farther than I thought it was possible for marriages to go. This job removed him physically from our home for 90% of the time. He would travel out of state for 4-5 weeks at a time, come home for 3 days and back to that same schedule only a different state.

I told him after seeing him miss Thanksgiving, our wedding anniversary, birthdays and other profound family holidays that this was something I knew I could never endure in a marriage. In fact, had I known what this would entail, I would have told him No! I had lived a marriage the first time around for almost 10 years of someone who was never home. That ended in an affair that would break my heart and trust for years.

Now I was seeing the same pattern repeat and I encouraged Steve to seek counseling because he couldn't see anything wrong with what was going on in our marriage even though I informed him we were at a critical point where we were both discussing divorce as an option.

He went to counseling and was told that if this cost to his marriage based on this job was too great, he needed to quit. We both agreed that it was, and so the rumor began that Steve would look for another job.

It's been over a year and a half now and he still is no further along in the job search than he was before.

His counseling sessions stopped after that one time because Steve things that worked everything out between us.

Now, enter my health issues which at this point, make me want to scream and cry because of the frustration and lack of care of doctors has simply caused this problem to go on too long. Do you think Steve cares? Yes and No! Yes he cares because he hates to anyone suffer, but No because after 4 months of dealing with this, and all the waiting that has gone into this and I, quite simply, am not the same person, I was 4 months ago. This has profoundly affected my life that much. Too view the world outside my window as some movie and yet so removed from things that life is simply passing me by. I live in a drugged out state because the pain is so severe and tests can only be scheduled so quickly.

So I sit today, hopeless, in tears in both emotional pain and physical pain, just wondering what hope is there anymore. I know deep in my heart this won't last forever, but my husband has already checked out. I see it in the things he does for us everyday. He is simply existing and hoping that one day, he will awake from this nightmare and find it's over and crossing his fingers our life will resume where it left off.

I am left alone, needing for physical help from him, which isn't there. He has taken off so much time for things like the kids birthday and wrap around days here and there, that his work has told him he is out of time.

So he leaves for work everyday, while I struggle to find sense of all of this and just wonder where is this all heading. Is there something in here I am supposed to find. How can I get help when there isn't any available and how can I get better when I have no time to get anything done?

So as you can see, I sit here in bed, pouring out my heart to all of you in this great blogging world, because I can't see past my own heartache and physical pain right now. I try daily to summon up the strength to pick my kids up from school, pick them up and do homework with them, and wait til Steve comes home, so I can run upstairs and load up on pain meds and hope that for once they will work and that pain will just never return.

I am lost and so alone right now, and every prayer I have offered up leaves me questioning, what next? Where do I go from here? If I can't depend on those I was supposed to, why are they even here? What purpose do they serve besides being a great dad and a financial provider.

Please comment and help! I am utterly lost at this point!

52 comments:

Parsley said...

Oh sweetie. I'm so very sorry.

I hope you are able to have a heart to heart talk with your husband, even if you have already. even if you have multiple times.

Don't go into the emotions but deal with it logically as in a business deal(that's the way men think). They like to fix things so he needs to know the problem and he needs to work with you to fix it.

Sacrifice and give and take on both parts will be required. Tell him what you want from him. Ask, what does he want from you.

Is he a Christ follower? If so, seek Christian counseling ASAP. Talk with a pastor and his wife.

Women and men have different needs. You BOTH must communicate those needs.

Oh..I do wish there was something I could do. Prayer your way. My heart breaks for you!

Wendi said...

Oh Kat! I wish I had some wonderful advice to fix everything for you. I wish we were neighbors and I could drop by and help you out. I don't think I have ever talked about in in blogland, but I was in a failing marriage. A marriage where he had checked out. It ended in divorce and as you know that is a terrible pain. A pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. I will pray for you and Steve. Don't give up!

RCUBEs said...

Sister Kat, I didn't know what to say but prayed for you first and asked the Lord what He would want to say through me. It's hard when you are also dealing with physical pain that is not resolved yet. I was like that when I first injured my neck. I felt so hopeless. On top of that, my hubby just got out of the navy at that time and didn't have a job. We were in a financial crisis!

