That's right, you've read it correctly 12 years and still going strong. I am sure people were taking bets somewhere when they heard that Steve and I were going to be married. Some on both sides of our family honestly speaking.
I can honestly say when we recited those vows 12 years ago, I wished someone told us the hard reality of what marriage comes with. It ain't all easy, as a matter of fact, most of it is some of the hardest compromising and work, I've ever had to do and I don't get a salary from it, although, we should.
Marriage for those first couple of years, and I so say soooooo narrow on the couple, when the blinders come off and that yucky romantic, head over heels in love stuff finally wears off, reality soon reveals itself.
You are faced with the real person behind all that romantic, eros, facade. The person who has grown up from a child, dealt with whatever life had to throw at them during those year, through high school, early adulthood, until the sparks flew when your eyes met for the first time. Yeah that person.
That person who when they entered this marriage, had their own fantasies in their mind of just how they envisioned life with that perfect someone, and was destined to go along with a little dose of watching life happen around them, be it with their parents or friends that joined that marriage wagon. They had formed an opinion of how married life should be.
So now you have the person who comes with a history of life before you; a person who has a fantasy of what they wanted married life to be; and a real person complete with their own set of quirks that just months before you didn't seem to think they had. You know the ones I am talking about. The toilet seat lid forgetters, the ones that can't make their laundry find their way to the right spot no matter how close you move the bin to them, the ones that love their sports, leave the cap off the toothpaste, razor clippings in the sink, and will always use your towel in the shower no matter how close a new one is to them. These are the people you married.
These are the people you have to learn to deal with day in and day out. Some days aren't so easy, even despite being a Christian. We are not living in Eden any longer thanks to Adam and Eve. Thus we have to deal with the things the world and our enemy tosses our way.
The battle rages each and every day in our relationships and marriages. Especially those ordained and blessed by God, our fight is a daily one. Some days, we lose, if we are being honest. I don't know of one married couple that can honestly say, that they have never had a fight, a disagreement or a heated discussion. You name it whatever you want, the world calls it a fight.
Even in Christian households, fighting happens. You probably just label it something else, but compromise is in order no matter what our situation is or what life hands us. Someone has to agree and someone may not get their way most of the time. The choice we make to engage in that warfare as Christians sometimes is what sets us apart.
We may not have the all out drag down fight, although, if I am being honest, I've had those in these 12 years. I've questioned divorced more than once with Steve. Yet, the one thing I can say is that we've never separated in anger and stayed gone away from our home. We deal with it in the four walls of our own home.
Sure, there are times we go to bed angry because one or both of us is simply too stubborn to apologize or even accept an apology, but the fights get resolved pretty quickly. Mostly on Steve's end. He's great about getting to the bottom of it and moving on with our life.
Yet in 12 years, we as friends, have grown stronger. We've built our relationship over some very brutal storms, job losses on both sides, bankruptcy, one divorce (on my end), a step relationship between Steve and Caitlyn, and raising our daughter, Kailee, together under one roof, along with three cats.
It sure hasn't been a piece of cake, but I honestly wouldn't trade it for anything. I would change some things, but the result of what we've gone through has shown us, we can weather anything life hands us, as long as we do it together. God created marriage because He did not intend for us to be alone and it's not good to be alone. We are always looking for our other half until we find it.
The point I am trying to make is marriage is hard, down right difficult, sometimes questioning whether you are meant to go through it all, which is probably why, when we get married, we complete marriage vows that include things like, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, Steve and I, have seen it all. I love him and will love him for the rest of what God allows us to live together while we are on earth. I love the things I can't change about him and I love him for the person he is, although some days are more difficult than others, I still love him.
Yes, marriage is worth it, and you have to work at it every day to make it successful and to grow. You don't plant a rose and cross your fingers and hope it will make it own its own. You water it, feed it and make sure that it gets enough sunlight. In return it blooms for you each and every year! Love is like that, the greatest gift you could possibly want.
Happy 12th Anniversary Steve!
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