Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Living in a Fog



Ah lately it seems like my life has been on a foggy road lately. Can't see what is up ahead only what lies right in front of me.

So much going on and what should be the best time of the whole year for me, has been sitting back, resting in bed, praying that this stubborn infection will go away and that life can resume a bit of normalcy for me.

My days consist of daily pain medicines as the infection seems to be digging in and trying to find a permanent home despite all the recent foreclosures in the past few months. I ran through my first dose of antibiotics, Cipro, which for me didn't really do much. The pain still persisted and in fact on my last three days of taking them got so bad, I was taking the pain meds as often as I could.

On Saturday, I ended my Cipro and began the next round of antibiotics called Flagyl which is supposed to be a stronger one. Those appeared to be working well and for almost 3 days had virtually no pain. I attempted to go to church on Sunday and felt the rush of pain begin 30 minutes before service ended. Quietly I prayed to God that I needed to be at church and could He do anything about the pain. It didn't work and I was popping pain meds in church so I could get a handle on the pain before it got too bad.

So my life in a nutshell is taking the girls to school in the morning, hopping back in bed and using a heating pad to keep the pain at bay, sleeping as much as I can, and that is where I stay until the next day. I don't have the energy to get out of bed and the pain can be so overwhelming, for me, it's better to stay where I can rest and sleep. Steve has been getting home early enough to grab the kids from school, so I can stay in bed. I mean how much fun does that sound like?

So where do I stand now? I have another doctor's appointment tomorrow at 10:45am to go over my blood work from this past Monday and discuss what is going on. The saddest thing for me is just how depressing all this can be. I sit in bed most of my day while life goes on around me. I feel like I exist in my home but in a different state than everyone else. I envy those people that can get up and just walk around their own homes, sit in church in no pain, and just go about their day to day lives and I just sit and live for pain free moments in my day.

I've been crying more than I usually do because I feel like Christmas is slipping by, and the things I used to enjoy like visiting the light displays on peoples homes, baking cookies, shopping for the family for Christmas, and just attending church is all being robbed from me. I've been reading on line just how difficult it is to get rid of C-diff and how fatal it can be as well. Doesn't that just do wonders for my Christmas spirit.

So my dearest friends, please send encouragement and prayers my way if you have the time. I would also encourage you to savor these moments when you can get around, and enjoy time with family and friends this Christmas. You just never know when those times will be taken from you for a season.

Please continue to pray for my dearest niece Mea and if you haven't grabbed her prayer button on the right, please do so and encourage everyone else to pray for this sweet angel. We will know something on January 13th whether she is improving or getting worse. I however believe God will grant us a miracle.

23 comments:

Beth E. said...

Bless your heart...of course I will be praying! I can't imagine the pain you are going through.

A dear friend of mine had c-diff a couple of years ago. She went through a terrible time, but she DID get through it...and so will you!

Hugs,
Beth

skoots1mom said...

you're definitely in a season of rest and recuperation...so, try not to worry about Christmas and continue taking care of yourself ... next year you will get to celebrate 'double'...cause you'll be past the c-diff and feeling much better. That's a tough regimine of antibiotics and you need lots of rest while it works...be patient with yourself and let God do His thing.
:)

Denise said...

Sweetie, wrapping you in love and prayers.

Catherine Anne said...

Prayers to you Kat. I am so sorry you are going through this! You truly are holding a cross. Its hard to understand when he sends them to us. But know he sends them to the ones he loves dearly. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

He & Me + 3 said...

I am still praying for you and your niece. I am so sorry that it is giving you such a fit to get rid of. Hugs to you (((hugs)))

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I know that it doesn't feel like it but this too shall pass. Take care to rest and the infection will go away. The infection can't grow in a happy environment...only a sad, sick one...so tell yourself that you will find one thing to be happy about and hold on to that all day.

I'm praying for you!

RCUBEs said...

Sister Kat, sorry to hear that you're still having pain sometimes. Just prayed for you and of course, always keeping you in my prayers. May God bless you and keep you.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

so sorry to hear that you are still sick...praying that good days are coming VERY soon.....with love

momstheword said...

I am sorry you are going through this, Kat, but know that the Lord has His purpose and this season will not be forever.

Be careful what you read online. I looked it up and read things that said that it's fatal only if it's undiagnosed, which yours has been diagnosed. I also read that Flagyl is a great med for it, and a new one is coming out which has had good results.

I would suggest you ask your husband to research and google for you, perhaps as a means of keeping you from reading things that may worry or concern you.

Yes, it's hard to look at people who are feeling good and pain free and walking around.

However, we don't know what kind of pain people are feeling on the inside. You only see the outside of them. Perhaps they have lost a loved one, perhaps they are facing a divorce, or anxiety attacks or depression, job loss, or maybe they don't know our Lord.