It's so easy to say "I quit!" but we have a God Who doesn't want us to do that. That towel you want to throw....don't!!! Make a knot instead as He is holding the other end!

I will keep you in prayers. I know sometimes, we want a visible answer. But during those times you feel so alone, remember you're not...Times that prayers are not answered doesn't mean He is not listening nor He isn't working in your behalf.

God will surely make a way. In His perfect time.

"When I had lost all hope, I turned my thoughts once more to the Lord. And my earnest prayer went out to you in your holy Temple." -Jonah 2:7

You are more than a conqueror in Christ. Love to you sister.

Mari said...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this on top of the health problems. I think Parsley gave you some really good advice. You need to talk and both of you need to be willing to hear what the other has to say. Men do like to fix things and Steve can't fix this. They also like to feel that they are providing for their family, and often feel that is through the money they make and not so much in the time they spend with them. So - he needs to hear again how important it is that he is with you.
I'm praying. Don't give up.

Grammy Suzzy said...

I, too, am so very, very sorry. I don't know what you are feeling. I don't know how much you hurt. But I do know that, in spite of miles and differences, we are sisters. We are children of a loving Heavenly Father. He truly loves YOU. He knows YOU. He feels your pain. He can help you. I wish I could help...could take away your pain, both physical and emotional...could make it all better. Please know that I, your sister in Christ, will be praying for you, from this moment on. Please listen for the promptings of the Spirit that will guide you. Go to the scriptures and read. They will give you the strength you need, the comfort you need, and the guidance you need. Know this, that there are many, many of us who truly, truly love you. We may not know each other, but we know your heart, your worries, your sadness, and we Love you very much!

Just Breathe said...

I agree with you. I could tell you things that would take pages to type. I am sorry you are having a bad time right now. I think that it is just getting to the last staw. I will keep you in my prayers. I will pray on me knees right now. First of all I am sure that he is feeling stressed, doing more than the normal things. Second I am sure that he is in fear of losing you. Often men can't explain themselve, they turn away. This will pass, things will get settled as soon as your health can be resolved. It's been stressfull for the entire family yet I am sure that he feels that it's all on his shoulders.

LeeAnn@Encouragement Is Contagious said...

Kat,

My heart is breaking for you right now. I wish I could say something that would make all of your worries go away, but that is God's job. He is the only one who can take something that seems impossible and devastating and make into something wonderful that you've never expected.

It is so true that men feel they must fix things and they put alot of pressure on themselves to perform such as in being the bread winner. Even if He won't go to counseling, you should go and do it for yourself. I know money can be an issue with counseling, but I know there are many wonderful Christian counselors out there that my do it for free. Another thing that may lift you up is to visit http://www.traciemiles.blogspot.com/ She is doing a marriage series right now on her blog and it is so good. She is one of the Proverbs31.org speakers and I just love her insight.

I will be praying for you Kat. Keep looking up!

Aine Willis said...

I am so sorry you are hurting. Physical and emotional pain ... together ... it's beyond difficult. I wish I had some profound words to help you through this, something that would turn your husband's eyes from the world and back to God. I love the song by Casting Crowns ... "American Dream". It's a good reminder that material things seperate us from the place and plan God has for us. God grant you peace, strength and faith.

SusanD said...

Oh Dear One, My heart goes out to you and Steve. There have been some good comments and I'm not sure I could add anything to them. Only know that God hears the prayers of His people, and there are so many of us praying for you, your health, and your marriage. He will not withhold any good thing. I would that I was there with you right now, drying your tears, hugging your neck, soothing your pain. Blessings, SusanD

3 Blessings said...

My heart breaks for you and your husband. I really cannot offer any wonderful advice other than God. He is the ultimate healer of all...health and relationships. I will pray for you and your husband.
Blessings,
Amy

~ Being Woven said...

