Monday, March 10, 2014

Feeling Alone

Sometimes I think the greatest battle a believer faces is that of being alone, or dealing with feelings of loneliness. Just this weekend, I watched numerous people post status updates on their Facebook pages looking for confirmation or validity that they are more than what they feel. That they have purpose, that they are needed and in fact loved. Who hasn't questioned their purpose in this life?

In fact, before reading everyone else's updates I found myself telling my confidant cat, Boba that very same thing. How is it possible to feel alone when you are in a room or home filled with people? I began to question why I was feeling this way. It was if I was very present in this life, but at the same time invisible. Everyone else in my house was pretty much in their own world, my youngest daughter, chatting away with her friends in her room via Skype, my husband watching the latest Nascar race on TV just trying to relax and me, with my never ending To Do List.

I found myself questioning if I mattered or if the things I did even mattered. I know if I failed to clean the bathrooms or did laundry eventually of course, they would notice but I found myself wanting to fill needed besides someone who took care of things so others didn't have to.

Trust me, I don't need praise to let me know I matter, but it often times seems as though we take people for granted. We gain a sense that there will always be a tomorrow. That perhaps they feel much the same as I do. If we mess up in our relationships today, we can always fix them tomorrow. I wondered how different life would be if we knew when our expiration date was and just what we would do differently if we knew we only had just so much time to spend with our loved ones and friends. How different we would be around them?

I tried to seek God's wisdom in my feelings of loneliness knowing of course, I was not really alone. The Bible tells us God is always present in our lives. He is very concerned with what we are going through and dealing with. But God reminded me I was placing my faith in people instead of in Him. I was looking for why people didn't respond the way I wanted even though in my mind I was doing all the right things. Yet even in the midst of profound wisdom, I still failed in my attempts to fix things. I said things I shouldn't have said in my effort to get my husband to understand my feelings of being inadequate and lonely. It's hard sometimes to even put those feelings into words because all he wants to do is fix it. Tell him what I need and he'll try to do it.

However, just for once, I don't want to have to explain it. Just for once I wish I didn't have to provide a "To Do" list for what I needed. All I know is that I'm going back around the mountain again with God in hopes to correct my short comings. A way to learn how to communicate without hurting, a way to learn to settle in the provision of what God has in store instead of what I expect of others. I felt like Peter who took his eyes off God and instead looked at his circumstances and began to slip beneath the waves. It's time to refocus and keep my eyes on God instead of on my circumstances.

Psalm 25:16 ~ "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted."

How about you?

Do you ever feel lonely even in the midst of being around others?

What do you do to help you overcome that feeling?

I'd love to hear your thoughts if you 'd care to share them in the comments below!


Terra said...

I hope you will continue to make progress in your quest to change your feeling of aloneness, even when family is close by.
Here is a favorite Scripture of mine, "Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are pure ...If there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things."
Philippians 4:8

Denise said...

I understand my friend. Yes, I have often felt alone in a room full of people. But, I know I am never alone, because He is there taking my hand, and lifting me far up above my loneliness. I love you, praying for you, and your family.l

Sharon said...

Oh yes, I know this feeling. But what comfort I find in knowing there is ALWAYS a Friend who is with me - my dear Jesus. Even when I'm in a room of people, or literally all by myself, I know He's there...