Saturday, February 23, 2013

Surving Loneliness

How often, do we pass by a need, a life that could be changed with the smallest bit of effort? And it's not that we don't care but that we're driving so fast, all we see are the fence posts flashing by on the side of the highway?

Maybe the first step in changing the world is in slowing down and looking through the fences. ~ Lisa Wingate (Firefly Island)

The beginning of 2013 has been a whole lot about changes. Changes I think at least for my family we didn't think we'd ever see. 

When most people buy a home, they think of being part of the American dream. Part of the bigger picture. They think of it as being an investment in their futures. Never in their wildest dreams while making the decision to buy would they ever think that something might happen to take that dream away like ripping out a piece of your soul. 

At the closing of 2012, we found ourselves joining the many others, that were losing their homes thanks to bad predatory lending practices, federal bailouts that didn't unfortunately involve our mortgage company and watched, despite all our best intentions, our home slip into foreclosure. We made necessary arrangements and found a wonderful house to rent while we watching our credit slip into the black abyss. 

Here it is, at the end of February and despite our mortgage companies threats to sell our house at auction, it remains in our name. The auction has been postponed for yet another month. This is the 5th such postponement and no letter or explanation explaining why. Still I find myself wondering what lucky family we eventually buy our wonderful home. Will they finally make all the improvements we always wanted to make, or will it simply sit vacant like so many others in the area. Will someone break in and wreck havoc seeking to sell off whatever they can, or will it house someone who is looking for a place to sleep? 

Who knows? But I do find myself occassionally stopping by to visit. Much like an old friend. A distant memory perhaps of better times? Times spent sharing love, laughter, joy and even sorrow within the walls we knew as our first home. So many happy times of simply knowing that despite what was happening in the world, that this small piece of property was ours! A home! Our home to do whatever we wanted, paint the walls crazy colors, add new lighting fixtures or even perhaps create a back yard haven for hummingbirds, butterflies and myself on so many sunny days. Smelling the roses my husband, friends and family all planted over the years. I'll miss that in the spring. The blooming of virtually ever color rose, the sweet fragrances of my pink perfume delights filling the house whenever you opened the windows. The bees busy gathering pollen from my overgrown lavender that filled the corner of the backyard by the faded wood fence. The wonderful pink and white blossoms from the apple tree that shaded our favorite kitty Tosh's grave that passed away last year on my birthday. 

So many star filled nights sitting in lawn chairs on the front lawn watching in anticipation of the Perseid Meteor shower in August or simply enjoying a wonderful bar-b-Que with friends. The summer rain storms that would fill the picture windows with the falling of rain, beautiful big thunderheads like balls of giant popcorn across the desert sky. Even the snow that filled our backyard one year with the most snow we ever saw and enabled us to build a 6 foot snow man in our front yard alongside his snow dog. 

I'll miss my house. I'll miss it with the many loving memories that all those years tucked behind the walls will bring us. I know in time the move will be easier to handle, but until we move far enough away, I'll still drive by and remember those wonderful years and all the memories a simple house brought to my heart.


Terra said...

Oh dear, what a difficult few months you have been enduring, with the loss of your home, and I admire you for keeping your spirits up, which comes through in this post. Your photos of the yard show all the work and love you poured into your gardens and I understand how you visit it upon occasion. I hope the rest of 2013 will turn out to be a fabulous year for you.

Our7isheaven said...

I understand where you are coming from and I'm praying for you. Our family has also been through a lot since Jan 2012 and as you will we are seeing many changes in our life this yr.

God is in control, prayers from Maine.....

Denise said...

My heart hurts for you, praying for you.

RCUBEs said...

I feel your pain sister Kat. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough ordeal. My work gave me a hard time and discriminated me for my disability. They wanted me to work full time but I couldn't. So, they made me per diem and that I lost all my regular status because of that. I'm grateful that the Lord still provides through my hubby's work or else, we would have lost our home, too. And I told my hubby, is keeping it really worth it? Because of the changing economic times...

I will keep you in my prayers sister and I pray, too that those loving, warm mem'ries will comfort you and your family. I pray for the Lord to calm not the storms outside...But the storms inside...God bless. Love to you.

Mari said...

Oh Kat - I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
I got such a nice letter from you that really touched me today so I came here to thank you and was surprised to see this post. I haven't gotten notice from Google reader that you put up a new post so I missed it. Although I'm not happy to hear what you're going through, I'm glad to know and will be praying for you.

Sharon said...

This is heartbreaking. I am so sorry for the circumstances that brought this about. May God work in this situation, and bring just the right family along to buy your house.

May we always remember that our true *home* is still awaiting us in eternity.


Gramma 2 Many said...

I found your blog by doing a little blog hopping. So sorry to see you are going through hard times right now, but I see you have your priorities in order. God is ever faithful and He will provide. I relate in a small way, two of my children have lost their homes this year also. Same circumstances. One remained in his home and rented it from the buyer. The other is renting a different home. Stay strong and focus on what is good and just. :)