Sweet Kat ... words are ... actually, only my heart speaks with love and comfort. My heart knows some of what you are dealing with, my mind does too actually. Only my heart can reach out to your heart and we can pray together and I can hold you through this heart-to-heart.

Dearest Abba Father, You know all that Kat is going through and is feeling. You are with her as only You can be, LORD. Please hold her closely. Your tender care is what she needs. LORD, You are the Physician of healing. Please heal her body. Touch the pain and take it away. LORD, please heal this marriage and family. Knit and grow them back together. Oh, Father, You are all and everything. Don't let go of dear Kat. I pray and will continue to pray for this precious sister of mine. LORD, I lift her to You in the Name of Your Son, Amen.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

I am so sorry....Wish I lived closer to you and could help you out...It sounds like if you could physically feel better, things would be better....
Sending hugs, Teresa

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

The best thing you have done is to post here so that others will surround you in prayer and encouragement.

I know what it feels like...you feel alone in your pain and trying to keep a smile on your face so that your kids don't feel the stress or worry.

You wish so hard to wake up tomorrow and know that the pain is completely gone and that Steve is wanting to be there for you and the family.

The thing is, there are those things that he can change of course, with God's help. He has to have the desire to want something more in your marriage and to reach for it.

You are a precious vessel. You have brought so much joy and encouragement to me in your blog comments. I wish that there was more that I could do besides pray for you all.

Have you tried A Weekend to Remember conference?

Take good care and count on my prayers.

Elle Bee said...

Kat, I am so sorry! You have always been such an inspiration to me and it breaks my heart to hear that you're in such a dark place. Please know that in all your suffering, God is in control and He has not left you! Don't ever stop praying and asking the Lord for help. He will hear you and wrap His loving arms around you. I am sending huge hugs your way.
Elle

creative gal said...

I am not married, but I can offer to pray for you. . .and your marriage. . .

Andrea said...

Kat,

One of the things I have learned through my own emotional and physical battle is that there is "no" human who can meet my needs. Only GOD can meet my needs. I had to put my focus on allowing HIM to do that and I had to surrender the out of control situations in my life to HIM. After all, my efforts to fix things/people were NOT working. It most certainly was NOT a quick fix, but each and every moment of each day...GOD began to heal my heart and body. Through the healing...others changed or my heart toward them changed and honestly I don't know which..that is a bit of a blur. There were nights when I literally slept holding my NAS Inductive Study Bible with all its notes in my arms. I was so desperate...God met me in my greatest hour of need and we crawled out of that deep hole, together.
I don't know if this helped any, but I felt after praying I should share it with you. You have my email and I will do anything I can to help you. I mean it!!
Hugs, prayers, and love, andrea

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

Kat,
I sit here reading this with a heavy heart and tears brimming in my eyes. I am so sorry for the burden you have been carrying.

I wish I could say something very profound. You would think after 25 years of marriage, I would have some words of wisdom!

First of all, you HAVE to take care of yourself. It is imperative that you get your health issues resolved. That is so important for YOU and for your children.

After spending time with God and praying for guidance and discernment, you and Steve need to sit down and really talk this thing out. Communication is so essential as you know. You need to tell each other what is on your minds without being accusing. Just be real with each other.

It is never too late to begin anew. I will be praying for you both. I will be asking to God to speak to your hearts and to be showing you both the path that He so desires for you and your marriage.

If there is anything specific I can pray about, feel free to email me.

I care about you Kat. I have gotten to know your heart through your blog and I hurt deeply for the pain you are experiencing. Physical and spiritual and mental.

Please know that I will be lifting you up to the Throne of Grace.

Love to you - Beth

Girly Muse said...

I'm so sad to read this, sad that you're going through any more...with the health issues you're going through, that would be enough...but it seems like things usually do come in waves like this and as you can see, your prayer partners are here to hold each arm up for you when you cannot...we will pray for miracles~ for your healthy, for your home, for your marriage, for the broken down self-esteem...when you can't see your way through...that's what we're here for.

We love you. I'm so thankful you had the courage to tell us all what is happening. My marriage has been attacked in a big way this year and I have not been as brave as you. Thank you for this.

