I just finished watching an episode of the Bachlourette this past Monday and was heart broken by what I saw. The girl's name is Jillian and she came from a past episode of the Bachelor when she was left high and dry at the alter. She was proposed to, but it never came to pass.
My heart breaks for this poor girl because she seems like the girl next door. She is pretty although I wouldn't call her drop dead gorgeous. I guess everyone has an opinion on what gorgeous is anyway. My heart goes out to her because she is in pursuit of what every woman wants, love. Pure, honest, don't lie to me just to get me to go out with you, love.
In the course of the last two weeks she has had one guy completely use her to further his career by being on the show and lasting as long as he had, with a girlfriend at home, no less. Could love be so blind on her end, she couldn't see this person for what he was?
Do we, in pursuit of love, put blinders on and jump at the chance for happiness no matter what lies ahead?
I am saddened because watching someone get their heart broken, makes me cry real tears. I hate to see it. Even during break ups, one person gets their heart broken and the other does the breaking up.
No wonder society has labeled perfect women as being 5'7" to 5'9", about 120-130, thin as a rail, works out all the time, generally isn't married and has the perfect career so she doesn't depend on anyone for financial well being. They also fall in range from 25-35 years old. They are also a size 2-5.
Now don't get me wrong there are plenty of women that meet all these criteria and there is nothing wrong with any of them. They are the lucky ones, blessed with youthful skin, no kids most of the time, and a super high metabolism. For the ones looking for love, for most men, this the also the criteria for the perfect wife.
The sad reality is, most women don't fit that bill. We are the ones that are over 35, range in height from 5'4 to 5'8", weigh between 130 and up, and have real curves. For the most part, we also have not received any kind of plastic surgery to enhance that look. We are the girl next doors, the ones that don't fit societies model for the perfect woman.
This is why girls in their pre-teens are constantly focused on looks, weight, and status of rank within the school population and this carries on until they get married, if they can maintain their looks. This is where suicide rates climb and so do the number of cases of bulemia and anorexia for these teens.
These are the same women who diet pill manufacturers are trying to market their products to. We must fit the image society deems as appropriate.
Wait a minute. Real women have curves. Real women are comfortable enough with themselves to be happy being them. Do you know that the average size for women isn't 3-5, but 14 to 16?
I know for every woman out there reading this, we are never happy with what we look like. We always want to look better, be better, feel better, so we pursue the status society labels for us. We get our hair and nails done, try and look our best all the time, and keep our hubby's eyes from wandering. We want approval. We want recognition. We want love. Real, honest, no lies, love, forever. Love that doesn't leave us for the younger more updated model of us.
I am glad that at 45, I am content with as good as it gets. I am 5'7" and weigh 185. I know it's a lot higher number than what I would like, but I am not 20 any more. I am not 30. Each year our bodies change so much that taking weight off in our early 20's is a bigger challenge the older we get. Our metabolism shuts down. Heck I was a huge workout freak in my early 30's but I had just faced a divorce, so I had to fit societies mold or risk being left alone with kids for the rest of my life. Face it looks, attract.
I am not making excuses, but I'd rather go rollerskating with my kids on a Saturday than sweating it out alone in the gym. I'd rather sit on the couch with my hubby than spend the day getting my hair and nails done. I'd rather eat cheesecake because just one slice is pure heaven on earth to me, than a large green salad with no cheese and dressing on the side.
I still work on looking nice, doing my hair and makeup, getting dressed nice, but I am comfortable with who I am. Hubby says he is too! He likes me that way I am. If you ask him if he would like some improvements, he would probably say yes, but then he would say he needs them as well.
So we are aging and growing older together, the way God intended it to be. It is sad to watch marriages and relationships fall by the way side, because women gain more weight over time and they aren't the same size as they were when they met them. If they won't attempt to improve, there is the door. Goodbye. Not all marriages or relationships are that shallow and based on those stats, but I have seen personally my fair share.
The sad thing is, we are all going to die someday, whether we work out or not, whether we look good or not, and sure we can try to keep from dying any sooner than we want, but ultimately only God knows when our number is up. Isn't not like He is going to change His mind just because you finally got your looks where society thinks they should be. I have seen people beat themselves to death with working out and eating all the right things, and drop dead riding bikes with their kids. Now that is what I'd call irony!
For now, I would be happy if we would take the focus off how women look and put it on how we can improve world hunger all over the world or helping out people less fortunate than ourselves. I think there are definitely more important things in life besides looks. Everyone gets older!
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