Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Did You Pack Your Angry Eyes?

I remember the movie Toy Story when Mrs. Potato Head is packing Mr. Potato Head up when he was leaving on a search for Woody and Buzz. She specifically wanted to make sure that she packed his "angry eyes" just to make sure he could express that emotion if he found himself getting angry.

Since most of you already know that I recently finished a book entitled, Fresh Start by Doug Fields about dealing with excess baggage we all have a tendency to carry with us throughout our whole lives.

Its not like any of us really want to either, it's just that we don't know how to deal with getting rid of it. I wish it were like baggage because I know despite airport security measures, we would leave that piece of luggage all by itself and never look back.

It is amazing to see just how far some of us have been carrying it too. I don't know about you but when I am planning a trip if I know I have to carry it, then I am packing really light. Less harder on your body especially if your luggage doesn't come with wheels.

Here is how to leave some of that angry baggage behind once and for all and how to learn to deal with it when you notice it's lingering again.

Ephesians 4:26-27 "Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil."

Psalm 4:4 "Be angry, but sin not."

Did you catch those first two words from God?

Yes, it says be angry. God gave us anger for a reason but we are commanded not to sin while dealing with it. So when a situation has got us angry we have two choices to make; choose pain or peace.

Which would you rather have pain or peace? Most of us would willingly pass on the pain and go for the peace but since we don't know how to have peace when we are good and steaming mad, we opt for the pain.

Since we are all familiar with the pain, lets look at the peace part.

1. Don't deny it. Somethings wrong and it's okay to say that. Realize what is going on and that you are in the midst of anger.

2. Delay your anger. Put it on hold and say, "I could be wrong here, so let me think this through." You won't be able to deal with what is really going on while this controlling emotion is running your thoughts and actions. So this is a great time to step away from the situation to let that kettle of boiling water, cool off.

3. Define it, then give it to God. Anger is actually a secondary emotion, usually you feel some sort of hurt with it as well. It could be frustrations, disappointment, annoyance, betrayal, loneliness or even fear. You have to see beneath the anger, like pulling back the covers of a lumpy bed to see what is hiding beneath. If you don't, your just dealing with the emotion not is what is causing the pain.

Reflect before you respond. If you don't you will either live in denial, or discount your anger or blame others, or fall into the trap of being a victim.

4. Defuse the Situation ` Diffuse your Anger. Defuse means to remove the fuse from, like removing the fuse from a bomb. Diffuse is to pour out like a liquid, mixing in different actions that will produce peace.

A. Ignore a negative comment. Just walk away. This instantly makes the situation less harmful. You're not there!

B. Don't reply to a person's irritating email. All the words you probably think of are along the lines of jerk, burn in hell, idiot, stupid, nutball, fool, and toilet plunger. Choose, instead, godly silence - and hit Delete.

C. Back away, and don't pursue a fight, even though you know you're right.

D. Let that psycho driver go on down the freeway after he just cut you off. Face it: there will always be nutty drivers in the world. You don't need to teach every one a lesson.

E. Take a deep breath and say nothing when a harsh reaction begs to spill from your lips.

F. Go to the gym and work out your anger on the treadmill - even though you're angry as a hornet and would rather sting.

These are just a few samples of ways to defuse or diffuse the situation. How you choose to respond is entirely up to you. Once that anger is gone, now you can talk about what is really bothering you.


E @ Scottsville said...

Thank you for posting those two verses. You're right, God does have a 'place' for anger as long as we don't allow it to cause us to sin.

Elle Bee said...

#2 is important! Anger can make us hasty, but it's best to take a second look. Well said!

Loren said...

OK I am snort laughing on some of you ways to NOT be angry(specifically B and E)...you are funny and I adore YOU!!!

One thing some people don't know is this.....the root of anger is fear.....really when we get angry we are afraid of something....prid, embarassment, resentment, etc and your .2 is HUGE!!! putting that anger/fear on hold and thinking it through allowing yourself time to identify what is really going on...looking within not looking AT can prove to be your biggest gift!

and knowing that we all have baggage but going through life teaching our children how to handle that baggage and not carry it to their marriages is huge. Say some of us came to our marriage with 15 bags and we are dealing with it and teaching our children.....praying they will only bring about 4-5 bags to their own marriage is awesome!! plus they have to tools to help not create more is even better!
The LORD in us can make this possible!

love you!!!

Unknown said...

I LOVE this post! I grew up in an 'angry' household where fear, frustration, disappointment all came out in angry words and actions. I used to believe that my parents hated eachother for the angry words they spouted at eachother every day. Yet, now, as an adult, as a Christian, I see that they just did not know how to express the real issues they were concerned about. I struggle with the habits that I was raised with. I struggle with anger especially when it stems from disapointment in those that I love, or misunderstanding when I am sure someone 'should' know me better, or 'should' act a certain way. Thank you for the verses, and thank you for addressing an issue that is often to hard to confront personally.