Love,
Lori

Dogmom Diva said...

Kat, I can't add much more to what these wonderful women have said, sometimes just getting our feelings OUT there helps...
I have been married 33 years and it has not been easy..but we have not had to deal with long times apart and that cannot be easy at all.
Keep praying Kat..try to stay strong. God loves you and Steve. You and Steve CAN get through this..God does not give us more than we can handle...
hugs
Barb

Alleluiabelle said...

My Sweet Friend,

I just want to put my arms around you to hold you and hug you as my heart aches right now as I read through this.

I know that dealing with health issues, especially ones that doctor's keep beating around the bush about and taking forever to get answers for can be taxing on you...I went through that for several years and I'm not going to say that I know how you feel because each one of us deals and processes things differently. What I can say is that through my own physical traumas, feeling desperately alone in the flesh, not leaving my home for long periods of time because of surgeries, trying to find answers from doctors, etc. along with my husband's prognosis with his heart...DON'T EVER GIVE UP, there is always HOPE and the only way I was able to get through my trials and continue to get through them on a daily basis is through God. I know being in extreme physical pain causes emotional pain which then just starts rippling through right down the line to everything else in life. It's so very hard...But nothing is ever too hard for Him.

Yes we feel so very alone in the flesh, but He is right there beside us, behind us, in front of us and all around us. We don't always get the answers from Him right away, but I'll tell you during these most difficult challenging, emotionally draining times...He's waiting patiently for you, for me, for all of us to continue to love Him, trust Him completely with our entire lives and He wants us to hand it ALL OVER TO HIM. The burden is far too great for you to carry alone Kat. I'm not a counselor and I don't pretend to be one. I see one for anxiety purposes and it helps a great deal and my husband has seen one ever since his open heart surgery because that surgery changed him dramatically. Some things we just don't have control over and we have to place our complete and total TRUST in the Lord. Never doubt Him, ever. He will answer your heart cries. He will. He hears and feels every single one of them. He won't let you down, never. He will lift you up out of your bed. He will refresh you despite the storm and physical pains you are going through. It sounds crazy doesn't it? But for those of us, such as yourself and so many others here who have strong faith, belief in Him...He is always with us. Never leaving us alone and He is with your sweet husband too.

Pray to the Lord for the husband Kat. Pray hard for him, for God to work through Him. I'm going to be transparent here, we went through bankruptcy several years back when I got ill, went through several surgeries and could no longer work. We went from two incomes to one. We couldn't make ends meet. Then my husband became ill, and was never able to return to work. TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. He will direct your path. He will provide. He did for us when all seemed so very hopeless, not in a divorce type sense, but in so many other taxing ways. He will provide financially as well. PUT YOUR COMPLETE TRUST TRUST TRUST IN HIM that is what He is waiting for...I know it is so very very hard when in the flesh we feel like we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel but it's there, HE IS THERE shining His light in all of His glory just for you, for me, for all.

I love you Kat so very very much and my prayers will fervently be said for this entire situation, for your health issues to get resolved because that is so very important.

Please e-mail me if you need an ear to listen, to pray. I'll help in any way that I can dear one. We are all here for one another.

Big Big Hugs,
Alleluiabelle

Just Be Real said...

Precious Kat, I am so very sorry. Here listening. ((((Kat))))

Divine Mrs D said...

I'm so sorry, Kat.

I've been praying for you and I know that God is with you...even in a distant land.

Still Learning said...