When you're sick, it just seems like life goes on for everyone else but you.

Remember, the Lord has given you just enough strength to do whatever He has for you to do that day, and His plans for you include your illness, my dear.

I'll be thinking of you and praying for you! Love you!

COUNTRY MOM said...

Kat, I ALWAYS have time for you. I am so sorry that you are still not feeling well. I pray they find out what all is going on and you have a good Drs. appointment. Praying for your Healing and Comfort. I hope to hear you are feeling better soon. Physically and Emotionally. Love and Many Blessings my Friend, Audrey

momstheword said...

One of the verses I love is II Cor. 12:9-10. This is great for when you're going through a hard time. When we are weak, His strength truly does come through for us. By faith, we can be thankful for our difficulties knowing that He will be glorified in our weakness.

We may not feel glory in it, we certainly won't enjoy it, but we can stake our claim of faith and say that we believe because His word says so. We don't have to feel it, we just have to believe it and He will help us believe it because He is faithful.

Mari said...

Oh Kat, I'm sorry you are still having pain. I'm glad you have another appt to check on things. I'll be praying, for you and for Mea.

chili pepper said...

Hi, Kat, darling.

I didn't have time (I am to be getting ready to run out for a day of doctors appointments myself) to come here today but I just felt like I had to. Now I know why God led me to you. Praying for you right now and through the day, my friend. I can relate to every word you shared.

Hugs,

The other Kat

Greg C said...

I am praying for you Kat. I hope you recover soon. Just remember Job and all he went through. Find something to be thankful for and dwell on it.

Take care,
Greg

Divine Mrs D said...

I am so so sorry for your pain. God will hear your prayers! In His time. (And hopefully before Christmas) :) Much love to you!!!

christy rose said...

Kat, I am so sorry to hear that you are still struggling to get completely well. Lifting you up in prayer again today. His grace is sufficient! And His mercies are new every morning! Love to you,
Christy

LisaShaw said...

Dearest, I continue to trust in the LORD for your health. My arms of prayer are around you. You are precious to the LORD.

I wanted to also wish you and your family a blessed CHRISTmas and New Year. May 2010 be a year of GREAT things for you Kat.

I've enjoyed this year with you dear friend.

I love you.

Elle Bee said...

Kat, my heart goes out to you. You gave me a reality check--how lucky I am to be able do things pain free and with energy. Keep praying--God will deliver you from this in His time. In the meantime, you continue to be a source of inspiration for me. Your faith is so strong--thank you for modeling strength and steadfastness even when things aren't going well.

Coloradolady said...

Kat, my friends son had that, and had to have antibiotics thru a port in his arm to get rid of it....this is nothing to sneeze at..very serious...please take care of yourself....praying for relief to come and quick....

Girly Muse said...

So sorry you're going through this, my friend. Praying for relief for you!!!

Nina P. said...

Keep the Faith. When life seems at its darkest is when God is at His closest. He is Holding you and walking with you. 3 years after my first hip replacement, it became loose and they thought it was due to an infection. They removed the hip and placed antibiotics in the joint space and sewed me back up without a hip for 8 weeks. I had the proverbial hospital bed, walker, yadda, yadda, but was limited due to the IV antibiotics I had to give myself 4 times a day. I too had the low points of what am I going to do, why me, and the crying jags were endless. One night I woke up and my leg had fallen out of bed. I had this technique using a dog leach handle to lasso around my foot/ankle and pull it back into bed with me. Well this night I couldn't get it and actually dropped the leash. That was it, I lost it, I cried, I silently and not so silently yelled at God, at Life... I didn't want it any more... When my tantrum was over, I prayed, I opened my heart and prayed. I finally got my answer, I realized that I could live that way (you see my fear was I was never going to be able to have another hip replacement due to rejection/infection whatever) At that moment, my life was changed. My pain level decreased, my Hope increased, and from that night on, I started my road to recovery. It was at my lowest point that I gave up myself to God and said here you do what you must because I can't any more. (I was able to finally reach my dressing stick, and with a few attempts pick up the dog leash again and with new determination, got my leg back into bed. Me and My leg slept good after that)
May your Antibiotics start to "Kick Butt" (my nephews words) and get rid of the C-Diff. May God Bless you with His Healing Power and Grace and give you His Strength. May God Bless you with His Peace, Love and Understanding now and always. Blessings to you and yours. Love, Nina P

Just Breathe said...

Kat, I am so sorry. I was thinking that you were getting better. I can just imagine how frustrated you are with Christmas just around the corner. I pray they find something else to help you. I will continue to pray for you and Mea.
What can I do?

Carol said...

Oh Dear Kat,

I really had no idea how bad things were for you physically.

Hang in there, Dear Friend. I am praying for you and sending hugs from England to California.

Love & Great Big Hugs,
Carol