RCUBEs said...

There is a reason why God tells us to be slow to anger [like Him]...It's so easy to recklessly say hurtful things and damaging actions if we are angry. The worst thing is that once you had said or had done something that you didn't mean to say or do after you had thought about it, too late! Damage was done and it would be hard to change that.

When we're angry, blood pressure goes up, muscles tense up. Who gets stressed out? Us!!! Thank you for this great reminder. God bless sister Kat. Take care.

Kat said...

Kat this is so excellent! I have watched bitterness destroy the lives of ones I love very much to the point where they can no longer feel joy at all. For me that has been reason enough, as you say, to leave it behind.

Another Kat

Andrea said...

Girl...I want peace!

How is your mom? I have had her on my mind and in my prayers a lot the last few days.

Storming the heavens together with you....andrea

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

That was a great post and one I needed today....Just had a little anger epsiode when having to go thru the loops on the phone to talk to the right representative, in the right department, that spoke American English, that then acted like she could care less....

Wendi said...

Great post! Sometimes you just have to let things go.

Grandma Elsie said...

What wise words of advice.
Now if we will only remember some of this advice .. it just might help us become happier people.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
have a blessed evening
Elsie <><

Kathleen said...

I love the saying, "Cooler heads prevail." All too often, in my younger days, I'd speak before editing the material that flew past my lips. It was in many ways nothing more than raw anger. But I'm learning to wait for the cooler head in order to refine the raw. It's spared me untold misery, not to mention the need for many "I'm sorry"s!

Great post!


Beth E. said...

I, too, got a laugh out of "B". But you know what? I never thought about #2, delaying anger. What a great tip!

Awesome post, Kat!

Heidi said...

Recently on a family vacation, Fash was kinda mad at me about sumthin and I said, "happy eyes, happy eyes" to give her a little clue as to where her emotions should be. I guess that was sorta like Mrs. Potato Head wanting Mr. Potato Head to pack his angry eyes, only backwards.

Mary Moss said...

Wow, Kat! As you're probably aware, I recently had to place my sin of anger right smack at the foot of the Cross. Of course, I had to pile some heavy rocks on top of it so it wouldn't follow me as I backed away! :-)

This is a great post and right on target. Thank you for sharing this.

Saleslady371 said...

So many practical tips here! I have no excuse now to carry the heavy baggage of anger, for sure. I like #2 and have had some blessings by cooling off, letting go for a time. This post will help so many people!

Kelly L said...

Great post! I love the verses - I copied them down.


Kat, Great post. Family prayer and sharing what's bothering someone helps so much. I hope you have the best day. Blessings,

Just Be Real said...

Kat, appreciate this post. Anger is part of my being at this point of my journey. I certainly know that anger can destroy.

Love the post and picture too.

Blessings dear one!

Laurie said...

Amen sister! Great word. I was so proud of me the other day when I held my tongue when the rude cashier had her way. My ammo is usually to let someone know when they are out of line. I try to hold my peace more lately,instead, and not react, and pray for them. So far so good... I continue working on it! Love and blessings, Laurie

God a Have Faith said...

Really good post sweetheart! It is true that we should not argue or fight while we are angry at each other. It only leads us down the part where we sin against one another and towards God! I will try to heed those words in the future!

Love you!


Musings of A Minister said...

This is good "stuff." I needed to hear this and I think most people do. I especially have a problem with drivers cutting in and out and endangering everybody on the road. It is so hard for me to just let this go. Thanks for your help....I like the looks of your blog. It's great.

LV said...

You always make my day better by when visiting you. These verses could be used as a daily food. Stop by today, if you have time.

Denise said...

Great post.

Denise said...

Great post.

KrippledWarrior said...

When the Lord chased the money-changers from the temple, was his fuse lit?
I'm not comparing my anger to Jesus'.
Just asking...

Heart2Heart said...


Yes, Jesus' fuse was lit but He did not sin in His anger to remove the money changers from the temple. That is why both scriptures tell you be angry, but sin not.

This is the example of justified anger much like when Moses broke the tablets when he saw the people of Israel worshipping the golden calf.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Kristin said...

Thank you. Thank you. And, I have to say I laughed, too. And I've always loved that line about the Potato Heads from Toy Story.

Our7isheaven said...

Oh wow! This goes right along with what I was teaching my son the other day. He was angry at his brother, but he allowed it to become sin!!

I'm going to read this to him later today. Thanks for posting this it WILL help re=inforce what I was teaching him the other day!


christy rose said...

All of these are great tips! Like Loren said, Anger is rooted in fear, if we stop and recognize that, we can go forward and know how to handle what is going on inside of us much easier.