Kat, while you may be physically alone while reading this please know that in spirit I am with you and my arms are wrapped tight around you with a BIG hug! You have so many friends who are with you in spirit right now.
My heart aches for you and like the other ladies, my eyes filled with tears. I share in your distress and I will pray so much more in your name to the Lord. In fact, God and I are about to have a good ole chat about you. A long one and I expect to come back here and see Him doing some mighty and wonderful things in you ASAP. Our God is mighty to save! Our God is our HEALER! Our God hears us and our God is about to hear me quote a whole bunch of HIS WORD right back to him in Jesus name in your behalf. By your faith, by my faith and by the faith in every one who reads this blog & your family we will stand on God's holy word and ask and believe that what you need is already done!!!!! Amen. Girl, I am on fire for your needs right now! Thank you for posting this, we are His holy daughters and we will receive all of His promises and healing for you by crying out to the Father for you. I believe that.
Before I do all that praying I want to share that I do agree with some of the other ladies. Men need to fix things and when they can't make it better they get frustrated, angry and pull away. I can personally testify to this. My own husband in my health battles would help and be wonderful but at the point where he realizes he cannot make it better he gets so frustrated that he becomes a jerk. I hear that from many women, maybe that is why they are such dorks when they get sick too. They just get angry when they can't make it better and they seperate themselves from the one that needs them because they cannot deal with not being able to make it better. Who can understand man logic? Only a man, that is for sure. I wish so bad I could fly out there and help you. But I am gonna pray like the dickens. Try not to get worked up, I know that is hard. But it will only make your pain worse. Stay calm today and let us all go to the Father for you? I am eagerly anticipating his faithful loving arms to pick you up and hold you tight girl. Hang on.

Andrea said...

Just stopping back in to say: I love you and I am praying for you.
Big HUGS, andrea

Thena said...

Wow, it's hard to add anything different from all the others. I am also in my second marriage and there's been times in this one I myself have felt like throwing in the towel. But over and over again God has been so faithful. Even in small ways, I think the human side of us wants some kind of sign of encouragement. I do know the more I pray for my husband and my marriage the more love and forgiveness I feel towards my husband. I will be praying for you and Steve and your health. Your health alone is stressful enough for any marriage.

THE OLD GEEZER said...

Thanks for all your comments on my blog.
Your comments are always welcome.

Have a wonderful weekend.
God bless you and your family,

Mr. and Mrs. Geezer

Deborah Ann said...

Oh Kat, I just hate to hear this! Through your blog I have come to love you, and can see the sweetness in your spirit.

Do you pray together as a couple? A marriage isn't two people, it's three.

Have you seen the movie "Fireproof?" If not, rent it the next time you're both together.

I'll be praying for you!!!

christy rose said...

Oh Kat! I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I feel like you have gotten so much good advice here in these comments. As I was reading your post and praying for the Lord to comfort your heart, all I could think was that it is so hard for us to see past our own situation when we are in pain and our first response usually is to just say, "forget it!" But, when it comes to marriage. There truly is no forgetting it. There is only living and let live! We are all just doing the best we know how in the life we have been given to live. And, it is only as the Lord reveals Himself to us and we learn to soley depend upon Him to meet all of our needs that we are able to remain together in the midst of hard times. Marriage is as binding as our union with the Lord. We have become one spirit with God and one flesh with our spouses. And "one" can not be divided and remain a whole. So in our marriage relationships, it is important to know that during hard times, we look to the Lord to see how to repair the tears that are trying to make each of you a half and not let them continue to breach the union leaving the result to be two halves instead of a whole. I am praying for you and I know that the Lord will bring light and life into your heart and your situation so that you can see the His loving hands mending the tears between both of you and bringing you back to the wholeness that He desires for you to live in. Because He loves you so!
You are a precious woman, highly favored and valued. He will bring you the desires of your heart! He longs to shower you with His love. Look to Him to bring that to pass.
Love,
Christy

Darcie said...

Our Dearest Kat,

How can I even begin to add anymore then what has already been added. I hope it gives you comfort to know that there are people out here that care, love, wish, and pray that we could take all your problems away. I also have a feeling in your own home their are those same individuals. I believe if your husband could take away your pain and sadness he would because we all want out that for each other. I really do like what Parsley said...a lot of wisdom in that. We love you honey and are praying for you...reach out to the ONE that can give true comfort in the time of your need. ((hugs)))

Heckety said...

That's men, best will in the world but...

At Church are there any women friends who would come round once a week in succession and be with you-talk, cry, hang the laundry, empty the dishwasher, take your girls out with their girls to do something you can't, supervise something fun for several children at your place, wash the kitchen floor for gosh'sakes! Anything! Have you said you'd like company? These are all things I did for a friend here several years ago when she broke her neck in an accident...and some days she just wanted someone to pass the tissues while she bawled, other days she needed all the hatchling pheasants put in a box to warm up by the stove! For her daughter's birthday she wanted me to take everything and everybody to her house and she lay in the corner and watched the mayhem and I did the party(her daughter and mine tried to bring the pony, several hens and four dogs into the kitchen to 'share' the party...)

I think its ok to feel you've lost your life and sort of your identity at the moment;its ok to mourn. Things will hopefully get better but they won't be the same.They could well be better, after all its God who is in control.

Ask someone to regularly buy you YELLOW flowers- you can laugh but yellow flowers are a real pick-me-up!

This may sound stupid but are you clinically depressed, because if you are that'll make everything worse. (speaking from experience here)

Love ya lots jelly tots! (quote from Sos-her answer to most things)

Heckety said...

What Bible verse is it that says after the darkest night comes the dawn?

RCUBEs said...

Sister Kat, dropping by to let you know you are thought of and am keeping you in prayers. Take care and may you have a blessed weekend.

Heckety said...

And another thing- try to distract yourself- magazines, light reading possibly lighter than you would normally read, turn on the Olympics and just look at the scenery, listen to music and drift, acknowledge that you are fragile just now and try not look too far ahead, let your girls read their favourite books to you...and this...The Silent Helulujah?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCFCeJTEzNU

Kelly Combs said...

Kat - I agree with Andrea that a earthly man fulfil you, and there is no "perfect person." Only God.

I would encourage you to seek counseling. If Steve wants to go with you fine, and if not, go by yourself. Back away from the pain meds - they are highly addictive. And finally, see a pain counselor or specialist. They can help you manage your pain without just "living in a drugged out state."

Praying for you.

Heckety said...

One more thing abd then I'll stop bugging you: have you heard of Bed Picnics? The Hub started them when I first got sick but they are such fun the girls do them even when I'm only poorly for a few days...one girl is in charge of making the meal and everyone else has to do as she tells them, anything at all edible is allowed, and no criticism only 'thank yous'. We've had some right weird picnics, especially when Dilly was only 6 and got to be boss! It helps if the bedspread is easily washed, or you have a 'picnic bedspread! It turns a necessity into a laugh, teaches the girls to organise edible meals, and even the youngest gets to boss everyone sometimes!

Joyce said...

I'm sorry for your sadness and pain. I will be praying. Nothing is too big for God. You are not alone.

Your illness only complicates all you are feeling. Do you know of a counselor or pastor you could talk to? Blogging friends are wonderful but sometimes we need someone there in the flesh.

I will be praying. Don't give up! As Rcubes said, "Tie a knot and hang on!'

Tabitha@ichoosebliss said...

I'm truly sorry you are going through this. I can in no way give marital advice other than to encourage you to go to God. I'm keeping you in my heart and prayers.

Kelly L said...

First I want to say - I am very sorry and I can completely understand. I had kidney failure and my husband just kind of checked out.. I held the hurt and anger for years... even after I was better... And because of that anger and hurt I lost almost 20 years of my life.. Twenty years where I could have found joy...

Kat - you are an amazing woman - with a heart that surpasses almost everyone I know... It is not in your nature to be sad and throw in the towel... This pain and hopelessness you feel will pass - We have an amazing God - let his love encourage you...

I learned that talking to men about our emotions does not really get us anywhere... but I have learned that my actions - spoke volumes and got what I needed to say across..

I will pray for you my friend. Pray for healing in your body.. pray for happiness in your marriage.

Love to you.
Kelly

Sharlyn Guthrie said...

Oh, I'm praying for you and sending hugs your way, Kat. When we are feeling lousy, it's so hard to see beyond that, but I would encourage you to focus on loving your husband even more, because that's what Christ does for us when we are unlovely and unlovable. You are both in difficult, stressful situations right now, and you need each other more than ever. It is the enemy that is trying to use your weakness and vulnerability to gain advantage. I'm praying that God's love will overwhelm you and Steve and give you the strength you need to hold each other up.

Denise said...

Sweetie, I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with all of this right now. Praying for you and loving you.

Parsley said...

I stopped back by to see how you were. Still praying.

Sandra said...

I am SO sorry you are hurting, your post brought tears to my eyes, I wanted to reach through the computer and hug you.

Marriage is such a hard thing and especially when they are away from home so often, I know, I'm a military wife and it's not easy feeling like you're a single parent for most of the time.

First I want you to remember that you are not alone, your friends here in blogland may not be able to be there physically but we are there in spirit and thought and will always be here to lend a listening ear. It's good to vent.

Secondly, I don't think you should throw in the towel, but I do think that you and Steve need to sit down and have a good long talk.

I agree with what Mari said, men are fixers, they want to fix everything and when they can't they don't know how to react. Let him know what you need from him and listen to what he needs from you.

Now is not the time to pull apart, but to pull together and trust in the love you have for each other to see you through this hard time.

I'm praying for you and Steve. Hang in there!

Hugs,
Sandra

Mich said...

Oh friend!

I wish I had all the right answers. All I know is WHO holds the key to happiness and gives strength when needed. Hang in there, wrap it all in prayer and "be still" and let Him answer you in His time.

prayers and blessings...

Carol said...

Kat,

My heart hurts for you. I know things have gotten worse over the past several months, but God is with you and Steve through all of it. Don't ever forget that. It's just that when things get really, really hard, it's easy to question your faith. Don't let the enemy get a foothold. You are a Daughter of the King, the head and not the tail, above all, and beneath none. I'm paraphrasing here, but I know you get the idea.

Hold on, dear Kat, and never let go of that faith. We have all read your blog and have come to know and love you because of the beautiful love you have for Jesus. You have touched all of us.

Don't give up on your marriage, Kat. Fight for it with everything you've got. We are all behind you, praying for you, and also praying for physical healing. I can't even imagine your pain. God knows it and will carry you through.

I'm sending lots of love and great big hugs in the name of Jesus,
Carol

SusanD said...

You have been on my heart and in my prayers so much. Please know that. Hugging you with my heart. Blessings, SusanD

Jackie said...

Kat......I stumbled upon your site and realize that you and I comment/follow many of the same wonderful blogs! So, glad to meet you - I love meeting new bloggy girlfriends in the Lord and will be following your blog now!

My heart breaks for you dear sister! Please know that I will be praying for you and your family, my new friend!

Sweet Blessings!
Jackie

Heckety said...

Me again! You know I said to get yellow flowers? Well here's why!

http://potionsfromwildwood.wordpress.com/2010/02/19/yellow/

Thinking of you lots and lots, and praying too, needless to say.

cindy said...

Kat,
You don't know me yet...I just signed up to follow you from Beth's site.

I agree with (someone o n the blog and now I can't find the name) but you do need to take care of yourself right now. Therapy with a good Christian counselor will make you look forward to the sessions. Then when Steve sees the change in you hopefully he will want some of what you have in your spirit. YOu can't change Steve, but you can change yourself. It is hard, but a wonderful journey to let your counselor go to guide you.

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. First and foremost, you have to take care of yourself first. You won't be any good for anyone if you don't. I wish I had the answer to help you. All I can say is that you need to talk with him. But in the end, do what is best for you.

I will be praying for you in this.

Just Be Real said...

Came back to give you more hugs.... ((((Kat))))

petrii said...

Dear Sweet Kat,
I am so very sorry sweet one. The pain that you are going through comes through each word you typed. I wish we lived closer. I'd come over and help you and prayer with you and just be with you. I will be praying for you sweet Kat.

Love you so,
Dawn

Edie said...

Oh Kat I'm just now reading this and my heart is breaking for you. I know there is nothing I can say that all these others haven't already said. Please know that I have been keeping you in prayer daily. I will continue to do so. Sending love and hugs your way.